Ten Years
by chel567
Summary: Tris & Tobias's relationship over the past ten years...and where will it go from here?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, friends. I am back with a new story! This story jumps back and forth from present time to the past. I hope it is easy to follow! If it isn't, please let me know! Just be sure to note the time frame above each section, and who's point of view it is. Hope everyone enjoys it :)**

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TRIS – PRESENT DAY

The loud, shrill noise of my phone ringing pulls me out of my deep sleep. Fumbling, I reach over, unplugging it from the charger to bring it closer to my face. Three text messages and a missed call from Tobias are alarming, especially at midnight. Just as I'm about to call him back, the phone lights up again, the loud noise shocking my still foggy brain.

"Hey," I answer sleepily. "You ok?"

His voice is soft and quiet. "Can I come crash?"

"Yeah," I respond without hesitation. "What's going on?"

"I'll be there in a few," he says quickly before hanging up.

I run my hand through the top of my hair, biting my lip while I debate what possibly could have happened for him to come to my apartment so late at night. Even though sleep is attempting to pull me back to bed, I force myself up and to the bathroom, rinsing my mouth out and splashing water on my face.

Tobias wasn't lying, because it really is just a few minutes before he's at the door, his usually square and rigid shoulders sagging. Even though I hold it open enough for him to enter, he stands still in the doorway for a few more moments, and it's then that I notice the duffle bag draped across his body, seemingly full with belongings.

"I need a place to stay," is all he mumbles, and I reach for his arm and pull him into my apartment, shutting the door behind him.

I watch as he kicks off his shoes and drops his bag before collapsing into the couch.

"I'm really sorry, Tris. I just… shit… I didn't know who else to go to." I watch him run his hands through his hair nervously.

"Tobias, its fine." When I see the stress and strain continue on his face, I jokingly add, "Wouldn't be the first time you showed up in the middle of the night, huh?"

He manages a small smile out of that, but I can tell he's not going to be humorous tonight. Instead, I make my way to the small hallway closet, finding an extra pillow and blanket for him to use on the couch. He looks exhausted, like whatever had him up this late took a toll on his body and mind.

"Want to talk tomorrow?" I pose the question so I'm not just blowing him off, even though I know he needs some space.

Tobias nods in return, beginning to dig through his duffle bag for something to sleep in.

I double check the lock on the front door, ask if he needs anything else, and then make my way back to my bedroom, wondering what information he'll share with me tomorrow.

TRIS—10 years ago

The basement is dark, so dark that I can't make out many faces as I scan the crowd of people surrounding me. The music, so loud I can feel it, is fast and energetic, keeping people dancing and moving. I look down at the sweaty can of beer that Christina thrust into my hand. It's a brand I don't recognize, but pop the top anyways.

I was beyond grateful when Christina landed in the seat next to me in English class two weeks ago, relieving me of the awkwardness that came with sitting alone, and knowing no one. My roommate, Shawna, was a little rough around the edges, and we were struggling to adjust to each other. Christina began to be a slight buffer in between us, her personality so versatile she could navigate a conversation with anyone.

"Have you seen your friend?" Shauna asks as she takes a drink from her own can.

I shake my head, still searching. "Maybe he's not here yet."

Christina, dancing around with a group of random girls, tries to pull Shauna and me towards her, but we refuse.

"I need a few more drinks," Shauna says as she raises her beer to her mouth again.

We chat for a minute, bonding over sharing our first experience at a college party together. Christina, as experienced as she seemed, was new college life too.

I scan the room again, and do a double take as my eyes float past a guy at the bar. Same curly brown hair I remembered, although cut shorter now. His smile as he tosses his head back is genuine and familiar, and boldly, I walk over to the bar.

"What's your name?" I yell over the music when he looks at me.

It takes only a second for his eyes to light up with recognition. "Tris?!" he says excitedly, and then turns to walk around from the behind the bar, enveloping me in an unexpected hug.

"Hey, Tobias," I respond, talking softer now that his arms hold me to him.

There's something about the way he hugs me, how I feel like I fit right against him, but it only lasts a moment.

"It's so crazy that you're here!" he says, his eyes twinkling. "It's been a long time!"

"I know," I answer, thinking about how surprised I had been when he had popped up in my Facebook inbox earlier in the week. Apparently, he'd thought he'd seen me on campus, looked me up on Facebook, and here I was, attending Dauntless University with him. "I was really surprised when you reached out."

Tobias puts a hand on my back as he leans in to answer me. "I couldn't believe it when you responded. It's been a long time since I've made inappropriate jokes in a church, huh?"

I laugh, thinking about some of the ridiculous things Tobias did during our religious education classes we attended together. Our teacher just rolled with his immaturity, but the rest of us had laughed and giggled and tried to suppress our true reactions. He was the highlight of every Tuesday night.

"At least it's been a while since I've witnessed them." I smirk up at him, admiring the way he's grown from the skinny, short kid to a taller, more filled out man.

He shakes his head. "Any time you want to come by here," he gestures to the party around him, "You're welcome to. It's like this every weekend."

I nod, not sure if I could keep up with that type of lifestyle, and wondering if he does. "Thanks. And thanks for the invite tonight."

"Anytime. Like I said, you're always welcome."

TOBIAS-10 YEARS AGO

I pick up my phone, scrolling through my contacts, trying to decide who I should hit up to hang out while I'm home on Christmas break. It's hard to decide who to call when I'm only home for a week, especially when a handful of people always end up bailing on plans anyways.

I pause when my scrolling has reached Tris's name. I don't remember how we exchanged numbers, but we had only texted a couple times since then. A few times I'd invited her to our house for a party, and she usually came with a group of girls, but I never really felt like she was there for me.

It didn't stop me from checking her out from wherever I stood in the basement during a party, whether I was playing music or behind the bar. My eyes always managed to find Tris and often times, I noticed who she was dancing with and felt a small twinge of jealousy inside of me.

Somehow, I feel like fate has played a role. It's been 5 years since I last saw her, in middle school. Even though we'd long since lost touch, it felt so unbelievably normal to hug her when she'd shown up at my house the first time. It was natural, standing with her and conversing, our heads bent together to hear each other over the music. And although we'd never been good friends before, it became simple and easy to send her a text and invite her over, or wrap each other in a hug when we saw each other at a party.

It wasn't that I was enamored with Tris the way I usually was with girls when I met them. I'll be the first to admit I'm easily infatuated, but have never been in love. Instead, there was just something small inside of me that seemed to awaken when I talked to her. She was small, but her presence so large that it couldn't be ignored. And even though she was quiet, watching her dance with her friends was like watching her finally be herself, finally be free, because I knew she was never like that at home.

In a way, we lived very different lives. My father long gone, and raised by a single mother for most of my life, we have always had an extremely close bond. I know I'm a Momma's boy, but feel no shame. Tris, on the other hand, comes from a happy, well to-do family. But there's something under there that I just can't detect yet, and that she hasn't shared.

I tap on her name on the screen, sending her a quick text.

 **Tobias: Hey, you still in town?**

It's a stupid question, because I know she's in town. I noticed a picture on her Facebook today of her and a few high school friends. For some reason, I feel the need to act nonchalant about the possibility of spending time with her.

 **Tris: Yeah, you?**

If I'm lucky, she'll already have plans with her friends, and hopefully I can get her to meet up with me later. At school, there's hardly ever a time that she and I are alone, together. We usually run into each other at parties, and the last thing I want is to drunkenly take her home.

 **Tobias: For sure. What's going on tonight?**

 **Tris: Heading out with friends.**

 **Tobias: Yeah. About to do the same. Where are you headed?**

Her responses are quick, and I wonder if she's interested in all at spending time with me, or if her high school friends are the only ones on her priority list. I can't quite ever be sure, because she's so quiet, with so many underlying feelings inside of her.

 **Tris: Just a friend's house.**

 **Tobias: Hit me up later. If you want.**

She agrees, and I'm hopeful that I'll hear from her later as I dress and head over to my friend's house. His sagging couch welcomes me for the next few hours, but I never end up hearing from Tris again, which disappoints me more than I expect.

TRIS-PRESENT DAY

I don't have an alarm set because it's the weekend, but my body is automatically set to wake up early. I roll over to glance at the time. It's almost 7, early enough to get up and begin a productive day, maybe getting in an early yoga class at the gym. Until I think about Tobias, who's most likely still laying on my couch.

It's been a very long time since I've received a late night message from Tobias, and usually when I did, his intentions did not involve sleeping in separate rooms. But that ended long ago, and here he is, coming to me for something I'm not sure I can help with.

Just as I'm thinking of him, I hear my door slowly pushed ajar, and his head peaks in to see if I'm awake.

"Hey," I say tentatively.

He nods in response. "Hey."

It's only a brief moment where he stands uncomfortably at the end of my bed, and then suddenly he walks around to the side, crashing down and lying next to me. We stay there for a moment, both of us lying on our backs, staring at nothing on the ceiling, when Tobias lets out a deep sigh.

"I told Lauren I need some space."

"What?" My head shoots over in his direction, unsure of the words I've just heard.

He runs a hand down his face, clearly frustrated with the situation. "It's just… it's not what it used to be with her."

I turn my body to face him, unable to tell why he's made this decision or what he could quite possibly by hiding.

"What's different now?" I probe softly, not wanting to upset him.

"It's just… God! I can't even explain it. Like I used to see our flaws in our relationship and they didn't bother me. They weren't the end all, be all. But now… they're growing. They're like, you know when you can feel you're getting a hole in your running shoe? And it's ok at first, kind of comfortable? You keep wearing them… and then one day you just can't take the hole anymore cause it's so worn down, rain is going to get through it. And dirt. And maybe even dog shit."

My eyes widen at his analogy. I never imagined Tobias not feeling pure infatuation with Lauren. From the first time he told me he had feelings for her, I could sense the difference in the way he described them together. It was a way I'd never heard him talk about any woman, and it had caused a part in me to sink down, nervous that she really was going to be the woman he ended up with.

He finally speaks again when I don't respond. "The other day we were arguing about kids. Kids, Tris! We're arguing about kids we don't even have yet!"

"Why were you arguing about kids?" I ask, slightly confused.

Tobias lets out another deep sigh, throwing his hands up. "She started talking about them, saying how she couldn't wait to have kids. I told her we aren't ready. I'm not ready, but I don't think she is either. She just started a new job 4 months ago. She's still traveling and training all the time."

"Did she mean like, today? Have kids that soon?"

He shakes his head and turns to me. "She means like, September 8, we should start trying."

I feel my face fall, doing my best to conceal it. September 8 is the day after what is supposed to be Tobias and Lauren's wedding. A date that I dutifully have marked in my planner because I am Tobias's best friend, but in pencil.

It's not that I don't want him to be happy. I would never hope for his relationship to fail. It's just that a part of me feels that usual pang in my stomach that I've always felt when I hear him talk about women. And others never lasted, so I've never had to worry.

"It's not even that we don't agree!" he continues, frustrated. "It's that I tell her why I think we should wait. I mean, isn't it better for her to maybe have a more stable position at work, with less traveling? It's because I _care about her._ And all she does in return is make these smart ass remarks. She doesn't care what I think."

I roll back on to my back, bringing the heels of my hands up to my eyes. "I'm sorry, Tobias," is all I can squeak out. I have no answers to his questions after my own failed relationships and desire to be solely single from here on out.

He groans again, and I sit up. "You can stay here as long as you need," I promise him, unable to deny him a safe escape right now. "Couch is all yours," I add, to set a clearly boundary of what this will and will not be.

"Thanks, Tris," he says with a softer, calmer voice, his deep blue eyes piercing into me when I turn to look at him.

The eye contact makes me shiver, remembering all the ways he's looked at me over the past ten years, all the experiences we've shared together. "Go make some coffee," I say as I throw the covers back on my bed. "I have to pee."

I swing my legs onto the floor and I can feel the mattress move as Tobias shifts his weight, sitting as well. As I'm walking to the bathroom door, I hear his deep, sexy voice behind me.

"You still sleep in your underwear, huh?"

I can't help but chuckle and shake my head, laughing at his comment while inwardly, images run through my head of what we used to do when I was in bed in only my underwear.

"Shut up and make some coffee."

TRIS- 9 years ago

"Molly, hurry up," I tell her as we clumsily make our way out of the basement door. "It's freezing."

Molly, drunker and stupid than I am, walks slowly behind me. "Let's get a ride, Tris. It's fucking cold."

I turn around, my arms tucked around my waist. "There's no one here to give us a ride," I remind her. Everyone else is just as drunk as we are.

Molly spins around then, spying Edward and his small group of friends. "Hey!" she yells to get their attention. "Did you drive here?"

Edward nods as his friends approach us. "My buddy did. You need a ride?"

Next to Molly, I shake my head. "No, we're good." It had just been an hour ago that Edward and Molly were drunkenly grinding on each other on the dance floor, inhibitions gone from the cheap vodka they'd tossed back throughout the night. Edward seemed like a nice enough guy from the few times I'd hung out with him, but I had never seen his four friends before. I couldn't even remember their names, let alone know how much they'd drank.

"Yeah," Molly says, tugging on my arm. "We do."

"No." I'm firmer this time. "You've all been drinking."

A guy, tall and lanky, laughs from behind Edward. "So?"

"So we're not going home with you."

Another one chuckles. "I didn't say you could come home with me. We said we'd give you a ride."

"Tris," Edward says, a bit softer than the tones his friends are using. "We're fine to get you home. I promise."

I put a hand up, and begin to back up. "I'm good."

But Molly grabs me, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards her as they all move towards the jeep in the back of the parking lot. "Tris, seriously! Edward says their fine."

"You're wasted," I remind her. "If you want to be stupid, go ahead. I'll walk."

In reality, it's not any safer than getting in the car with them, considering it's at least a mile to the dorms. But I can't shake the weird feeling I get, the creepy way their laughing at my refusal to come.

A few of the guys hop in the car, in the driver's seat and the back, and Edward urges me again to get into the front seat. His hand behind my back, softly pushing me in.

"Stop!" I say with more force than I knew I had in me.

"Tris, get in the fucking car!" Molly yells, her voice full of frustration and disgust at my lack of agreement.

I push Edward away from me and spin, trying to walk away faster than I can in my heeled boots. It's January, the ground is icy, and the wind viciously whips around me. Realizing the danger in walking and the danger in getting in the car, I pull out my phone, hastily searching for Tobias's number. He knew I was going out tonight; I'd talked to him earlier in the day.

I've just hit his number to dial when I feel arms around my waist, Edward's friend pulling me back to get into the car. Molly's next to him holding my arm to lead me in the right direction. "What the fuck?!" I yell.

"Tris?!"

I hear it suddenly, pulling me out of my rage and slight fear, and put the phone to my ear. "Tobias? Can you come get me?"

"Tris! Just get in the car!" Molly yells again, trying to pull me in while the guy holding me lifts me into the back seat.

"What's wrong? Where are you?" I hear the urgency and the worry in his voice.

"The Phi Delt house. Molly's trying to get me to leave with these guys… they're all drunk."

"Don't get in the car, Tris," he says.

I push at the door, opening it harder than Edward's friend had thought, and he stumbles back a little. "Get off of me!" I pull my arm away from Molly, who's still trying to keep me in the car.

Molly's a raging mess, yelling at me to just get a ride, that everyone's fine, and I know the guys are yelling too, even though I can't process their words because all I want to do is get away from them. Vaguely, I realize that Tobias is still talking or yelling into the phone. I'm just not hearing that either as I push my way out of the car and attempt to slam the door behind me. Edward's friend is still standing outside the door, and he puts his hands on my waist to push me back, into the car.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I yell, forcefully shoving him away. Hastily, I walk to the sidewalk, away from him, hoping he won't follow.

I turn back towards the car and see Edward waving me off while Molly still calls out for me. "You're being stupid, Tris! You can't fucking walk."

"I'll be there in one minute. Don't get in the fucking car, Tris. Stay right there." Tobias's voice snaps me back to reality.

"We're not waiting for her anymore, Molly," someone says, and I see her shake her head.

"Tobias?" I whisper into the phone. "Please hurry."

I can hear the background noise as he starts his car, his answer full of worry. "I am. Stay on the phone."

Molly yells at me one more time, and I can read the look of disappointment and anger on her face. I'm sure she didn't appreciate my refusal when she probably wants to hook up with Edward later, but I don't care. There was something about them… something that didn't quite feel right.

Suddenly the air feels colder than normal as I stand in the parking lot alone. I've had more than enough to drink, but not too much to realize the potential danger of standing in a parking lot alone, in the middle of the night, intoxicated. I'm fully relieved when Tobias's car pulls up in front of me, his soft eyes welcoming as I open the door and enter the warm heat of the car.

"Thanks," I say, slightly embarrassed, mostly grateful.

"You scared the shit out of me, Tris," he confesses, and it's written all over his face.

I've learned in the few months that there is a side to Tobias that very few people get to see. There's the guy he is with his friends and fraternity brothers, and there's the guy that he is with other women. But then there's also someone underneath all of that, someone I've gotten to know fairly well. We don't spend a ton of time together; we usually just happen to run into each other. But there's some sort of inner connection that we both can't deny is there.

"Molly's so stupid. We could have walked… but she can't go a night without getting some ass." I lean my head against the cool window, wondering if Molly really is safe with the guys that took her home.

"I'm glad you called me," he says with a friendly pat on my leg before turning down the street to head to campus.

"Thanks, Tobias." I sit up, unbuckling myself, and dig into my pockets for my keys. "Fuck…" I groan, realizing Molly had our dorm room key in her wristlet. "My keys. Molly has my keys."

Tobias shakes his head and chuckles before turning down a side street. "It's ok. We can just go to my place."

"Aren't you having a party tonight?" I ask.

He glances down at what he's wearing and I notice he's in sweats and a hooded sweatshirt. "Not me," he says with a laugh. "I've been in my room."

"Why?" I wonder, not realizing he was ever one to miss out on a get together.

He shrugs. "I was hoping you'd come by, after we talked earlier… but you seemed pretty set with your plans."

I giggle and shake my head. "You barely even mentioned it to me. You just said you were having people over."

"And that meant that you could come." He gives me a look, as if it's ridiculous I didn't read that earlier.

"You didn't say that," I mumble back, pissed at my lack of guy skills. I'd much rather have been at Tobias's house.

He shakes his head. "Come on, Tris. Why would I tell you about a party if you weren't invited? Am I really that big of an asshole?"

I offer up a slight, one shouldered shrug and snarky smile. "Maybe."

We pull up to the house a minute later, and we're immediately enveloped in the cold once we're outside of the car. He leads me up the front walk, which is covered in ice and slippery snow, and I grip his arm as we make our way to the door, my boots sliding at every step. I can't help but giggle and Tobias laughs along with me, my inability to walk extremely entertaining.

When we get inside, I can hear the basement music thumping, but Tobias leads me straight up the stairs. I remember being up here before, briefly and casually, but I can feel that this is different.

"Are you tired?" he asks as he drops his belongings onto a night stand.

"Exhausted," I admit as I turn around, remembering how high his bed is. He'd build a mid-size loft to give him extra storage underneath, but apparently didn't realize that shorter people, like myself needed stairs. Or a step stool.

I stand at the bed, defeated, while I try to imagine myself catapulting onto it gracefully. Instead, Tobias comes up from behind, boosting me up so I can climb onto the mattress, making my way to the other side.

I suddenly realize how incredibly awkward this is, wearing my clothes in Tobias's bed while he pulls off his sweatshirt and drops down his sweats, climbing in next to me in his boxers and T shirt.

"Tris? You can... you know… get more comfortable."

"Are you asking me to undress, Tobias?" I joke, trying to sound casual. Being in a bed with him, some of his clothes removed, sparks a feeling in my stomach that I know I've felt before with him. I've felt it when his hug lingers on me, when he puts an arm around me while we talk, whenever we share physical contact.

"Come here," he says, his voice softer and simpler, his hands reaching for the button on my jeans.

Without thinking, my body is suddenly closer to his, and I feel his hand run around to my butt, giving it a light squeeze before moving back to my button and popping it open, followed by pushing the zipper down.

"Where's Myra?" I ask more breathily that I intend.

"Does it matter?" he asks. "She's not here."

"Isn't she your girlfriend?" I already know the answer is no. He'd gone out with her a couple times, and I know he's hooked up with her. But he'd confessed to me after their first date that she was more the type of girl you have fun with, not the one you commit to.

"Um. No." he says flatly. "I haven't talked to her in weeks."

His hand slips down the front of my pants, rubbing my leg softly before slipping to the back, grabbing my ass.

"You have a great ass, Tris," he says, and I feel my stomach drop.

"Thanks?" I respond somewhat awkwardly, not sure of what is going on.

Tobias laughs, and begins pushing my pants down my legs. "I just thought you'd be more comfortable without them."

I nod. Sure he did.

We lie there for a moment, facing each other, his hand running from my ass, to my back, to my stomach, and returning to thighs. His fingers are electric, waking up parts of my body I've never noticed could feel this way.

I feel his hand creep up my shirt, and he pauses, briefly. "You ok?"

Swallowing, I nod. I know that I've thought about this before, as his hand creeps up higher until he's massaging my breasts through my bra. The softness of his hands, the way he's taking his time… it's more than I ever thought this would be like with him.

The liquor flowing through me is partially what's making me act so bold, but I also secretly wonder if this will be my only opportunity to be with him, like this. I've danced around my attraction to him for the past year, but he's never made a move on me before. And even though there have been times where I've wondered if he looks at me as more than a friend, I've never been sure, and he's never been forward.

I reach my hand out to cover the bulge in his boxers, and am surprised by how it fills my hand. But a part of me is dying to satisfy him, to know if my touch feels as good as his.

Before I know it I'm on top of him, straddling him. I ache at the feeling of him between my legs, while his hands roam my upper body before removing top and bra.

"Damn, Tris…" he breathes. "You are so sexy." He pulls me down to him to make my body more accessible, his lips latching on.

I release a moan I wasn't expecting, grinding myself against his dick. Tobias sucks in a breath as well, not stopping what he's doing until he rolls me over so he's on top. His hand slips inside my underwear and between my legs, causing me to arch my back as he slips them inside of me. I can't help but simultaneously reach to free him from his underwear.

And after that, it's all a mesh of feelings and electrifying touches and my mind is going so fast, I can't separate my thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks everyone for all your reviews on the first chapter! I am glad that the time skips are easy to follow. Happy Friday and happy reading :)**

TOBIAS-9 YEARS AGO

I glance at my phone after leaving class, then look around campus. I've got an hour to kill between classes, and my options on this side of campus are limited. I start to walk the short walk to the Student Union, when I pass Tris's dorm.

Things have been perfectly normal between Tris and me since the night we messed around. I had been denying that there was anything between us, but once she was in my room, and we were alone, I knew that I couldn't keep denying the intense physical attraction I felt towards her.

Words could not describe how it felt to have her in my arms, to roam my hands along her body while she explored mine. We didn't have sex; neither of us made the moves for that to happen, and we didn't even kiss. But waking up with her in my arms, my face buried in the back of her neck, offered a sense of fulfillment I've never felt with a woman.

But nothing really happened after that. I took her home in the morning and our friendly banter returned in replace of the heated, lustful words we'd exchanged last night. We'd hung out a few more times with groups, and although my desire for her was even stronger now, I still felt the need to play it cool. Either Tris felt the same, or my feelings were not reciprocated.

When I call her, she picks up after a couple rings.

"I've got 45 minutes to kill," I tell her. "Can I come by?"

"Yeah, sure," she answers without hesitation. "I'll meet you downstairs."

With only a short distance to her dorm, I walk over quickly and meet her in the foyer. She's wearing a T-shirt and yoga pants, both of which hug her perfectly.

"All dressed up, huh?" I tease her. She tells me she's already done with classes for the day and just woke up from a nap not too long ago.

"You had perfect timing."

TRIS-PRESENT DAY

I pull on a pair of yoga pants before heading out into the kitchen, the scent of coffee intoxicating me. Tobias stands at the counter, the coffee maker beginning to drip the brown liquid into the pot. I slide into a bar stool, watching Tobias open cabinets and until he finds what he's looking for. His basketball shorts, which I've never seen him sleep in before, hang loosely on his hips and down to his knees. The T-shirt draped on his upper body is new—at least to me. There's a sexiness to his body that's always been unique and different. Tattoos had never been attractive to me until he'd added a few to his body and I'd seen him naked. And his hair, ever changing because he couldn't settle on a style he liked, looked good no matter what it was doing that day.

He pulls out plates and coffee cups before going to the fridge, and I put my head down on the counter because the sight of Tobias is a little too much for me right now, after what I'd just remembered in the bathroom.

TRIS-9 YEARS AGO

I sigh deeply as Tobias runs his hand under my shirt and digs his fingers into my back, giving my muscles some release and much needed pressure. "So good…" I mumble for the hundredth time as he laughs and continues his movements.

"Are you going to the gym every day?" he asks.

"Not every day. Four or five days a week."

"Where at? I could use a gym buddy." He mentions in casually, like it's no big deal if I turn him down.

I turn my head to face him, remaining on my stomach so he can continue rubbing my back. "Really? You'd go with me?"

He shrugs. "Why not? Better than going alone."

"Oh, I get it. Last resort, huh?" I roll my eyes sarcastically, knowing that's not what his words truly mean.

"Maybe," he playfully banters back. "But, I also wouldn't mind getting to check that ass out while you run." Slowly, his hand slips into my pants to squeeze my ass, and I can't help but melt into him a little.

"Perv," I say shyly before turning my head back away from him to hide my blushing cheeks and my nerves. But his hand doesn't move from my ass, now massaging it instead of my back.

It's been a month since Tobias called me on that Tuesday early in the semester, looking for a place to hang out. And it's been a consistent tradition since then that twice a week he spends 45 minutes in my room between classes. It's the most alone time we've had in the past year, and every single time I find myself wanting to rip his clothes off.

It doesn't always turn sexual, but when it does, it's still nothing like the night in his room. We're limited on time, and some days he leaves while I'm still aching for him. We also run the risk of Molly returning, and she'd never let us live it down if she walked in on that.

"Come here," he whispers as he pulls on my hip to turn me over, pulling my back flush against his chest.

He's no longer shy in his movements, as he slips his hand up my shirt and into my bra, tweaking my nipples between his fingers.

"That feels so good," I murmur from in front of him.

"I've barely even done anything," he teases, and he leans forward to nibble on my neck before snaking his hand back down into my pants.

I've only been with a handful of men, but there's been something different about Tobias from the day he first touched me. He's attentive, and he remembers exactly what makes me moan, or squirm, or grab a fistful of his hair in my hand. He can get me off faster than I ever thought a guy could, he knows exactly how to do it, but never rushes it.

He sits up a little to glance at the clock on the wall, and groans when he sees it. "I only have ten minutes," he says unhappily.

"Better get to work," I counter him as I reach down to undo his belt and pants, hastily pulling out his hard dick.

He laughs. "I can get you off in ten minutes, without a doubt."

I lean back, eyeing him for a moment. "We'll see."

"I got you," he whispers as he slips his hand further down, inserting a few fingers and immediately curling them to the exact spot he knows I always want him to get.

I let out a low, "Fuck," and lean over to kiss his neck while working on him with my hands.

He moans with me, whispering about how sexy I am, the way my body feels around his hand, and it gets me off long before we're both ready for it to be over, him finishing shortly after seeing my response to his hands and lips all over me.

I lay on my back breathing heavily, waiting to come down from my orgasm, when he sits up quickly. "I gotta go," he says with another glance at the clock. "Come over this weekend. Party on Saturday."

Vaguely, I register what he's saying. "Sure," I mumble back as I run a hand through my hair.

He leans over, planting a quick kiss on my cheek and then hoping off my bed to the ground. "Bye, Tris," he said quickly before he's out the door.

It's only a few minutes before there's pounding on my door again, and Christina is the one on the other end when I open it.

"What's the fuck is that?" she demands.

I act confused. "Tobias?"

Christina nods as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"He comes over here to hang out between classes."

"Bullshit," she says she pushes past me into the doorway. "Are you fucking around with him?"

I bite my lip. There's no point in lying. When Christina had found out about the night I'd stayed at Tobias's, it was because Molly had immediately yelled it out when we saw Christina at breakfast. I hadn't planned on telling her, or anyone, but Molly found out because I needed her keys to get me in the dorm, and she saw Tobias drop me off.

Molly had shrugged her shoulders. She didn't care, and who was she to judge after she went home with a random group of guys the night before? Christina, on the other hand, had a bit stronger moral compass.

"You are!" She yells accusingly.

"God! Can you keep it down?!" I say as I shut the door behind her. "It's not a big deal."

She runs a hand through her hair. "Did you know that Nita asked him to go to her formal?"

It's my turn to stand uncomfortably, because I didn't know that.

"Will told me," she adds, mentioning Tobias's fraternity brother and the guy she's been dating for a few months. Ironically, I introduced her to Will after Tobias told me Will was interested.

"Maybe he isn't going. He didn't tell me." I try to defend Tobias's actions, think about what possibly he could be doing with Nita when he still show up here twice a week.

She crosses her arms. "He is." Her voice is softer, not as sharp, like she's delivering a blow she knows I won't take well.

"Oh." I try to pretend like I'm unphased, but deep down it is a shocking reality I wasn't ready to hear. I knew that this wasn't leading to a relationship for Tobias and me. But I enjoy our friendship, with the added bonus of incredibly gratifying sexual experiences.

"You have to stop doing this, Tris," she says she plops down on Molly's desk chair. "It's not good for you."

I tuck my hair behind my ear and swallow thickly. "I'm fine, Christina. Maybe he'll tell me about it this weekend."

"Their party?" she asks tentatively. "Will said they invited Nita's sorority."

I feel bricks again in my stomach. "Oh."

"Maybe we shouldn't go." She offers sympathetically, but I shake my head.

"It's not a big deal. We'll see."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's only a couple days later when Christina and Will come home from dinner and slam open my dorm room door.

"We have a fabulous idea," Christina proclaims, dragging Will into the room behind her.

"Sure you do," I reply sarcastically.

She stomps her foot at my reaction. "We have someone to introduce you to."

"Someone?"

"He's a friend of mine from high school," Will explains. "I think we should all go out this weekend."

"Tris can't tear her eyes away from Tobias long enough to give anyone else a chance," Molly snorts from the corner, and I shoot her a dirty look.

It's a total exaggeration, considering I have met a few guys this school year, exchanged numbers and hung out with them casually. But none of them were what I wanted, or what I had expected they'd be. It has nothing to do with Tobias.

"Come on, Tris," Christina whines. "It'll be good for you!"

But it's Will who reads the unsure look on my face, and he leans against the dresser. "Maybe you and Tobias just needed to do all this, you know? Get it out of your system."

I shoot daggers at Christina, knowing she's the one that gave Will this information. "Tris," he defends. "The sexual tension has been obvious between you guys since the day I met both of you. Maybe now that you've relieved it you can both go on, doing your own thing."

I guess Will has a point. It's not like I thought all of this was going to end up with us dating and living Happily Ever After, but I'd be lying if I said that getting physical with him wasn't on my Bucket List. If he really is going to pursue Nita, or let her pursue him, it can't be a bad idea to occupy myself with someone else.

"Alright. I'm in."

TOBIAS-PRESENT DAY

Being in Tris's apartment gives me an odd sense of relief. It's always been like that with her. Her presence is calming and when I'm around her, my fears retreat and my worries wash away, and there's a part of her that seems to take over me and calm me. It's why she was the only person I called last night when I left the apartment I share with Lauren, not wanting to talk or explain the situation to my mom, or Will, or Zeke.

I slide her a plate of toast after I've slathered it with peanut butter, still hoping it's her favorite breakfast. She lifts her head from where it's resting on the bar and a smile creeps across her face.

"Thanks," she says simply, even though I know she's impressed I remembered it's her favorite.

The coffee put is full now, so I pour us each a cup and fix my own toast before coming to rest in the chair next to her at the bar.

"Want to do something today?" she asks.

I shrug. "Depends what you've got in mind."

"Do you want to be lazy asses all day? Drown our sorrows in pizza and beer?"

I laugh. "That sounds kind of appealing. But what sorrows do you have to drown?" It's been a while since Tris and I have talked, and her comment makes me wonder what she's got going on in her own life.

"Bro, I've always got sorrows to drown," she says as she brings her coffee cup to her lips. She drinks before changing the subject. "But I think we should take a walk down to the park. It'll be fun."

TRIS-8 YEARS AGO

Sitting in the bar stool just down the block from my house, I let out a sigh. Christina and I, along with our roommates, Shauna and Marlene, had taken to coming here on Thursdays after classes were over. We'd catch up on our weeks, share news, and wind down from four long days of classes and work before the weekend started.

It was a day we saved from boys and stress, often times showing up in our hoodies and leggings and having a few drinks comfortably. Despite the fact that we all lived together, the bar was chill and welcoming, and we couldn't deny ourselves of the atmosphere and occasional arcade game.

"Hey!" I hear from the doorway, and turn to see Will entering with a group of guys behind us.

Marlene glares at Christina. "This is supposed to be girls' night," she says unhappily, but Christina is unphased.

"They were looking for something to do."

I turn away from the door, pissed off at her. It's not often that I see Christina without Will these days, as every spare moment they have is spent together. It baffles me that they cared about each other so much when I can't find a guy I can tolerate for more than three days.

"So this is where you've been," I hear from a familiar voice behind me. "I thought maybe you disconnected your cell or something, since you never use it. At least not to call me."

Turning in my chair, I'm faced with Tobias. Standing behind me in casual jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, he's just as handsome as he's always been, taking my breath away.

"I've been around," I say casually.

It's been months since we've talked, and almost 8 months since we'd stopped our steamy rendezvouses in my dorm. Tobias had, in fact, started dating Nita, a detail he shared with me after he'd attended formal with her. After that, he'd spent the summer in California with his uncle, briefly hooking up with Nita when he returned.

In an effort to move on, I started dating Al shortly after Tobias and Nita became common knowledge. While Al didn't take my breath away, and he didn't give me goosebumps – or incredible orgasms – he was fun to be around and decent company. We had a good time together, although I was beginning to get bored with his weekend ritual of sitting around the house with his buddies, drinking beer and watching shitty TV.

"Around with Al, huh?" he prods, and I can tell he's curious.

"Sometimes." It was obvious to me, but also to Christina and Shauna, that Al was much more infatuated with me than I could possibly be with him. I'd dodge most of his daily attempts to hang out, sometimes claiming I needed to study for tests that didn't exist.

Tobias chuckles. "Bored yet?" he says, is if reading my mind.

"He's a nice guy," I say, partially defending him.

He nods, remaining silent of a while until his beer arrives. "I've missed you, bro."

I laugh at his sentiment. Whenever Tobias shares something meaningful with me like that, he always adds the word 'bro' in an attempt to appear tough, unsentimental. But I know he does mean it. I've missed him too.

"Hey, Cali boy, I could never get near you with Nita always hanging around."

Tobias laughs. "Yeah, that bitch is nuts, but the sex was good." He takes a drink before adding. "I haven't talked to her in a minute, thank God."

I can't help but wonder what Tobias could have seen in her, aside from great sex. He's annoyed with women and their habits constantly, always wanting a match who's just as laid back and relaxed as he is.

"Will said you live down the street?" he asks, and I nod.

"Corner of 8th and Barrington. Big white house." The four of us share a spacious four bedroom house so large you can't possibly miss it.

"I'm on the other end of the block," he says with a mischievous smile. "8th and Cruft."

I laugh at the irony. "Seriously?! For how long?"

"I crashed at Zeke's old place when I got back from Cali for a while. We rented that place out a month ago." His eyes meet mine, and I see that familiar smile. "Now there's no reason for us to go months without talking. I'm right down the street."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's only two weeks later when an argument with Al, in my living room, causes me to lose my shit. We're arguing about the upcoming weekend, about how I voiced that I wanted to stay home Friday night and take a bath, relax, and go to bed early.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do, Tris?!" he yells.

Taken aback, I shake my head. "Um, whatever you want?"

"And what am I supposed to tell everyone when they ask where you are?"

"That I'm at home! That I went to bed early! Why does that even matter to you?"

Al lets out a frustrated sigh. "Because I'm always telling them that you're busy! Because you're never around!"

I roll my eyes. "I'm with you every damn weekend! You're over here like, 2 or 3 days a week."

"And how do you think it looks when everyone else's girlfriends are over at our house all the time? Every night?"

"I don't give a shit how anything looks. If I want to stay home and take a bath, I'm taking a damn bath!" My anger bubbles inside of me, mad at the way that Al is portraying this to be about his image, not my feelings or his.

"Tris, you're being really fucking selfish," he says a little calmer, as if his change of tone is going to cover up his shitty words.

I shake my head and walk away, passing the dining room in an effort to retreat to the kitchen. This isn't the first time Al's complained about his desire to spend more time with me, but it's the first time we've gotten in a heated argument. And if I'm honest, neither of our feelings are ever going to change.

"Tris, this is ridiculous. We're together! We've been together for seven months! Anyone else would be practically living together by now!"

I run a hand over my face before calmly speaking. "I think you need to leave Al. For good."

"What?!" His face is contorted, angry.

"I'm done." The words send relief through my body. I think about how I'll no longer have to sit at Al's house on a weekend night out of obligation. How I'll never have to have routine, boring, unadventurous sex with him ever again.

"Tris, no. You don't mean that. You're mad, you're upset, but you don't really mean that." His eyes are pleading, but his fists are clenched.

I laugh at his need to still be in control. "Don't tell me how I feel. Just go."

"You're going to regret this," he says sharply.

"No, I won't."

It takes a few minutes and a few more rejections for Al to finally listen to me, and then when I finally shut the door in his face, yelling that I am truly done with this relationship, I'm exhausted. I retreat to the couch, collapsing into it. I've never been good with break ups, but now I relish the weight off my shoulders as I think about the freedom I've just given myself.

It only takes a minute before my mind wonders to the house down the street. I'd been to Tobias's house a couple of times since I'd seen him at the bar. Our visits were friendly, stopping over for a beer and catching up. But now, there's only one thing on my mind.

I pick up the phone, clicking on his name, and wait until he answers.

"Can I come over?"

He doesn't hesitate. "I'll meet you halfway."

TOBIAS-8 YEARS AGO

Watching Tris walk to my house, the streetlights casting her shadow on the sidewalk, I think about how much I missed her during the time we spent apart. I'm not sure why a part of me remains held off from her in certain ways – hell, I haven't even kissed her despite all of the places I've touched her – but at the same time, I'm more open with her than anyone else in my life.

One of the things that I enjoy about Tris is how low-maintenance she is. She's not someone I have to talk to every day, or every week. But she is someone that will always pick up the phone when I need her, and I don't mean just sexually either. When I wasn't sure about spending the summer in California, I'd called Tris, who immediately urged me to pursue it.

I wrap her in a hug when I see her, and I hear her exhale as she melts into my chest. We stand like that for a moment before she pulls away and we turn towards my house without speaking. Zeke is awake, and his brother, Uriah, is over. As we come inside, they both greet Tris from their seats closer to the television, and Zeke hands her a beer after she sits on the couch.

Uriah turns away from the game to raise his eye brows at Tris. "Where's Al?"

Tris shakes her head a little. "Not with me, anymore," she says with a slight chuckle.

"You finally kicked his ass to the curb?" Uriah says, his eyes widening.

Tris just laughs at his facial expression. "Yeah. Was it that bad?"

Trying to hide his true feelings, Uriah shrugs and turns back to the TV. He'd confessed to me weeks before that he had Al in two of his classes, and he'd gotten to know him through a couple of group projects and unfortunate seat choices. Uriah didn't know that Tris and I had some history; Zeke - and Will by default of Christina - were the only ones that knew. But Uriah had still been baffled by the pairing, confessing to me that he thought Al was a douchebag, and certainly not good enough for someone like Tris.

Tris shyly glances over to me as she sips from her can of beer, and I catch her eye. "You broke up with him?" I say to clarify.

She nods. "Yeah."

I bring my own can to my lips before softly mumbling, "Good."

It makes her blush, and she brings her feet up to tuck under her lap. From the recliner I'm sitting in, I can see how relaxed she is here, how that audible sigh she'd let out on the sidewalk brought comfort and relief from whatever happened with Al.

"How'd he take it?" Zeke chimes in, pulling us out of our moment. "I bet he wasn't too happy. That dude's crazy about you."

"That was the problem," Tris explains. "I'm not crazy about him. He was smothering me, and he wasn't happy when I told him that."

Even though I didn't know Al on a personal level, I wasn't a fan of them being together. I would never relay that opinion to Tris because part of me is biased, but Al seemed to be the type of guy who wanted a girl by him that never strayed, was never wild, never free. And all of those words – straying, wild, and free – describe Tris.

"Well, now that you've got some extra free time, you're always welcome to walk down and have a beer with the guys," Zeke says, raising his glass to her.

Uriah holds a hand on his chest. "We promise not to smother you."

Tris laughs, but looks to me for confirmation. "Anytime," I agree, with a genuine smile and nod of my head to let her know I mean it.

She's visibly relaxed after that, and we each have a couple more beers to get us through the end of the game. After the buzzer, Uriah and Zeke begin complaining about a couple calls and errors, so I take this small moment of privacy to look over at Tris.

"Want to go to bed?" I say as I nod my head over in the direction of my room.

"Yes," she replies, a small smile playing on her lips.

I stand, tossing our beer cans in the empty recycling bin in the doorway to the kitchen, and Tris follows suit. "We're turning in," I say to Zeke and Uriah.

"Night," Zeke says, unphased, but I see Uriah's face twisted in confusion until I shoot him a look.

"Night," Tris replies, not even glancing in their direction.

She's pulling off her sweatshirt before I've even gotten the door shut, her pants following before she slides into my bed and under the covers. Moving a little slower, I unzip my hoodie and hang it on the doorknob.

"So really, this Al shit is over with?" I ask, wanting to confirm this before I get into bed with her.

"Completely over," she says with a sigh, running her hands through her hair.

"How do you feel?" I unzip my pants, dropping them to my feet and kicking them to the side.

She turns on her side to face me. "I don't think I've ever felt more relief. I just… I can do 'me' again, you know."

I nod and laugh. "Oh, I know."

She softly chuckles at me as I get into bed next to her, lying on my side to mirror her body. Face to face with me, my eyes take in her face. Her soft features, her unique gray eyes – they all combine to make an unusual type of beauty that's only suitable for Tris.

I reach out, my hand finding its way onto her hip. "I miss you, you know," I admit to her.

"Yeah, I know," she says with a smile, before adding. "I missed you, too."

"Let's **not** do that again, ok? Not for 8 months anyways."

She gives me a mischievous look. "Don't date a nutjob again, ok?"

I can't help but laugh at her as he my hand slides back to cup her ass while my lips simultaneously find her neck. "I'll try," I mumble against her skin.

She sighs contently, words escaping her mind as my hands explore her body. I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss the feeling of Tris's curves whenever I was with another woman. My hands had her memorized, and it was almost as if every time I was with someone else, they ached for her instead.

She melts into me, one hand slipping into my hair, the other reaching between us to rub my hard dick from outside of my boxers. I'm in no rush to rip her clothes off after all of the time I went without her.

My hand travels further north, coming to rest on her breast while my thumb grazes her nipple. I hear a soft moan escape her mouth as she pushes herself more into my hand. I unclasp her bra to give me more access, and before I know it Tris is pushing me onto my back.

She climbs on top, straddling me, giving me access to all parts of her body as she removes her shirt and slips off her bra. I sit up, letting her pull my shirt off before pulling her against my chest. Her skin is warm and soft against mine, and I don't waste any time exploring every inch of her perfect, naked form before me. Being with Tris is calm and satisfying in a way I could never feel with anyone else.

I lean back, pulling her towards me while she presses against my dick. She rolls her hips on me and I squeeze her ass in response, dipping my head to coax one of her breasts into my mouth.

The thing that is so attractive about Tris is that she's so mysteriously sexy. Even when she was a young freshman, she never dressed in the same revealing clothes as the majority of the women around her. Yet even with her clothing choices, there was always something about Tris that men found undeniably sexy, myself included. I feel extremely lucky that I'm one of the few men she's chosen to share that sexiness with.

It's not long before I can't handle the pressure building up inside of me from the way she rolls her hips against me. I flip her over, licking and kissing my way down her body until I'm between her legs. One swipe of my tongue makes her clench, and I pull back.

"Tris, relax," I remind her before returning to what I was doing. She moans, a hand running through my hair and giving it a light tug. Watching Tris's climax build, feeling her muscles clench and her body spasm, is one of the sexiest sights I've ever seen. It's not long before she cries out and her nails run along my arm, her back arched and head back. I keep going, letting her enjoy it for as long as I can make it last, only coming up when she's relaxed. Her breathing is slowing, but once I'm next to her she reaches down to grab me.

"That was…God…" She swallows, her chest still heaving. "It's been too long."

That comment goes straight to my ego, knowing that I can do things to Tris's body that she enjoys more than others' attempts. She pushes my shoulder back so roll me over, and climbs on top of me, lightly biting my ear before she begins to move south.

Her fingers lightly run over my torso, and the anticipation of knowing what she's about to do is driving me nuts. Once she runs her tongue lightly over my tip I hear an involuntary moan escape from my mouth. "Shit…."

She licks the underside of my dick before taking me in her mouth, her tongue swirling around me. It's undeniably sexy to watch her mouth on me. Plus, her ass is in the air, giving me a perfect view of her curves.

I know Tris has been with other men, at least one, since we stopped hooking up last school year. But she hasn't forgotten anything about me – I can tell from the way her moves her mouth, the way her hands fondle me, that she remembers exactly the things that drive me over the edge.

It's not much longer before I whisper her name, my breathing now heavy and blood pumping. "I'm not gonna be much longer," I get out.

"MmmHmm," she responds without taking her mouth of me, and the vibration pushes me even further. It's just a few more seconds before I'm finishing in her mouth, and she doesn't stop until she thinks I'm completely empty.

She sits up with a bit of sour face, so I had her a bottle of water from the nightstand.

"Thanks," she says after a few drinks. "That was…uh…"

"Amazing? Incredible? There's a lot of words I could use."

She smiles at me. "I was thinking more along the lines of 'fucking hot', but I guess those work too."

I laugh at her bluntness, but deep down appreciate it. Despite our sexual endeavors together, Tris has always kept it cool and casual, never allowing it to get awkward or uncomfortable.

I lay back down on my side, motioning for her to get closer. "Get over here."

She lays down with her back to me, and my arm immediately encircles her waist. I plant a kiss on the back of her neck before we both drift off.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

I walk with Tobias down Damen Avenue, a comfortable silence between us. Wicker Park isn't far from my apartment, and I've come here often over the past few years. When I first moved into my apartment, Tobias told me the area suited me perfectly well. Its hipster feel is perfect for a writer like myself, he said. So when the weather was nice, I often came down to the park to write, and it always reminded me a bit of Tobias.

"How's work been?" he asks me, breaking the silence.

I nod. "It's been good." Writing had always been something that I'd enjoyed but I wasn't sure if anyone cared to read the words that flew out of my head and off my fingertips. Luckily, I'd landed a job at a magazine and a variety of freelance work. "Enjoying it. You?"

Tobias smiles genuinely. "Really good. Gaining new clientele every day."

"Still cutting for the big guys?" I ask, curious about his clientele growth since the last time we spoke.

"Yeah," he says with wide eyes. "I never really guessed I'd have those guys sitting in my chair, actors and CEOs and shit, but they are."

It had taken Tobias a few extra years to figure out what he wanted to do as a career. It took five years for him to earn a business degree in college because he'd switched majors a couple times, but a year later he'd enrolled in a barber school in the city. He got a job at a prestigious shop in the city, and it wasn't long before he was building a clientele of his own. Several actors began to claim their place in his chair, as well as prominent businessmen and well known city officials.

"Are you still thinking about opening up your own shop?" It was something he'd mentioned to me when he'd started to feel confident in his skills, and having a business degree made it very possible for him to do so.

His face has fallen when I look up at him, and he shoves his hand in his pockets. "That's another argument," he says as he shakes his head.

"Oh."

"I talked to the bank about a loan, just to see what I should aim for, what my options are." He runs his hands through his hair. "Lauren's not having it."

"Why?" I hold back my true shock and disappointment. "What's her reason?"

Tobias shakes his head. "She said I won't make any money." His voice is softer as he admits this. "It's not a profitable investment," he says as he makes quotation marks with his fingers.

"She said that?!" I say with a little more emotion now.

"Yep. Sure did."

I shake my head, taking a deep breath. "Wow."

"Yeah," he says with a halfhearted, phony chuckle. "When we first got together, she was cool with my job, with my career. I don't make a ton, and I'm ok with that. I thought she was…but I don't think she is anymore." We approach the park then, and Tobias pauses as we pass a group of people.

We both sit when we reach a park bench, Tobias just inches from me. "I'm sorry," I say with a soft rub of his knee. I can't think of anything else to say, any other condolences to offer him.

"Yeah well," he shrugs. "Remember, its part of that hole in the shoe, making it bigger."

I shake my head at his analogy, wondering how many other things were tearing at that hole, making him slowly grow more miserable.

"Come on," he says, pulling me up by my hand. "Let's go get a hot dog."

TOBIAS – 8 years ago

"Did you hear Tris is dating Drew?" Uriah asks me from the couch opposite of mine.

I shrug and take a swig of my beer. "It's probably nothing."

Zeke raises his eyebrows beside me as he tosses the game controller onto the coffee table. "I don't know man. Have you talked to her lately?"

Trying to act like the thought of Tris with another man doesn't bother me, I take another drink. "Yeah, here and there. She hasn't mentioned him, so it can't be a big deal."

Uriah scoffs. "Or, she isn't telling you because just four months ago she was in your bed." He's referring back to the night that Tris had broken up with Al. What he doesn't know, is that Tris has been in my bed many times since.

"Watch it," Zeke mumbles. "You're privileged to know about that."

I raise my eyebrows at him, reminding him that it's not common knowledge and he should keep it private. When they're both preoccupied with their video game again, I pull out my phone.

 **Tobias: What's going on tonight?**

 **Tris: Heading home in a few.**

Her response is quick, almost as if she was already on her phone. Briefly, I wonder if she was texting Drew. I know who Drew is, from mutual friends and crossing paths, but I can't see Tris swooning over his lazy lifestyle and long hippie hair.

 **Tobias: Busy at home?**

 **Tris: No…**

I debate slightly, wondering if I should ask her what I'm about to, or stay away from her. But if she was seriously dating Drew, she wouldn't let me over. I know that, and I have no doubt.

 **Tobias: Can I come over?**

 **Tris: See you in ten.**

TRIS – 8 YEARS AGO

I walk past Christina's room, making sure I hear the soft, relaxed breathing of her and Will. I already know Shauna's asleep because has to work early in the morning. I'd left Marlene at the bar with a few of her friends, making her swear she'd crash with them for the night. I see a flash of lights through the front windows and head back to the doorway, waiting for Tobias.

It was surprising to get a message from him, but I readily welcomed the opportunity to be with him. Even though we'd taken advantage of living so close, our nights together had faded out over the past 2 months, and we just texted or occasionally caught up in a quick phone call.

He comes to the door quickly, and even his movements in the darkness are arousing to me. Once he's in the door I don't hesitate, and I pull him to me, pressing my lips against his. He welcomes my advance, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me against his chest. For the very first time, I was kissing Tobias.

"Let's go," I whisper into him, turning and pulling him up to my room.

We don't hesitate tonight, Tobias pulling my clothes off while I tug at his. We stumble to my bed, and Tobias's hands roam to every single place I've craved them since the last time he touched me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Thanks for all the reviews :) A couple of people have commented on Tobias's behavior and things that he has said to Tris in the flashbacks. So, at this point in the flashbacks, they are just friends. They have no commitment to each other besides being very close friends. And while it may not be everyone's preference, there are people that maintain sexual relationships with no commitment or expectations to each other, and this is the point they are at right now. While as readers, we know their feelings about each other are stronger than what they relay to each other, they have not shared that.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

By Monday, I'm still at Tris's apartment, and I'm still constantly pushing the nagging thoughts of my relationship with Lauren out of my mind. I can't force myself to figure out what I want to do because for a little while I just want to enjoy the laid back, relaxed atmosphere I feel when I'm away from Lauren – and with Tris.

Before work, we both dance around each other in her apartment, taking turns in the shower and Tris filling her thermos with coffee while shoving her overnight oats in her purse to eat at her desk. I drink my coffee and eat my bagel leisurely, as Tris still has to style her hair and apply very little, subtle make-up – something I've always found incredibly sexy about her.

"Shit," she mumbles as we're about to head out the door. "You don't have a key."

"Oh, yeah…it's no big deal." I wave it off, not wanting her to be concerned. I can hang at the shop or find a place to relax until she's off work.

"I'm off at 4. You?"

"5," I reply.

"I'll come by the shop?" she questions, her head tilted thoughtfully. Her smile grows when I admit to her that I'd like it if she did. She's only been there a couple times, and those visits were years ago, when I had first started working there. It's been nice to catch up with her and get reacquainted with each other's lives.

"See you then," she says as we head out the door together.

* * *

I'm working on what is probably my last client for the day when I hear the bell on the front door. I don't turn to see who it is, instead maintaining my attention on the cut I'm doing. Plus, there are four other barbers working right now, and two of their stations are open.

I hear Eric's voice as he greets the customer. "Hey. Can I help you?"

"I'm here for Tobias," Tris's voice responds. I finish the stroke of my scissors and turn to look at her. With a smile, I nod her over to the row of chairs in the back of the shop where some clients wait, just a few feet away from my station. Plus, Eric doesn't need to spend any time chatting her up.

I'd told Tris years ago that my friends were off limits to her. A part of me may have said it selfishly, because I'm not sure how I'd react if I saw Tris hooking up with or dating one of my friends. But the biggest reason for making that decision is because my friends in college were assholes. Tris deserved a lot better than the guys I hung around, and I wasn't about to let her go through the letdown they'd put her through.

Watching Eric eye her up and down as she walks towards the chairs, I feel my stomach flip. Of all the guys that work in the shop, Eric is the only one I dislike. I can't stand the cocky attitude he has or how he brags about a new girl every week or two. He's nice to customers, but everyone else he treats like crap, and I'm going to make sure he stays far away from Tris. If she keeps coming here regularly, I'll have to warn her about Eric and make sure he knows the boundaries with her, which is basically that she's off limits.

I keep working on my client and it suddenly dawns on me what just crossed my mind. Tris coming to the shop regularly? I just saw that as a viable possibility, and that could only mean one thing – that I'm considering ending things with Lauren.

Shaking my head, I concentrate on the job in front of me. It's not much longer before I'm finished, and I cash him out the register, thanking him for the tip. When I return to my station, Tris is in my chair, playfully eyeing me.

"I'm next," she says as she pushes her long blonde hair behind her shoulders.

I laugh and shake my head in response. "No way, woman."

"Why not?" she says as I begin sweeping up the hair on the floor around her. "I really need a trim?"

I shake my head again. "Not a chance, Tris."

She stands up, her hands on her hips. "Seriously Tobias, like an inch!"

"I haven't done a woman's cut since school," I tell her, pausing with the broom. "You'd probably hate it."

Her eyes roll in response, but I stand firm. "Sorry. We'll have to go somewhere else," I apologize.

She huffs at my insistent refusal, and I can't help but laugh at her again. "I'll be done soon. Then we can leave."

I turn to clean up my tools when I hear Eric's voice behind me. "Tobias," he says casually, like we're friends. "Are you going to introduce us to your…friend?" The pause is accusing, and I know Eric's probably dying to know why Tris is here when I'm engaged to Lauren.

"Eric, this is my friend Tris. Tris, Eric works here," I say flatly, giving her a look that I hope she reads.

Her eyes linger on me before sticking her hand out to Eric, shaking his quickly. "Nice to meet you, Eric."

"Pleasure is all mine," he responds, and I have to hold in a gag.

"Tris, you ready?" I say has I hastily finish up my end of day routine.

"Whenever you are," she replies, even though I turn to see her standing, purse on her shoulder.

I nod towards the door. "Let's go."

Once we're outside, I don't hesitate to confess my feelings about Eric. "He's an ass, Tris. I knew he was going to ask you out if he had any more time with you."

Tris nods. "He was kind of creepy. He kept shooting me that weird smile."

I laugh as I picture the smile I know she's talking about. It definitely comes off as creepy, but it must land him some girls with as much as he brags.

"Do you want to grab dinner?" It dawned on me earlier today that Tris had fed me all weekend, in addition to me sleeping on her couch, and I owe her something in return. "Come on," I urge. "I owe you."

She shakes her head and pats a hand lightly on my back. "Don't feel like you owe me. You'd do the same for me."

I would, and I know that. But if I did, Tris would want to repay me too. So I tug on her arm to turn down the street, and together we head to Portillo's to order and settle in a booth.

TRIS- 7 YEARS AGO

I'm almost asleep, watching TV in my cozy bed when I hear my phone ring. Shauna and Christina are already asleep since we'd chosen to stay in tonight. For our senior year, we'd exchanged our large white house for a smaller apartment to save on rent and other expenses. It also put us in walking distance of campus and a few neighborhood bars, so we saved on commuting expenses and parking passes as well.

I pick up my phone, surprised to see a text from Tobias.

Tobias: You home?

Another text comes through before I can respond.

Tobias: Zeke left me at the Hoo. Can I walk down to your place?

The Hoo is a bar just a couple blocks away, and I'm surprised he is even there. It's not a place he frequents.

Tris: Yeah. Text me when you're here.

I'm almost asleep again when my phone rings, Tobias letting me know he's at the door. I roll out of bed, groggily checking the peephole before opening the door for him. He stands with wide eyes in the doorway, hesitating to enter.

"Tris," he says slowly. "Are you in your underwear?"

I glance down at my legs. I hadn't bothered or thought to throw on pants, so I just shrug. "Yeah, I guess."

He swallows, and I can see the immediate swelling in his jeans. I tip my head in the direction of my room and he finally walks into the apartment, kicking his shoes off before he hangs his coat on a hook. "Thanks for letting me come by."

"No problem," I reply as I walk back to my room, and I can hear him follow me. "I was almost asleep though."

"Well, don't plan on going back to sleep anymore," I hear him mumble.

Once we're in my room he slips into bed behind me. Despite what I hear him mumble, I am incredibly tired. His arm slips around my waist, pulling my back against his chest. His lips run lightly on the back of my neck.

"How've you been?" he asks softly as his fingers ghost across my thigh.

"Alright," I reply, keeping my eyes closed at the feel of his fingertips. "How was the Hoo?"

"Loud…packed…annoying." His hand slips under my shirt, spreading his fingers across my abdomen. "Zeke said he was going to pick up Uriah, but never came back. Everyone else was content to stay until closing."

I sigh as his hand reaches closer to my underwear. "Hmm. Glad you came by."

"I know you are," he says as his fingers dip down between my legs and feel the wetness that's already there. "I can tell."

Tobias doesn't waste time as I roll slightly back into him to give him better access. It doesn't take long for him to bring me to my climax, but I'm surprised when he pushes my hands away from his pants when he's finished.

"I want to make you come again," he whispers.

I can't help but nod weakly, not even wanting to argue. He smiles against my neck as he slips his hand back down into my underwear, causing me to instantly moan.

When he's gotten me off again, he rolls me back over onto my side and curls up behind me. "Go back to bed, Tris. I know you're tired."

"But…what about you?"

"That was definitely good enough for me. That feeling of you on my hand…it's beyond satisfying." He pulls me against him again, and I feel his breath deepen and slow as we both begin to drift off to sleep.

* * *

I wake up in the morning the way I usually do when I'm with Tobias. He's curled up around me from behind, his arm tightly around my waist and face buried in the back of my neck. I hate cuddling when I'm sleeping, and I've never been able to do it with anyone else. But with Tobias, it's a soft, comfortable presence that I've never noticed until I've woken up.

Slowly, I stretch out, which causes him to stir and offer a tight squeeze. "Good morning," he whispers.

"Hey." I sit up after he uncurls himself from me, shaking out my hair and rubbing my eyes. "I need coffee."

Tobias laughs from behind me, shaking his head. I can feel his eyes on me as I walk towards the door, but I try to act nonchalant. Lately, the mornings after with Tobias have had me nervous. Ever since we kissed, I feel like something has been different between us. It's like there's less sexual tension, and a little more…romance? Affection? I don't know how to describe it, but I feel like something has changed.

I fumble with the pot, dumping spoonfuls of coffee in the filter and pouring in a full 12 cups of water. As I'm pulling out two mugs from the cabinet, I hear Christina's door creek open.

"Mornin'," she says from behind me.

"Hey," I nod to her.

"Do you want to go to the gym in an hour or so?" she says as she plops onto a bar stool.

I shrug. "Maybe." I'm not going to object to a little time in bed with Tobias, and I don't want to kick him out and run for the door either.

Christina groggily runs her hand through her hair and yawns, beginning to babble about how she couldn't fall asleep last night because she was too engrossed in the Bachelorette marathon that was on. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

When the coffees done, I fill the mugs for Tobias and I, but I catch Christina's hopeful look.

"Me?" she asks, and I hand her one of the full ones before reaching for a third. "Why do you have two mugs for yourself?"

I feel my nerves jingling. "One is for Tobias."

Christina's mouth is open when I turn to her, and I can see the blatant shock on her face. "Tris…" she says softly, but I cut her off with a sharp look.

"Not now," I whisper, grabbing the two cups and heading back to my room.

"Put some pants on!" she hollers from her bar stool before I shut the door to my room.

Tobias laughs when he hears her, and I turn to find him still shirtless and gorgeous. His bottom half is covered by the sheets, but I know underneath that are just his boxers. I slowly hand him the steaming cup as I put mine on my desk.

"Got any plans for today?" he asks as I pick up the TV remote.

"Maybe the gym and some homework." I shrug. "You?"

"Not a thing," he says as he sips his mug. I'm not surprised that he has no plans. Tobias is so laid back and relaxed, he never feels the need to have a schedule or plan anything in advance, even his responsibilities. It's a freedom that drives me crazy but I simultaneously envy.

Suddenly he asks, "Have you been seeing anyone?"

I take a slow glance at him, not sure of what to say. "Why would you ask that?"

"Things just seemed…different…last night." I watch him play with the end of the bed sheet and open and close his mouth twice. Instead of speaking, he stays silent.

Sighing, I lean back against the wall. "We've just hung out a few times," I confess. "In a group. Not exclusively."

I swear I see sadness flash through Tobias's eyes, but it's gone before I've even realized it.

"Robert," I say, not forcing him to ask.

"Do you like him?"

Before I answer, I take a drink to buy me some time. I'm not sure if I really have any feelings for Robert. He's fun to be around – in a friendly sort of way – and he's cute. Do I get excited at the thought of being with him? No.

"I like him enough," is the only explanation I can offer.

Tobias almost seems relieved at this answer, but then his brow furrows. "Why are you hanging out with him if you aren't crazy about him?"

"Oh come on, like you've never had a 'right now' type of girl?" I've known plenty of girls that Tobias has briefly dated that didn't truly hold his interest.

He scratches the back of his head, then shakes his head. "You just deserve a lot better than that. You deserve someone who makes you feel alive."

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Tobias, I haven't dated anyone in a long time. And I don't have members of the opposite sex swooning over me like you. Maybe it's just nice enough right now to feel desired."

His mouth drops open like I just said something hurtful, and he sits up straighter. "You don't think you're desired?!"

"Um… no, Tobias. If I was, I wouldn't be so damn lonely!" I say it louder than I intend to and I know Christina heard it, but I don't care. We don't have rules in place for this arrangement or whatever it is, but Tobias can't hold me to a standard he won't hold himself to. I know he dates casually and I know that he doesn't really care about any of the women he's seen on more than a casual level. Sometimes it's because he's told me, but sometimes it's because of the way he acts.

"Hey," he says softly. "I didn't know you were lonely."

"God, I'm not." I push up off the bed reaching to grab sweatpants off of my desk chair. "It's just nice to have company, sometimes." I shove my legs through, suddenly wanting to be covered, hidden.

"Don't do that," he says, putting his coffee down and turning to face me.

"Do what?" I ask defensively.

"Get all distant. Cover up and hide."

I roll my eyes. I don't know how Tobias always knows what I'm doing, but he does.

He stands up, walks over to me, and faces me. "You need to give yourself more credit. You are more than desirable, and not just to me." His hands find my hips, pulling me closer to him until I slip my arms around his waist, returning his embrace. "I'm always here if you feel lonely."

I sarcastically chuckle. "Sure…to get naked."

"No. I'm here however, whenever you need me." He holds my shoulders, leaning back to look me in the eye.

"It's just annoying," I say softly. "Christina has Will, Shauna's dating Zeke..."

He nods. I've been wondering how Tobias has felt over that recent turn of events. It took me back when Shauna had confessed that she was into Zeke, and it had already been clear to Christina and I that Zeke was more than into Shauna. However, I felt a little odd around them, having mostly only been around Zeke with Tobias also present. I didn't know what he thought of Tobias and I's relationship, and was nervous about how he would act now.

"It's definitely a change," he adds after a moment. "I'm seeing a new side of him, that's for sure."

He pulls me back to his chest, embracing me tightly. "You'll get there, Tris. You'll find someone who deserves you one day."

TOBIAS-PRESENT DAY

"So," I say as I dip my fry into Tris's ketchup, "What do you have planned this weekend?"

She laughs. "It's Monday, Tobias. Right now, I have nothing planned."

"Aw, come on. Something?"

Tris just shakes her head, and then swats my hand as I reach for her ketchup again. "Get your own."

I eat my fry plain, reaching for my own jumbo Chicago-style hot dog. "If you aren't doing anything this weekend because I'm at your place I can find somewhere else to go."

Tris immediately shakes her head. "No, it's not that. I have a deadline on Sunday for some freelance work. I'm a little behind."

"If you're sure." I shrug, knowing that Tris would never tell me to leave, especially when it hasn't been that long since I arrived.

She eyes me before she slowly asks the next question. "Does Lauren know where you are?"

I sigh and nod. When I first left, I didn't know where I was going. I had told myself I would go to Zeke's or Uriah's, but when I picked up the phone, the only person I felt like calling was Tris. Anyone else would have wanted answers and details, but not Tris. She's never pressured me to share more than I've been ready for.

"I told her the next day. I didn't want it to look like I was hiding something." I knew Lauren would be pissed when I told her I was staying at Tris's, but I used the excuse that I didn't feel comfortable crashing with Zeke or Uriah because they don't live alone; they both live with their girlfriends.

"That makes me feel better," she admits before biting her hot dog. I watch her chew thoughtfully before she opens her mouth again. "She doesn't know about…what we used to…do, does she?" It's hard for her to get the words out, like she's not sure of the proper terms to define it.

I shake my head then. "No, she doesn't know. Doesn't need to," I add. If Lauren did know, there's no way she'd allow Tris and I to continue to be friends. And even though we don't talk as much as we used to, there have been times that we've caught up or hung out together. I would never want Lauren to try to halt that.

"That's probably a good thing, especially right now." Tris wears a relieved look on her face, and I notice how beautiful she is when she's at ease. She's always been like that, though –naturally beautiful.

I shake my head when I realize what I'm thinking about, and try to casually keep the conversation going instead of thinking about her.

"Yeah, I guess. You haven't heard from Peter lately, have you?" I try to approach the subject tenderly.

"No." Her voice is sharp, and I can tell she doesn't want to continue on the topic anymore. "Not since the last time I told you about."

I nod, but I can see the distant look Tris gets in her eyes as she tries to push the memories of Peter out of her mind. Memories I wish she'd never had in the first place.

TRIS – 4 YEARS AGO

I sigh as I hit the elevator button to Peter's 23rd floor apartment. He's been living in the Loop since I met him and although I don't mind it, I don't think I could ever live here myself. His building is so impersonal and it lacks the character of my Wicker Park condo that I've come to adore.

It was Peter who brought up moving in together a few months ago. While I was happy with the idea, I was still trying to convince him to go with a new apartment instead of just relocating to his current one. He isn't really budging on that idea.

When I get to his floor, I walk down the short hall and use my key to open up the door. I can already hear the water running from the front door, and I know Peter's in the shower just like he'd told me he would be. I make my way to the bedroom, dropping my bag near his dresser.

"Hey," I say loudly as I peek into the bathroom. "I'm here."

"Hey!" I hear him yell from behind the glass shower doors. "I'll be out in a minute."

I slip back out the door, not wanting the steam from the shower to mess up my hair. We're meeting Peter's friend Drew for dinner, and he's bringing his new girlfriend.

Grabbing my make-up bag out of my overnight bag, I stand in front of the long, low dresser to begin my simple make up routine. I'm beginning to pull a few things out when I hear Peter's phone buzz from where it's placed on the end. Lately he's been getting called on weekends to deal with internet problems and outages, along with working some later nights, so I glance over at it to see if it's someone from work.

 _Amber_ the screen reads, and I instantly freeze. I take a deep breath as I rack my brain to think of someone Peter knows named Amber. I can't think of a single female he's even mentioned at work, so I don't think the dull feeling in the pit of my stomach is off target.

I've never gone through Peter's phone and never felt the need. But right now I can't help myself and I quickly swipe the screen and hit his passcode to unlock it. If I have his passcode, I can't imagine that he would have anything on there to hide. I open the message and my hands immediately begin shaking.

 _I'll miss you this weekend, babe. Talk when you can, ok?_

Babe?! I'll miss you?! The words race through my head and I read the message over and over until my eyes blur.

I hear the water shut off, and I put Peter's phone back where it was, trying to remain calm. I try to think rationally and make a calm decision about how to handle this. As Peter comes out of the bathroom, a towel slung around his waist, I avoid eye contact and dig in my make-up bag.

His phone dings again, and I can see from the corner of my eye that ugly, sick name again. Amber.

"Who's that? Is it work again?" I ask innocently, trying to act concerned that our night will be cancelled.

"Yeah," he says as he types a quick reply. "An outage, again." He locks the phone and tosses it onto the bed. "I told them I'm not taking calls this weekend." He moves towards me, slinking his arms around my waist as he brings his face to my neck.

Dodging him, I turn to my head to deny access. "Did you guys hire anyone new to deal with them?"

"No," he says with a sigh, as if he's frustrated. "Still interviewing."

"Oh," I say, and my stomach clenches before I speak my next words. "Didn't hire anyone named Amber?"

I look up from the mirror just in time to catch his gaze falter, and if I had a doubt in my mind it's gone now.

"No…" he stumbles over his words. "I don't… work…uh…with anyone named Amber."

"Where'd you meet her, then?" I turn around now, glaring at him as he steps backward.

"Who?"

"Come on, _babe_ ," I say sharply.

Peter puts his hands on his hips, ready to defend himself. "Tris, that wasn't what it looks like," he says lamely.

"Oh, yeah?! What the fuck was it, Peter?!" I start shoving my things back in my make-up bag, my hands shaking.

"She's been trying to hook up with me! She works in another department, so I don't really work with her. I didn't tell you because-"

"Bullshit!" I yell, shoving things in my duffle. "You didn't tell me because you're fucking her. God, do you really think I'm so stupid that I would believe that?"

My blood is boiling, the anger inside of me growing with every pathetic word he offers me.

"Tris, come on," Peter says, but I grab my duffle and hurry towards the kitchen.

He catches up to me, grabbing my hand to stop me. "Tris, wait! I swear!"

I turn to pull my hand away and he releases early, causing me knock into the garbage can, knocking it over and causing the contents to spill all over the floor.

The look on his face makes me pause, but when I look down at the mess from the garbage can, the gold wrapper catches my eye immediately.

"There's a fucking condom in your garbage can."

His face falls, admitting defeat.

"Was that Amber, or was it from someone else? I mean, can't I at least know how many there were?!"

Peter's face hardens again. "It's not mine! Drew was over here the other day-"

"My God!" I yell, unable to take it any longer. "I'm done," I say before storming towards the door and slamming it behind me.

When I finally make it outside my chest is burning and my stomach still churning. I can't cry with how embarrassed I am, but I know I can't go home and sit in my apartment alone either. If I do, I'll certainly break down and then feel worse.

I lean against the building, catching my breath, when I realize the only person I can bare to be around right now is Tobias.

TOBIAS – 4 YEARS AGO

I'm just home from work when my phone rings, and I race over to snatch it up off the kitchen counter before it goes to voicemail. I've applied for a few new jobs and have anxiously been waiting for a phone call from any of them. So far, I've had no luck.

Tris's name flashes on the screen, so I pick it up without thinking twice. We catch up through text or a quick phone call once or twice a week, but it's been hard to find time to hang out. It seems like she's pretty wrapped up in her boyfriend, Peter, and I've been working a lot of hours to pay off the rest of my student loans from Barber School.

"Hey," I say, excited to hear from her. Despite the fact that our friendship does seem to fade in and out from time to time, I've never stopped caring for Tris.

"Hey…." Her voice is shaky, and I instantly know something is wrong.

"Are you ok?" I ask with worry.

"Can I come over?" she spits out hastily, and I can hear her voice start to shake.

"Of course. What happened, Tris?"

Her breath is heavier, and I can tell she's walking quickly now. "Peter…he uh…"

"Did he hit you?" I try to keep my voice calm, but my concern for Tris grows. I didn't know Peter well enough to dislike him, but something always bothered me about him. Deep down, I had this gut feeling from the first time I met him that he would end up hurting her.

"No," she insists. "I just…would rather talk about it when I get there."

"Do you want me to come get you?" I know Peter lives downtown, leaving her with a long walk or a ride on the El.

"I'm getting on the El. I'll be there soon."

It's not long before Tris is at my door. I've changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and found some smaller clothes for her in case she needs something to wear.

Once she's through the door she lunges into my arms, burying her face in my chest and letting out a long, shaky breath.

I don't speak. I hold her against me for what feels like an eternity, hating the reason but glad that she came to me for comfort. When she finally pulls away, I lead her to the couch where she collapses. The emotional strain on her face is evident, so I lean back, allowing her space to curl up against my side.

"I feel like such a moron," she says with a sniffle. "I found a message in Peter's phone."

I stay silent, letting her continue when she's ready.

"He's been cheating on me."

"Prick," I mutter under my breath.

"I was leaving and he tried to stop me-"

"What?! Physically?!"

"I mean, kind of. He just grabbed my arm to stop me. I pulled away and knocked over the garbage can."

I take a deep breath, attempting to calm myself, but all I can picture is Peter's hand on her. Even if she doesn't think it was very physical, I don't appreciate the thought.

"There was a fucking condom in there, Tobias."

I close my eyes, thinking about how terrible it must feel for Tris to have learned it all that way. I lean down and kiss her head, trying to absorb some of her pain.

"This is so embarrassing," she says as her voice cracks, and I know she's starting to cry. "I bet everyone knew, too. They probably just laughed at me and how stupid I am."

"You're not stupid, Tris. You cared about him." I know my words can't offer much right now, but I still want to try to console her.

"I can't believe I thought he was it. That he was the one I was going to marry." It's a confession I knew existed, but one that she'd never said aloud until tonight. She'd probably never say it to anyone else, either.

I rub her back. "You'll find that person, Tris."

"No, I won't!" she exclaims. "You don't get it, Tobias, because every woman that sees you, wants you. You don't know what it's like to look like…this!"

"What's that mean?" I say as I lean sideways to look at her. "What do you think you look like?"

"All…plain." She shakes her head as she motions to herself. "I'm not beautiful, or sexy. I don't look like the type of women that men desire."

I can't disagree with her more, so I sit her up to look her in the eye. "Tris, you are exactly what every man would desire. You're beautiful, and unbelievably sexy, and I never see you any other way. You're smart and hardworking and there are so many things about you that someone will appreciate someday. But thinking that about yourself over some ass wipe like Peter? No. You are not going to do that."

She runs a hand through her blonde hair, unable to look me in the eye for a minute.

"You shouldn't even be shedding a tear, because you just dodged a bullet, Tris. Now he's someone else's mess. I know you've got better things ahead for you."

Her shoulders sink down a bit and I can see the clear, obvious sadness on her face. "I just don't want to feel like this. This….hurt."

"Then don't. Decide you're going to be happy. Decide it's in the past, and just go forward."

Tris takes a few deep breaths, her chest rising and falling with each one. Finally, she looks up at me, wiping at her tear stained face with the back of her hand. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"You can stay here anytime," I reply honestly.

We stay up for a few more hours, mostly talking and watching some TV. I shower Tris with compliments any time she seems to be getting down on herself. I want her to know how incredible she is, how gorgeous she is, and not doubt herself or her desirable qualities. When we're finally ready for bed, I offer to take the couch and she laughs genuinely. "All those times we've been naked together and suddenly we can't sleep in the same bed?"

I shake my head at her bluntness as I follow her to my room, surprised when she changes into the t-shirt I've left out for her without even minding that I'm in the room.

When we're both in bed, I curl up behind her, my arm tightly around her waist to hold her flush against my chest. "You're the most mesmerizing woman I've ever met," I whisper to her, planting a kiss behind her ear and easing my head down next to her. "Don't ever forget that."

I hear her contently sight as she tries to get even closer to me. "I'll try."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry, this one took a bit longer to get up than I planned. Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

TRIS-4 YEARS AGO

The streets are still slightly busy as I make my way down to the bar Christina had picked for all of us to meet at. Before I could even tell her the entire story about Peter, she'd been whisking me away on shopping trips and brunches to keep my mind on anything other than him. It wasn't that I was dwelling on it or missing him; what was eating at me was the embarrassment. I'd always wondered how women – or men – could be completely oblivious they were in a relationship with someone who was completely unfaithful. It seemed so obvious from the outside. Being on the flip side was a tough pill to swallow, and even though it had been three weeks since our break up, part of me wanted to hide in my apartment without the risk of ever running into Peter or anyone I knew through him.

Christina knew I wouldn't be ready to meet someone new, but she thought that being social was a key component in healing. When I told her that I had been spending more time with Tobias she didn't seem surprised, just asked if this was finally 'the time' or if we were going to keep screwing up.

I know Christina has always thought that there is more between us. A lot of our friends have noticed the small differences in our relationship when they reflect on their own. I'm just…never really sure what I feel for Tobias. And it's hard to describe it in a way that makes sense, but I know that I love him, and that he loves me in a unique, unfaltering kind of way. I'm just not sure if that's enough to make this more.

Upon reaching the bar I pull on the heavy door, winding my way through the tables until I find my friends. They're seated at a set of high top tables, with three seats still open until I claim one.

After a round of greetings, Zeke speaks up. "We're waiting for Uriah and Tobias," he explains. "Uriah's just getting off work, so we can order whenever Tobias gets here."

I nod, suddenly glad there's an empty seat next to the one I just sat in. "Sounds good."

Christina asks me in a chirpy voice how my week was. I know she's trying to be subtle, but she's probably really asking me if I've heard from Peter, which is a definite no. I still need to go back to his apartment to collect my things and give him his key, but he must not be very concerned about either if he hasn't reached out.

"It was a good week," I say to her with a genuine smile. I don't want her, or anyone else, to worry about me because of what happened with Peter.

She's about to open her mouth when Tobias pulls out the chair next to me, greeting everyone as he sits and pulls himself up to the table.

"Hey," he says softly as he leans in to kiss my cheek. "I'm glad you came," he whispers even quieter.

Tobias was the only one who I confessed by true feelings of embarrassment to. He knew as well as I did that Peter was never the perfect fit for me, but I couldn't get over being that stupid girlfriend who's boyfriend had a side chick. Multiple times in the past few weeks I called Tobias early in the morning, before work, in tears over how blind I was with Peter. And every time I called, even though it was the early morning hours, he picked up the phone.

I return his comment with a smile as the waitress approaches, taking our orders for a few appetizers and drinks. I have to admit it feels good to be out with friends and not feel any obligations to cater to someone with me.

We only have a few drinks over the course of the evening, catching up with each other. It's been a few months since we've all gotten together, so we all have some details to share. No one mentions Peter, and I have an inkling that Tobias filled everyone in on it ahead of time so I wouldn't have to handle the questions they'd have.

I'm not sure what lights the fire inside of me when I look over at him after the waitress brings our checks. It's been two years since I've hooked up with Tobias, and suddenly the urge to be with him again is undeniable.

"Hey," I whisper in his ear as I hand my signed receipt back to the waitress. "Where are you going tonight?"

Tobias shakes his head. "Just home," he whispers back. "Unless?" His eye brows are raised and I can tell he knows where this is going.

"Come home with me." I speak softly, not wanting our friends to hear our exchange.

Tobias glances up at the people around us. "Ok," he says softly.

Our table clears at once, shrugging on our jackets and tossing cash onto the table for a tip. When we head out the door, Tobias and I wave to our friends as we head down the street to the direction of my apartment.

"Tris," he says suddenly, halting our walk and turning towards me. "I don't want to do this while you're…hurting."

"What?!" I spin to face him. I'm shocked by his admission, his mistrust in me. "Hurting?!"

"You're still moving forward, getting over what happened. It wouldn't be right of me."

I throw my arms up. "If I'm ready to do this is _my_ decision, not yours."

"I know. And I know you can make that decision. But I just don't want to be that guy, Tris. The guy you're with to forget about him." Just like that, Tobias admits an insecurity to me I never would have thought he'd have – that he's my fall back.

"Are you serious? You think that's what you are?"

He shrugs, not using words to convey his feelings.

"Tobias, this isn't the first time we've done this, and you've never had a problem with other circumstances," I say, referring back to the times that Tobias and I had hooked up regardless of who we were seeing or where we were at in our lives.

I cross my arms, staring at him defiantly.

"I don't have a _problem_ with anything. Don't ever think that I have a problem with being with you." His voice is sharp, clear.

"Then what? Tobias, do you realize we've been doing this for _seven years?!_ Seven years of this…stuff…and suddenly now you're insecure. Doesn't that length of time tell you _something_?!"

"And every time we have to stop, it's hard as fuck!" he suddenly exclaims. "I've thought about getting into bed with you countless times over the past few weeks! But when I finally do, I want you to be thinking about me, and only me. Not someone else who broke your heart!"

"Then kiss me!" Despite being in the middle of the sidewalk on a somewhat busy street, I raise my voice and keep going. "Let me prove that you are the only damn person I want to be with right now!"

Tobias's eyes snap up to meet mine. He stares at me, his hands twitching as if they're trying to reach for me, but his brain is holding them back. I wait, watching him debate this internally. After what feels like eternity he's closing the gap between us, pressing his lips to mine and pulling my hips towards him.

I don't hesitate to reciprocate and run my hands up his neck to cradle the back of his head. The kiss is immediately heated and passionate, and when I pull away I'm still unsatisfied. "Do you still want to say no? Do you still doubt me?"

Tobias scratches his jaw. "Uh…no. I definitely have no doubts in what you want."

I move my hips a little to confirm what I feel against my abdomen is, in fact, a subtle erection, and Tobias almost blushes when I do. "And what you want?"

"Jesus, Tris. There's never been any doubt about wanting you."

"So….?" I trail off, letting him make the call.

"Let's go home," he says as he slings an arm around my shoulders and guides me in the correct direction down the sidewalk.

The walk goes quickly, and we're barely in my apartment when Tobias reaches for me, pulling me toward him in a deep, lust filled kiss. His hands explore while his mouth caresses mine, and I'm slightly surprised at myself when I reach for his pants, rubbing him through his pants before working on his belt.

When his pants are down he kicks them off, leaving them in the entry way as he makes his way towards the couch. He sits before pulling me on top of him. There's one thing I don't like doing when I'm with a man, and that's being on top. The feeling of being in charge and exposed is difficult for me accept. But with Tobias, it's always been different. His eyes roam my body in a completely appreciative way that no one else ever has, and the words he murmurs are the most endearing I've ever heard.

"My God," he mumbles into my neck where he's kissing me.

"What?" I ask, worried he's feeling regret.

He runs his hands down, over my ass. "You're sexy," he breathes against me.

For the first time in a very long time, I believe that I am. He makes me confident when everyone else makes me feel self-conscious.

I roll my hips against him causing him to moan deeply. His hands slip under my shirt and creep upwards towards my breasts, caressing them from outside of my bra.

"Too many clothes," he mumbles as he urges my shirt up and over my head, pressing his mouth onto my chest when it's gone.

I'm not sure how long we spend like that, kissing and touching and not at all in a rush to move any further. When my body is fully electrified because I'm sure his hands have covered every inch accessible, I roll off of him, standing and nodding my head towards my bedroom.

He follows me when I begin to walk, and I unzip my pants and start to urge them down. Catching on, Tobias reaches for me, pulling them the rest of the way down and holding onto my hips as I step out of them.

"That's my job," he whispers from behind me.

Tobias slides into bed before me. Once I'm lying down next to him, he pulls me flush against him. Slowly, his hand slips down to reach inside my underwear. Words cannot describe the way I feel about Tobias touching me, mainly because he's always touched me in a way that no one else has…or can. The feelings he brings out in me, the ecstasy his fingers bring has never been duplicated by anyone else.

I let out a moan when his fingers slide between my legs. His soft, purposeful strokes are ones I could never manage to mimic myself. When they slip inside of me I gasp, and his lips graze every part of my body within reach.

My hand tries to reach out to grasp him, but he swats it away. "I can wait," he says, turning his lips back to me. "I'd rather feel you…around my hand."

The amount of attention Tobias devotes to me during sexual activities has always been more than anyone else. He's always very much preferred to spend his time on me before I give anything in return.

I run a hand through his hair, tugging lightly when his fingers turn up to hit that spot inside of me that he finds without trouble. "God," I breathe out.

"You're so close," he whispers, knowing it before I do. When my orgasm rips through me I dig my nails into his scalp and let out a string of words that I'm sure is just an incoherent babble.

Tobias doesn't remove his fingers, letting me ride it out and then, when I've finally come down from my high he kisses me.

"Let me do it again," he says against my lips.

I can't help but chuckle, still breathless. "Well…I don't know why I would say no…"

"There's nothing better than that feeling. Of you…" he makes his way to down my breast, taking a nipple in his mouth, "tight around my hand…dripping all over it."

"You're the only one who does this to me," I confess.

"Good," he replies with a cocky smile as he glances up at me.

TOBIAS-4 YEARS AGO

Just 2 months after Tris and Peter had broken up, and two more naked and orgasmic nights together, Tris calls me and asks me if I would mind going with her to get her belongings from Peter's apartment. She tells me she texted him to see when would be a good time, and his attitude was hostile and not cooperative. I immediately agree, not wanting to force her into a situation where she feels unsafe.

We meet after work on a week day, Tris assuring me that Peter is just getting home and hopefully hasn't had much time to stew over her presence. "You don't have to, like, do anything. Just hang there."

I nod. I've met Peter, and his displeasure with my friendship with Tris was more than obvious. She had admitted to me on more than on occasion that he was never pleased with us. I'm hoping my presence will make him hold his tongue so Tris doesn't have to endure any more of his asshole tendencies.

She knocks on the door, not wanting to use her key anymore. I don't blame her. We wait for a minute and I can't help but think that he's doing this on purpose to torture or aggravate her. Finally, she reaches for the key in her back pocket – already removed from her key ring – and is about to slip it in the lock when the door opens.

Peter gives Tris a blank stare, but when his eyes travel to me his look appears to be one of displeasure.

"Wow, Tris. A couple months? And you're already screwing Tobias?"

She doesn't acknowledge him, but instead breezes in the apartment, pushing past him.

"This shouldn't take long," she calls back to me from where she's walking down the hall towards what is probably Peter's bedroom.

I stand silently and stiffly, not wanting to engage with Peter. That's probably what he's after – to upset one of us, which he knows would upset the other.

I can hear her rummaging in drawers, pulling several in and out repeatedly, and Peter just rolls his eyes and goes into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of scotch. He holds the bottle up to me. "A drink?" he offers.

With a shake of my head I decline. No way am I going to sit here and drink with Peter.

He laughs and shakes his head. "You know, she does try to keep a short lease on her man."

I don't acknowledge his comment. Tris is probably the least controlling person I know. She's so eager to make others happy, she'd never tell anyone what to do.

Peter takes a swig of his drink and I can feel his eyes studying me. He's about to open his mouth again when Tris appears, handing me one filled duffle bag and then retreating back into Peter's bedroom. From what I hear, I think she's in the bathroom.

"She's a decent fuck, that's the only reason I put up with that shit," Peter says from the counter. He swirls the scotch in his glass waiting patiently for my reaction. Despite the fact that my insides are boiling, I stay calm.

He continues on, apparently not satisfied with my ability to shut him out. "A little prudish, though. That's why I had to find it elsewhere, you know? There were just desires she couldn't fill."

Thankfully, Tris comes out of his room then and the sight of her helps to calm me immediately. She gives me a cautious look, almost as if she can sense something has been going on out here. But she continues on her rounds through the apartment, maneuvering around Peter to grab various things from the kitchen before moving onto the living room. She's almost filled her third bag when Peter comes up next to me, downing his scotch before whispering in my ear.

"She's vulnerable as hell right now. Now's your chance. Fuck her and you'll see what I mean."

His breath is hot on my ear, making me clench my fists in my pants pockets. I'd love to turn around and tell Peter how _he's_ the one lacking sexually. I'd rub it in his face how Tris moans in ways he's never heard when it's my fingers inside of her. How she's no longer shy or nervous with me because I've already explored every part of her body – and I've made sure to tell how incredible, how sexy every inch of her is.

But instead, I wait until Tris is done, which is just another minute longer. I hoist two bags over my shoulder while she comes towards me with the third. She tosses her key to the apartment on a table as she passes, and then confidently breezes out of the apartment, while I follow behind her.

I wait until we're all the way outside of the building to drop the bags and lean my hands on the building, taking a few deep breaths.

"Tobias? What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "What did you ever see in that motherfucker?"

"Yeah, tell me about it," she replies with a roll of her eyes. "What happened?"

I take a few more breaths before I stand up and drop my hands to my sides. "You don't need to hear it."

Her response is a nervous look, like she's debating between agreeing with me and her desire to know.

"What you need to hear," I begin, taking her shoulders with my hands, "is that you're beautiful, and smart, and comical. You're so many things that Peter never bothered to see or appreciate, and so I hope anything he's ever told you that makes you feel bad about yourself leaves your memory immediately."

Tris slowly nods, and once I see the understanding in her eyes I pull her towards me, kissing her on the top of her head.

Below me, I hear her murmur, "Thank you, Tobias."

TOBIAS - PRESENT DAY

Fridays are one of my days off, so Tris leaves me her key so that I can come and go as I please. She's much more accommodating than I deserve, but I appreciate it. Her work days are slightly shorter on Friday as well, but I know she wants to get some work done on her freelance assignment, so I make plans with Zeke for dinner.

Seeing that I haven't spoken to Lauren in five days, I feel the obligation to call her. The break from her has been much more of a relief than I anticipated it being. I thought that getting away for a while would give us time to cool off, make me remember why I felt the need to be with her for the rest of my life. After all, there was obviously a time that I decided I wanted to spend every day with her, starting with moving in together. I can't tell when this downward spiral began, but I realize now that it was probably happening far longer than I even realized.

For the past few days I've woken up in a genuinely good mood, looking forward to each day. It took being in a good mood to realize that for a long time, I've been in a sullen, depressed mood whenever I wake up, wondering what Lauren and I would fight about that day. There were times I specifically laid in bed, hearing her move around the kitchen, waiting for her to bust into the bedroom to bitch at me about something, or ask me a question I'd already given her an answer to.

The thing about Lauren is that she will always be the most important person to herself. There is no putting anyone else first. Maybe for a brief moment, maybe in special circumstances. But on a daily basis, her needs and desires are always number one.

I don't know what she's feeling right now. Hell, she could be just as relieved as I am. But if she isn't, I don't want to leave her in this purgatory state, waiting for me to figure out what to do.

She answers on the third ring, which means she was debating answering my call. Her cell phone is never more than 2 feet away, so she probably was thinking about ignoring me until she listened to a voicemail.

"Hello?" she says, as if she doesn't know that it's me calling.

"Hey, Lauren," I reply, suddenly wishing I would have rehearsed a conversation. "I…uh…just wanted to see how…uh…how you're doing, I guess?"

"Same as always," she says nonchalantly. "Busy at work. You?"

Unsure how to answer, I agree. "Same, I guess." _Now is not the time to tell her how much I've enjoyed this week._

"Are you still staying at Tris's?" she asks, her voice sharper this time. _Shit._

"Yeah, I am. Crashing on the couch," I explain, even though I said it all the first time.

"How much longer?" she demands.

"Lauren…I don't know. What do you think?" I want to know how she feels, if she thinks we need more time or if she's ready for me to come back.

I can almost hear her roll her eyes through the phone. "You know, it's just so strange, Tobias, that you claim we need space and find that 'space' at another woman's house."

"Lauren-" I warn, not wanting to go there.

"And it's a woman that you've had this mysterious, unstable friendship with for ten years!" Her words are vicious, and I can tell she's suddenly enraged with this idea of me staying here, despite her acceptance of it just a few days ago.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "We talked about this the day after I left. I told you, she's the only person I know that lives alone. I don't feel comfortable barging in on Zeke and Shauna."

When she doesn't respond, I continue. "Tris and I have been friends for ten years, and you have known about my friendship with her from the minute we started dating."

"Yeah," she says sarcastically. "I've always known about Tris, you've made sure of it."

"What's that mean?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowed with confusion at where this is going.

"You made sure to tell me about her early on, obviously to let me know what I was working against. "

"What?!"

"I hear all about the good times you guys had together from you, Zeke, Uriah. Fuck, even Shauna and Marlene love to talk about her! And you! And everything you guys did together!"

"They're her _friends_." I'm losing my patience.

"Yeah, and they love rubbing her in my face! 'Remember that time you had to carry Tris out of the bar on her twenty-first birthday?' I'm sure she's happy to see you running to her after you leave me."

"Christ, Lauren, where is this coming from?! My leaving was about us - you and I – and it had nothing to do with anyone else. And right now you're making it pretty damn hard for me to want to come home."

"Well then," she says sharply. "Don't."

And the line goes dead.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

I'd been surprised to see a text from Shauna during my lunch break. She proposed after work drinks and appetizers at a dive bar in the middle of where we both work, and I couldn't say no. Even though I was off an hour earlier than her, she jumped at the chance to take an hour of PTO to meet me.

She looks relieved as she settles in to the seat across from me at the small high top. I'd already ordered a water and dry martini for each us, and she happily takes a sip of each.

We catch up about work, first. Shauna tells me she's been super swamped in her new position at her marketing firm. We haven't seen each other in at least a few weeks, mostly due to said job. She's relieved that things are finally leveling out now that she's getting used to it all. The conversation turns to me, and I talk about my freelance work and what I've been doing at the magazine, which is the same stuff I'm always doing.

"Are you going to tell me about Tobias staying at your place, or do I have to ask?" she says when I'm finished telling her about my latest assignment.

"I think you just did," I reply, hoping to dodge the question.

"Well?"

"Well, what? He showed up in the middle of the night because he needed a break from his fiancé. What was I going to do? Say no?" I'm slightly defensive, wondering if she's asking if we've been hooking up.

"I'm not saying that," she says slowly. "How's it been going?"

She's steering in a different direction, so I let it go. "For us? Good. I mean, fine. It's not like, awkward or anything."

"Has he talked about Lauren?"

"Minimally." She knows that's all I'll tell her, because over the years I've never broken Tobias's confidence.

"He told Zeke he left, but not much about it." She shrugs. Tobias was never a big talker.

"I can't advise him on this," I say. "So there's not much to talk about."

"What? Why not? You're his closest friend. You'd know better than anyone if he's making a mistake!"

I sip my drink while I try to organize the thoughts in my head to make them coherent. "Do you remember when I dated Peter?" She nods, like anyone could forget. "After we broke up, Tobias told me he'd always hated Peter. He always knew that Peter wasn't good for me. He wondered all the time what I could possibly see in him. I was mad, at first. I didn't understand why he didn't tell me that, try to deter me from dating Peter."

"He sure should have," Shauna interjects softly, with a playful look in her eyes.

"He told me that I had to figure that out for myself. Because if he did tell me, what were the chances I would have listened? Probably not very high. He couldn't push me in any direction, because it would have just driven a rift between us." I continue on. "Think about it? Remember when Christina told me how she thought he was a cocky asshole? We didn't speak for three weeks because I was so mad at her."

Shauna nods. "I guess…no one wants to hear negative things about the person they've just fallen for."

"I can't advise him on Lauren because he needs to find out for himself what he wants." I shrug, feeling kind of helpless that I'm not a bigger help to Tobias, but Shauna nods in understanding.

"I get it," she says. "But you can tell me. What do you think?"

I shrug. "I've never been a fan of Lauren." It's the truth. Christina, Shauna, and I would look at her Instagram when Tobias had first started dating her, nitpicking every little thing about her. We'd double over in laughter at her gym selfies, make up still on despite having a 'killer workout' each time.

Even after I'd met Lauren and socialized with her on multiple occasions, there was still something about her. Maybe it was the way she shot cautious glances in my direction when Tobias was around me. Maybe it was how his smile never seemed to be fully genuine when she was with him. Possibly, it was that I knew that they were very different people and I'd been surprised he was attracted to her in the first place.

Well maybe not attracted – Tobias found a lot of women attractive, and that was something I loved about him. He didn't have one set standard of beautiful. But he was picky on personalities, and I didn't know what he could see in Lauren.

"I know that," Shauna replies. "Neither have I."

"I thought you guys got along great?" I say, surprised. Shauna has spent plenty of time with Lauren over the past few years. With Zeke and Tobias being best friends, they've hung out on a consistent basis.

"We get along because we have to. I can't not-get-along with my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend. I do it for Tobias and Zeke." She runs a hand through her hair and releases a deep breath. "Zeke doesn't really like her either."

"Oh," is all I can muster. I feel like all of this is coming back to me, like she's going to start talking about Tobias and me, together.

"Zeke once told me that the first time he saw Tobias with you, he could feel the sexual tension that was brewing." She looks at me intently for my reaction, so I try to play it cool.

"And?"

"And Zeke, more than anyone else, is still confused on why the two of you aren't together."

"We're totally wrong for each other-," I start, but Shauna cuts me off.

"Tris, I get it. I've heard all your reasons. And I even understand some of them – not all, but some. But the thing is, there's no way Tobias should stay with Lauren if she doesn't make him as happy as you do."

I take a long drink to think about what she's said. She's right, at least when I reflect on my own experiences. There's never been a man that's even been on the same playing field as Tobias. No one has made me feel the way he has, in a number of ways. If I'm honest, I've been single for the past few years because I've been waiting for someone to make me feel the way Tobias does, and the search has been hopeless.

"It's not my job to tell him that. None of us can make this decision for him," I finally say.

Shauna nods sympathetically. "I know. But did you ever think about discussing his other options?"

I raise an eyebrow at her, curious if she is leading in the direction I had just steered her away from.

"I'm talking about you, Tris. Have you guys ever talked about that possibility?"

"No." That topic, while it had been on my mind multiple times, was never brought up between Tobias and me. In the beginning, I thought about it often. But the closer I got to Tobias and the more I got to know about him and his relationships, the more I saw how wrong we were for each other. There were a lot of small reasons why this would never work between us.

"I'm not saying now is the right time, but you know that there's a reason you haven't found anyone else. And we all know the chemistry between you two is undeniable – I've even heard it through the walls."

Shauna's bluntness makes me blush, thinking about all of the times we were roommates and she knew exactly what was going on in the room next to hers. "Maybe…that's just where it stops, though."

"Maybe because you've always cut it off there." She eyes me as she sips her drink, and I just chew on my lip in response.

* * *

Heading back to my apartment after having drinks with Shauna, I let myself think about what she had brought to light. Tobias and I have never talked about dating each other, but now is definitely not the time. I don't want to entertain possibilities that could be slashed the minute he goes back home to Lauren. And even if he doesn't, I'm not going to be the rebound.

The hardest thing about attempting more with Tobias is the loss that will come along if we don't work out. There's a difference to our friendship that neither of us can describe, but have discussed. If we didn't work out, the idea of losing that is more than I can handle.

I left Tobias my key this morning so that he could come and go as he pleased during the day. I guess if he's going to stay long term I should probably make him a copy, but it's just not something I feel comfortable asking. The door's unlocked when I arrive since I had told him I was on my way home earlier, and he's lounging on the couch.

"Hey," he greets me.

"Hey," I reply. I kick my shoes off near the door and drop my things on the bar before collapsing next to him, tired from the work week and the drinks I'd shared with Shauna.

"How was work?"

"Same as usual," I shrug. "Edited. Wrote. Researched." I turn my head to him to face him, noticing his somber face for the first time. "How was your day off?"

Tobias lets out a long sigh before answering me. "I called Lauren."

"Oh."

He leans forward, putting his head in his hands and resting his elbows on his knees. "She's pissed that I'm here."

"I'm…sorry?" I say, not even sure why I'm apologizing.

"I told her where I was staying when I first left. She just flipped a switch, decided she's pissed now."

I stay silent, letting him continue. "I just can't remember how she used to make me happy." He leans back, turning his head towards me. "That has to mean something, right? That I can't remember what my fiancé did to make me want to marry her?"

My heart is strained at his words and revelation. "Yeah, I think it probably does," I say softly.

Tobias lets out a long, painful sigh. I will listen to him as long as he needs me to, but hearing him sound so defeated is difficult for me. I hate seeing him hurt and torn like he is now, knowing that he's the only one who can fix the situation. I glance around the room briefly, suddenly noticing the vacuum lines on the carpet and the shine of the mirror on the wall. I sit up and see the kitchen towels replaced with fresh ones and the counter tops cleared.

"Did you clean my apartment?" I question.

Tobias gives a slight chuckle. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"You deserved some help. I've been here almost a week and you haven't asked anything of me. You've been more than accommodating." He shrugs his shoulders as he glances down at his lap. "I appreciate it. I guess I just wanted to show you that."

I smile in appreciation of his thoughtfulness. It's not unlike Tobias to think of me this way, but it still is just as touching as the first time he did something nice for me.

"You're a great guy, Tobias. You deserve someone who sees that and appreciates it." I speak as sincerely as I can, wanting him to know that it's the truth.

Tobias smiles and sighs in response, giving me a genuine look of appreciation before standing up. "I made plans with Zeke for dinner tonight. I figured I'd get out of your hair and give you some space."

I start to object and remind him his presence is not a problem, but he holds his hands up. "I know, I know. But I thought it would give you some time to work or relax or whatever you do when I'm not bothering you."

I chuckle and thank him before heading to my room to strip out of my work attire and into something more comfortable.


	5. Chapter 5

TRIS – 3 YEARS AGO

Three weeks ago, Tobias told me he'd met someone he was really into. I was surprised to hear this from him, and despite him telling me it was different with her, I'd spent the last three weeks reminding myself that girls always faded out of Tobias's life.

Even if she is sticking around, he'd only met her three weeks ago. So as I look at the tickets to the beer tasting event that I've gotten from work, he's still the only person I want to take with me. Christina and Shauna wouldn't appreciate the opportunity but Tobias would, and he'd be enjoyable company.

I pick up the phone and tap on the screen so it dials his number. Being just mid-morning on a Sunday, I expect him to be off work and free to talk. He answers on the second ring, and I greet him excitedly.

"Hey! What are you up to?" I ask, happy to share the news with him.

"Uh…I'm…just leaving Lauren's," he says tentatively.

"You're what?" I ask, unsure I heard him correctly.

"Yeah, I'm about to leave Lauren's."

"Oh," I say, speechless that he was actually still seeing her. Also slightly speechless that he'd stayed at her place this late into the morning.

"I'll call you back," he promises me.

I nod, even though he can't see me. "Yeah, sure. I'll…talk to you later."

It's hours later when he calls me back. By then my plans of taking him to the event are long gone. It's always been difficult to draw that line with Tobias. If we were truly just friends I wouldn't have thought twice about continuing to spend time with him and reach out to him for things. But when another woman is involved I feel like I have to step back and let him set those guidelines, even if she doesn't know about our extra-curricular activities.

"So, Lauren's, huh?"

I hear a cocky chuckle out of him. "Yeah. It was a good night."

"That's good," I say, trying to sound neutral.

"It's just different with her. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about her."

"Is she hotter than everyone else you've boned?" I ask, trying to make light of the situation.

He grunts. "She's in the top 5 for sure."

My stomach sinks. This is not the direction I wanted this conversation to go. "I guess we'll have to see how long she makes it."

"Tris…I think she is going to be one that stays. For a while."

"Well…" I say, trying to think positive. "Good for you. Really."

"Yeah, so what's up?" he asks in an attempt to change the topic.

I bite my lip, knowing I can't ask him to go with me anymore. "Oh, I just wanted to catch up."

"Are you sure? That was it?"

I look at the tickets on my counter and shake my head. "Yeah Tobias, that was it. Just wanted to see how you're doing."

Something inside of me is telling me that this is the beginning of the end of not just our relationship, but our friendship as well.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

I hop off the blue line and head towards the bar Zeke had suggested for dinner. It's a hole-in-the-wall type of place, which exactly what Zeke and I prefer. Crowds and long waits aren't really our thing, and I'm sure he's expecting some sort of conversation since we haven't talked much about Lauren.

I arrive first, sliding into a high top table in the bar and ordering a water for now. Zeke's always late because he's never been an organized person, so I'm not surprised when it takes him another five minutes to take a seat across from me. He doesn't even bother apologizing because he knows that I already expected his tardiness.

We each order a beer and our dinner when the waitress returns, and then Zeke cuts right to the chase.

"What's going on, man?" He looks me straight in the eye.

I've been dancing around talking about this all week. It's hard to talk to Tris because I know she feels the same way I did when she was dating Peter. I couldn't tell her that he was a total jack ass because it would have only damaged our friendship. I had let her know that I wasn't a fan of Peter, but I never encouraged her not to date him because it wasn't my place. She'll listen to me whenever I need her, but that's all I can expect – and ask – of her right now.

I take a deep breath before I begin, knowing I need to verbalize things. "There's a lot of things about Lauren that have been eating at me. It started small, and they have just compiled. Like, I can handle her little flaws…but I can't handle all of these new parts of her that are being thrown at me every day."

"Like…?" Zeke raises his eyebrows as he waits for me to continue.

"She doesn't want me to open my own barber shop. She thinks it's a terrible investment. That's something I've wanted to do since before we got together, and she seemed alright with it then! Which is different all together, because she used to tell me she loved that I was cutting hair if it was what made me happy, and now she bitches about how much she works, how hard she works, how long her hours are, as if she can't cut back because of me. But she wants to have kids soon, right after we get married. I try to reason with her-that it's not a good time because of how much she works right now, how much she travels…and she doesn't even listen to me. It's like my argument is invalid for no reason other than that it's my argument." I take a deep breath before I keep going. "She never listens, because she's always focused on herself. Sometimes I wonder how much she knows about me because I don't think she hears a word I say. And you know I called her today, and she couldn't even say something nice. She didn't even ask if we could talk about this or try to work it out, she just bitched at me for being at Tris's."

I realize how long I've rambled and stop, even though there's a long list in my head of other things about Lauren that have been driving me nuts lately. Zeke is wearing a more serious expression, causing me to pause my thoughts and look at him.

"Dude, you just named off a whole lot of things about your fiancé that make you unhappy. Can you tell me anything about her that makes you happy?"

I bring my beer to my mouth as the waitress arrives with our food, giving me time to think. Once she leaves, I open my lips and nothing comes out. I can't think of a single thing about Lauren that makes me happy.

"When I think about being happy with Lauren, it's just memories. One time we were supposed to go to a restaurant that was really nice and our reservations were for 6, but I thought they were 6:30. We got there late and we were out of luck, so we ate at a hot dog stand on the street. I had on a suit, she had on a dress. It was a good night; we had a lot of fun that night. But now…if that happened now…Lauren would flip. She'd be so mad at me. I used to love the way we just always managed to have a good time no matter what we were doing….but I can't remember the last time we had a good time together."

Zeke has been paying rapt attention, not even having touched his food. It's me that digs in first, feeling exposed with now much I've just revealed to him. I've never been a big talker, and if I've shared intimate details with anyone, it was usually Tris.

"Man, I don't know if you're hearing yourself, but I think you already have the answers to your own questions up there." His face is sad, like he knows how hard this has to be for me.

"I know," I say with a shake of my head. "I can't marry her."

He nods in silent agreement, and I change the topic to him and Shauna. I'm trying to deflect the thoughts in my head to concentrate on what he's sharing with me, but after he finishes telling me about their upcoming vacation plans, I find myself scratching the back of my head.

"I've got another problem," I say hesitantly.

"What else could be wrong with you?!" Zeke asks jokingly. He's always good at keeping the mood light.

"I…I uh….I think…" I shake my head and take a breath. "I think I'm in love with Tris."

Zeke stares at me, his face void of emotion. I can tell he's fighting an internal battle on how to react to this.

"Why do you think that?" he finally says with a voice that's calm and even.

Briefly, I think back to the past week I've spent at Tris's. It's the most time we've spent together in months, and probably the most time we've spent alone in at least a year, possibly longer. Every day that I've been able to see her has been a breath of fresh air. Her happy, laid back personality makes me feel at ease from the moment we greet each other to the minute she says goodnight. I've thought about our past more times than I've thought about my relationship with Lauren, evaluating why I was never smart enough to pursue anything further with her.

"There's so many things about Tris that I could give as reasons for being crazy about her."

"Dude…" Zeke starts slowly. "You need to make a decision about one woman before you can think about another."

I throw my hands up a little. "I know, I know. I didn't start thinking about her consciously. It just…happened. When I was trying to think of good memories with Lauren my mind started to drift to memories with Tris. Being around her every day…I realize my feelings for her never went away."

Zeke's face is strained and I can tell that he's worried about where I'm going with this.

"I just…look, if I really loved Lauren…if we were really…meant to be together…don't you think I wouldn't be thinking about another woman? I mean, isn't that how it works?" I shake my head, slightly shocked at the fact that I'm asking Zeke for advice about this.

He shrugs. "I think so. I love Shauna, and I haven't thought about another woman since we got together. That's seven years of her being the only woman on my mind and it's working out pretty good. So yeah, I think that's how it works."

"It's just another sign, another reason." My voice is quieter and I realize that I don't hate that I'm about to break up with Lauren, but instead I hate that I'm going to hurt her.

"What are you going to do?" he finally asks after a couple of bites and a drink.

I shrug. "I guess I'll go over there tomorrow. No point in delaying the obvious."

"Hey, if you need a place to crash…" he begins, and I nod.

"I'll get a place soon," I promise him.

He offers a goofy grin. "I just thought Tris might want her couch back soon."

I laugh at him and shake my head. "I did clean her apartment today while she was at work, so she might let me stay for a while."

Zeke offers a low chuckle, and we continue to eat in a comfortable silence for a few more minutes until Zeke nervously beings to speak.

"Do you think you're in love with her, for real? Or do you think you're just…infatuated? Or rebounding?"

"Are you saying you think that's what it's always been for us? A rebound?" I'm shocked that Zeke hasn't been able to tell my true feelings and affection for Tris. Despite what we were doing, or dodging, she has always been one of the most important people in my life.

He puts his hands up defensively. "No, no! I'm just saying that if this is going to be another one of those times were you guys fuck around until one of you finds someone else…I don't think it's a good idea."

"That's not what I'm thinking," I respond, slightly defensive. "I just said that I'm in love with her."

"You've been in love with her for ten fucking years, man! You may have been too stupid to admit it, but you know you have. And it hasn't stopped you – both of you – from being childish about this. Maybe it was fun when we were in college and you were both wild, but it's not like that anymore." He seems to realize how worked up he is and takes a deep breath. "I'm just worried. You're both my friends. I care about both of you. And you're going through this shit with Lauren…and Tris…she's just been alone for a long time."

"Alone? She's dated, right?"

Zeke rolls his eyes. "Yeah, dated," he says sarcastically. "If you can call a long string of bad dates that. I think it wears down on her seeing her two best friends, Shauna and Christina, happy and committed. And it doesn't help that Peter was the last guy she was serious with."

I shake my head and start to defend myself, but he cuts me off.

"Look. Just don't do anything with her unless it's finally going to be more than friends with benefits. Because I'm not sure I can handle seeing the way both of you get hurt from that arrangement."

In my head, I mull over Zeke's comment. 'The way both of you get hurt.' Is that what I've been doing to Tris? Have I hurt her every time I've dated someone else, or maybe every time we didn't date? I remember the way I felt when Tris and Peter's relationship had gotten serious. I know I was jealous and longed for her to spend more time with me, but I had chalked that up to the fact that I didn't think Peter was right for her. Every other man she'd dated over the years has had the same effect on me. In hindsight, I'm not sure they were all as bad as I thought. It may be that she was dating them, and not me.

But whose fault is it that nothing has grown past a physical relationship and close friendship? It's not like she has pursued anything further with me, so it could fall on both of us.

"I don't even know if she reciprocates these feelings," I say suddenly, the thought just dawning on me. It's been years since we've hooked up and she may not want anything to do with me the way she used to.

Zeke rolls his eyes. "Feelings like the two of you had…they just don't go away."

It's pretty late when I return to Tris's apartment that night. The lights are off and the apartment is quiet. Her bedroom door is cracked open, so I peak inside to see if she's awake or asleep. I know that staying up late and reading is one of her guilty pleasures, so it's possible she's partaking in that now.

I push the door open a little more and peak my head in. I don't want to intrude, so when I see that she's turned on her side and her eyes are closed, her breathing deep and slow, I begin to pull my head away - until I notice something.

Tris has slept in t-shirts and underwear for as long as I've known her, no matter what the temperature is. It's been one of my favorite things about her for years. While other girls buy cute nightgowns or sexy lingerie, Tris is comfortable in pulling on a t-shirt and kicking off her pants and climbing into bed. And in my opinion, it's one of her sexiest looks.

Tonight Tris is wearing a yellow t-shirt, and on the back of it I can see the football player graphic and the letters of my fraternity slightly above it. I know exactly what t-shirt she's wearing…and exactly where she got it.

TOBIAS—7 YEARS AGO

When I pull up to Tris's apartment she's already outside waiting for me. Her blonde hair flows behind her in the wind as she walks to the car. Even though her aviator sunglasses are covering her eyes I can tell they are filled with excitement from the smile resting on her face.

It's an exciting day, and I'm genuinely glad Tris is going to be a part of it. Our big, yearly charity project is today. Every year we team up with our fraternity brothers from another chapter, Eastern Illinois University. We start at the visiting team's fraternity house and run the 70 mile journey in different groups, giving everyone breaks as needed. We finish at the football field of the home team, raising money for St. Jude through our sponsors and donors. When we arrive at the field there's a tailgate set up ready for us and we always have a great time.

Tris came to the event last year because we were at our home field. But this year I asked her to drive my car in the caravan. As one of the older guys, it's part of my job to make sure the event goes smoothly and there's no one else I trust to safely and responsibly handle my vehicle. Plus, Zeke had asked Shauna and Will had asked Christina to do the same, so it only made sense from Tris to come too.

The six of us had also booked a hotel suite so that we'd have a decent place to crash. Zeke, Will and I didn't feel comfortable asking the girls to come without making arrangements, and neither of them had bothered to ask if Tris and I would be comfortable staying with two other couples. As she throws her overnight duffle in the trunk I pull the yellow t-shirt I'd gotten her from the backseat – the one we're all wearing today – and wait for her to get in. Once she does I toss it over to her with a smile.

"Thanks," she says and she holds it up in front of her, checking out the design. She slides it on over her black tank top as I pull out onto the street and head back to the fraternity house. I'd been over there all morning organizing supplies and copying directions for the drivers before picking up Tris.

I toss her the keys when we get out, giving her a mischievous smile. "Take care of my baby," I say as I nod to my Jeep.

Tris chuckles and puts a hand on her hip. "I bet she'll be good to me," she says as she pats the hood with her hand softly and I can't help but laugh.

Times like this are when I wonder why I'm not dating Tris, as she cutely leans her hand on my car with her hip jutted out. A fucking adorable smirk is on her face as her gray eyes twinkle and I fight off the urge to kiss her - something I've been getting more often lately, in many different settings.

When we set off, Tris is driving with a group of younger, newer fraternity guys that she doesn't know any more than formalities, and I'm running. We're aiming to do five miles at a time, alternating groups of six guys every five miles. Each group is expected to run twice as long as everyone is healthy. I know that our chapter trained well, and I trust that the other guys trained just as hard.

When I get into the car after my first leg of the run I don't immediately notice the change in Tris's demeanor. I'm too focused on getting some water and wiping my face with a towel, talking to some of the guys behind me about the pace and how hot it is. I turn forward again, resting my forearm on the side of Tris's seat, my hand reaching to squeeze her shoulder. Instead of melting into my touch like she normally does, her body is rigid and she slightly shrugs me off.

"Is the drive ok?" I ask her, not wanting to confront her attitude outright in front of the guys in the backseat.

"Yeah, it's good," she says flatly.

"Need anything?" I try again.

Tris silently shakes her head and when I try to touch her again she shoots me daggers. They're very intentional, so I slowly pull my arm away.

"I'm just tired," she says. "You know, driving so slow is boring." I can sense how fake the chuckle is that she gives me next.

I know she's lying, and as much as I want to reach over and rest my hand on her leg in comfort I know that's not what she wants right now. I hold back, the rest of the ride uncomfortable for the two of us while the clowns in the back are oblivious.

When I head out for my second leg, I catch Tris giving me a sad glance. In the middle of the switch I tug on Chris's arm, pulling him back into the running group. He'd already ran his first leg but I don't care because he'd been in my car earlier during my first leg, and I want to know what the hell happened.

He's out of breath as we run, winded from his first five miles. I don't start questioning him until we've jogged a bit, hoping it won't look obvious that I'm grilling him.

"What the fuck happened in my car earlier?"

"Huh?" he says, looking at me with surprise. "Nothing."

"What were you morons talking about while I was running?" I grit my teeth. It's hard to stay focused on running when I want to get to the bottom of this.

"We…we were just…bullshittin', man." Chris gets his words out between breaths.

"Bullshittin' about what?" I ask, noticing that Zeke has taken a spot on the other side of Chris. He's probably realized that something is going on between the two of us right now and I'm grateful. I might lose patience with how clueless Chris is before this conversation gets anywhere.

"Girls."

"Who was in the car?" Zeke asks suddenly. "Who was with you?"

"Uh…" Chris swallows. "Me, Justin, and Tom."

I don't know what Zeke has figured out, but he shakes his head. "Tell Four again what they were talking about."

"Well, girls…but Tom was…bringing up…some chick that you…hooked up with…"

"Who?!" I half-yell, still trying to stay calm.

"I don't know…some…girl from…last weekend?"

"Did he say you guys should bet again?" Zeke asks, and this time he's the one with the clenched jaw.

Chris shrugs. "Uh…I…I think so."

"Fuck!" I yell, not caring anymore. Tom, a sophomore who pledged our fraternity in the spring of last school year, can't keep his mouth shut about my relationships with women. It started with him talking me up after every party, going on and on about who I hooked up with or who was hitting on me. Zeke said it was because he was idolizing me, but in reality he didn't know I wasn't hooking up with as many girls as he thought.

"Chris, get back in the car," Zeke orders him, and I watch him fall back and wave down Tris to stop so he can climb in.

"Bet?" I ask Zeke, having no idea there was any bet going on.

He grunts. "Past couple times we've had parties, Tom's been wanting to place bets on you. 'How long will take Four to get a girl upstairs?' or 'Place your bet on which girl will try to get with him first.' I told him to stop. Last weekend, he indirectly mentioned Tris…and I told him he was crossing the line."

"What'd he say about Tris?" I say, instantly turning defensive. Tris and I prefer that our arrangement stay secret for a variety of reasons, so I hope Tom hasn't figured out what's been going on.

Zeke waits a moment to catch his breath, the pounding of our feet on the pavement making the short moment seem extra-long. "He said that you're always texting some girl, and she was probably sending you nude pics by the way you would glance at your phone. He…uh…said he was going to figure out who it was…and what she was sending."

Part of this is true. I am usually texting Tris, and I am usually smiling. IT's hard not to, even on a friendship level. I won't lie and say that we haven't sent each other some inappropriate, teasing pictures to each other. But Tris is so modest, so private, that her pictures provide just enough to leave me wanting more, curious about the other parts of her. There's no way in hell I'd ever tell anyone, and certainly not show anyone, the things that she sends me. If Tom tried to invade my privacy that way – and Tris's - it would be the end of him.

But I'm still fuming, anger bubbling up at the way that he tossed words around about me in front of Tris that are far from true. And hearing false stories about my number of hook ups has probably made her feel like another notch on my bedpost, or worse – she'll think I lie to her.

For the next five miles my mind agonizes over what Tom said in the car, and I don't even know all of the details. I'm angry, but when I think about Tris, stuck in the car, listening to the vulgar way Tom talks about my sex life, I can't imagine how uncomfortable and out of place she must have felt with no escape available. When my five miles are up I return back to my Jeep, pulling Tom, Chris, and Justin out of the backseat.

"Find another car," I growl.

Tom bitches in response. "Four, man, there's not enough room."

"Find another car," I say again, getting into the passenger seat and closing the door, not open for argument.

Tris doesn't look at me, instead keeping her hand on the steering wheel and her eyes focused ahead. When the caravan starts moving again, she eases off the brake without even acknowledging me.

"Whatever he said, Tris, that's not me. That wasn't me talking; that was him running his mouth."

She doesn't respond, so I keep going. "He thinks I'm hooking up with every girl that comes my way, but I'm not! He has no idea what I do." I run a hand down my face, angry that he's upset her so bad. "I didn't know he was fucking betting on me. Zeke just told me that."

Tris finally opens her mouth. "He's betting he can find the 'hoe that's sending you nudes'," she says, raising one hand to show she's quoting him. "And I was like fuck, is he going to go through Tobias's phone and see what I've sent him? But then I was like, well who cares, cause apparently he's getting pictures from a whole Tobias-loving posse of women!"

The pain and slight embarrassment that comes through in her voice is maddening. I could kill Tom for making her feel this way. Before I can say anything, she continues.

"And when that girl walked in your fraternity house last weekend, he knew right away she'd 'be the one you'd fuck,' did you know that?!" She glances at me disdainfully. "Would have been nice to know you fucked someone last weekend, Tobias, considering you were in my bed Sunday night!"

Long ago, Tris and I had agreed that if we became sexually active with someone other than each other, we'd either cut it off between us or tell each other. We hadn't reached the point where that was necessary yet, but we both wanted to be safe and responsible. I had every intention of keeping that deal with Tris; I still do.

"I didn't hook up with anyone last weekend!" I exclaim. "She flirted, we talked, she left alone and I went to bed alone. Actually, I went to bed _texting you."_ During that conversation was when we'd made plans for Sunday night because I'd missed her so damn much. "And if you recall, I was texting you about what I wanted to do to you the next day."

Tris lets out a frustrated sigh because she knows that part is true. But I can tell that the rest of it still infuriated – and embarrassed – her enough for her to not think logically yet.

"I'm going to deal with him, Tris," I say calmly.

"How? Tell him what? We're not together, Tobias," she reminds me coldly. "Tell him he hurt my feelings because I am one of the chicks sending you nudes?"

"You're the only one sending me anything," I interject, but she brushes it off and doesn't reply.

"I don't want everyone to label me as some easy side chick, the girl you fuck around with when you aren't fucking anyone else." She's quieter and calmer now, and I understand her rationale for being upset. We've always agreed to keep our relationship a secret. A big part of me knows that if we did come out with it, things would change. Another part of me isn't ready to have to let go of Tris if she starts dating someone else again. I can still be close to her as a friend, even if that's all it is. But if people find out what we're doing…I'd lose her if she had another man in her life.

"I know." I reach over and rest a hand on her leg, affectionately rubbing it. "I'll fix it," I promise. "I'm pissed off enough that he's still talking about me, but after doing this to you…I can't even explain how pissed I am."

Tris shrugs, hesitation all over her face. "I guess this is what I get…for being the side chick."

"Stop," I say immediately. "You're not my 'side chick' in any way. You're the only person that has my best interests at heart, you know that? That's something you give me that no one else ever has, and it's not even sexual. And if you think for a second that that will ever change, you are dead fucking wrong. You are always going to be that person to me, looking out for me, caring about me, because I'm always going to be the person you need me to be."

I see her knuckles grip the steering wheel a bit harder as she runs her other hand through her hair. "I'm not…mad at you," she finally admits. "I'm just…he said a lot of shit – shit that I didn't need to hear."

"Just because you heard it, doesn't mean it's true. He has a very misconceived impression of me."

"I…I think I get that…now."

I chuckle as she gives me a sly smile, her eyes darting over to me. "Better late than never."

* * *

We're exhausted when we reach the field, but we have a celebratory beer with all of the brothers. Some had stayed at the field to prepare the tailgate party, so they're excited to see us as we return.

Before we start partying, we want to check into our hotel room and drop off our belongings. Will mumbles that he could use a shower and Zeke and I agree with him. So, we decide to let the girls stay at the field and relax while we check in, drop off our bags, and each take a quick shower before returning.

Luckily the hotel is close, just a couple blocks from the field. If we decide to head to a bar or the fraternity house we can always grab a cab, but right now we're happy to be within walking distance. After the three of us park our cars at the hotel, I grab Tris's duffle along with mine and quickly get the check in process done so we can shower. I was a little anxious about leaving Tris there in the first place, so I'd like to get back as soon as I can.

"Why are you so rushed, man?" Will asks me as we head to the elevator.

I shake my head. "Just want to get back to the field."

"You worried about Tris?" Zeke asks cautiously.

"Tris?" Will asks.

"A little," I confess. Even though she knows most of the guys from our chapter, I don't want her to be stuck with Tom again.

Will stands between us, looking confused, his head turning back and forth between us.

"She was in the car with Tom while Tobias was running-" Zeke starts to explain.

"Oh, fuck," Will mumbles.

I grit my teeth while we walk into the elevator, Will punching the buttons as he bitches about Tom's ever running mouth. "That kid is a genuine prick. I can't stand him."

"Did you find out what else he said?" Zeke asks.

I just shrug my shoulder - the one that's not carrying our duffels – and shake my head. "Not everything…but enough."

"Enough what?"

"Enough to make Tris feel like a piece of meat. Enough to make her feel like she's not important…or that we aren't private." I run a hand down my face. I don't like talking to anyone about my sex life, but I especially don't like talking about Tris like this. I know that Will has known about us for a while, but it's still hard to share this part of us with anyone.

"Have you ever thought about making it…not a secret anymore?" Will asks hesitantly. "I mean…I'm here with Christina, and Zeke's here with Shauna…and you're technically here with Tris…so maybe…"

"It's complicated," I spit out at him, having no idea what is actually complicated about it. It's a question I ask myself all the time, unable to actually determine the answer.

"Alright," he says with his hands up in surrender. "I didn't mean to upset you."

I shake my head. "No…it's not that. I didn't mean to snap," I apologize.

"Let's just get finished here, and get back there as soon as we can," Zeke says as he leads us out of the elevator, finding our room and slipping in the key. "There's two showers, so I'll go first, and you two can fight over the other one."

* * *

We're gone less than forty-five minutes, which I find to be pretty good time. We speed walk back to the field but it still feels like it takes forever, and when I see Tris standing next to Tom and Chris, her arms crossed and her eyes shooting dirty looks directly at Tom I have to hold myself back from sprinting over to them.

Zeke and Will don't leave my sides, following me directly to Tom, ready for confrontation. Tris, unaware that we were nearing her, jumps slightly when I put a hand on her lower back.

"Hey," I whisper.

I can sense her discomfort from a mile away, but now that I'm next to her, I can feel it radiating off of her. How Tom can't read that she's clearly not into this conversation is beyond me.

"Hey," she says as she looks up at me, relief in her voice at my arrival.

"What's going on here?" I ask as I nod at Tom and Chris, the latter wearing a nervous and uneasy look at his face.

Tris nods her head at Tom. "Tom's just asking me all sorts of stuff about you since, ya know, we're good friends and all." Her voice is thick with sarcasm.

"Hey, I heard her say that she's known you for a long time. Like what, four years or something? And so – "

"Seven," I say between gritted teeth.

"What?" he asks, oblivious.

"Seven years. I've known Tris for seven years."

"Yeah, right. So I was just asking her if she knows who it is you're always texting. That chick that's gotta be sending you pussy-shots. I mean, come on. And you don't stay at the house every night, but you don't tell us where you've been. I just wanna see who you're hittin'!"

I don't know how I listened to him rant for as long as I did. The anger building up inside of me cannot be contained anymore as I raise my hands and shove Tom backwards. He stumbles for a few steps, eventually backing up into a truck and using it to brace himself and stand. I don't stop, instead taking a few steps toward him, closing the gap between us. I grab his shirt collar and pick him up, pushing him into the side of the truck and moving my face to be just inches away from his.

"If you ever talk about me…about my life…ever again…you will be done with this fraternity. Do you understand? And I swear to God, if you ever come near Tris…if you ever talk to her…if I even see you look at her..." I take a breath and lean a bit closer. "I…will… _end…_ you."

Tom nods again, but I see a flash of something in his eyes and I know he's figured it out. He knows that I'm protective of Tris not just because she's my friend, but because she is the person he's constantly talking about. She's the one I'm texting; her house is where I spend the nights away from my own.

I drop him against the car and turn, surprised to see Tris, Zeke, and Will all right behind me. I should have figured they'd stay near me so I wouldn't do anything stupid. My eyes are almost to Tris's when I hear Tom from behind me.

"Shit, man. I can't believe I didn't figure it out. No wonder you don't want me talking about it. You're fucking her _and_ all those other chicks."

I start to turn around, my arm already pulled back. But before I can get near Tom to deliver a blow to his face, Tris is in front of me. And her fist gets him first.


	6. Chapter 6

So, before you begin reading, I just want to share that I loved writing this chapter because I LOVE the Cubs and I couldn't help but give Tris a little piece of myself by making her a Zobrist/Arrieta fan (We miss you, Jake!). And, if you aren't familiar with Chicago's public transportation, the Red Line & the Blue Line are different parts of the El. Let me know if those references are too confusing. Happy reading!

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

The quiet of my apartment is shocking as I wake up. Over the past week I've gotten used to hearing Tobias's movements through the kitchen or his sly attempt to use the bathroom shower before me to allow me to sleep longer. I wonder if he even came back after his dinner with Zeke. Maybe he went to crash on Zeke's couch instead of returning.

I finished my freelance piece while he was out, so I guess it was a good idea for me to have some alone time. I can imagine it was also probably productive for him to hash things out with his best friend and straighten out his feelings.

When I'd pulled on the yellow t-shirt after my shower last night, it wasn't intentional. It just randomly happened to be on the top of the pile. But when I noticed it as I brushed my teeth, I couldn't help but slip back into memories of that night. After the drama early in the day I'd been able to relax enough to drink and enjoy myself, even if we never made it into the football game. We'd even ventured out to a couple bars with Tobias's fraternity brothers after the tailgate was over.

Once we were in the hotel we'd been shunned from the bedrooms to the pull out couch because we 'aren't together' like the couples sharing the room with us. It hadn't stopped Tobias from touching me, kissing me, in ways he never had before. It was sensual and erotic and almost…loving. And I remember kissing him…just kissing him, for a long time. His hands tangling in my hair with my body pressed against his. And for a brief moment I'd let myself think that maybe this was the beginning of a new chapter for us. Would things ever change?

The next morning he'd been the same, pulling me to him and kissing along the back of my neck, his hand slipping into my underwear once more before everyone else woke up. He expected nothing in return and whispered to me that he loved the way I felt on his hand, he loved getting me off.

But that had been that.

It's hard to not think about everything that happened between us. We have a lot of great memories, sexual and not. And after nothing changed following that event, I pushed that idea far from my mind, knowing that we just weren't right for each other. I thought about everything that was wrong with him, everything that made him wrong for me. All of his flaws that made us not fit together and I clung to them so hard that the idea of us, together, never entered my head again.

I tiptoe out of my room and Tobias is, in fact, asleep on the couch. Quietly, I start a pot of coffee, doing my best not to disturb him. He's probably hung over or at least tired, so I prefer to let him sleep it off. I pull out two coffee mugs and almost drop them when I hear his voice behind me.

"Hey."

I turn around to face him. "Sorry," I mumble. "I was trying not to wake you."

Tobias rubs his eyes and shakes his head. "I was already waking up. Don't sweat it."

"Did you have a good night out? I'm sure Zeke's been dying to have a guy's night."

He nods. "Yeah, he was. It was good…and helpful."

I watch the remaining brown liquid drip into the pot, not sure how to answer him. I pour us each a cup – we both drink it black – and walk over to the couch, placing them gently on the coffee table before sitting down. I cover my legs with one of the blankets as he takes a sip of the hot liquid and then leans back, turning slightly to face me.

"I'm breaking up with Lauren."

"What?!" I don't mean for my words to come out so forcefully, but I'm surprised to hear this. I had anticipated Tobias would at least try to go back and work it out because he would feel guilty if he didn't. The last thing I expected to hear from him was this.

"I can't do it anymore. Being here…being away from her, has made me realize how damn miserable I was with her. And talking to Zeke about it, putting it all out there, just confirmed it." He runs a hand through his hair, scratching at the back of his head. "I've done a lot of thinking over the past week."

"I'm really proud of you, Tobias," I say honestly.

He looks over at me with a sarcastic laugh. "I'm about to break her heart. Or at least call off an engagement, which she'll be embarrassed about."

"What's your alternative? Marry her and break her heart down the road? Marry her and be a miserable husband? She'll survive."

"I'm going to look for my own place," he says as he reaches for his coffee again. "I'll start today."

I reach over, placing a hand on his shoulder. "That's not important right now, ok? I'm serious."

He takes a drink of his coffee. "I can't stay here forever," he says with a smile. "Unless you want to get a two bedroom?"

Moving towards him, I slink my arms around his waist. "I don't know about that, Eaton." He leaves his cup on the table to circle his arms around me in return. "I think you're doing the right thing, Tobias. I know it's hard but you, out of every man I know, deserve to be happy. Truly happy."

"Thanks for being my person, Tris," he whispers softly.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

Walking into the apartment I shared with Lauren, the first thing I notice is the difference between it and where I've been for the last week – Tris's. Lauren's décor style is modern, sharp. White and various shades of grey fill the apartment; it's much different than the warm, welcoming tones that fill Tris's home.

I'd called her to let her know I was coming so I'm not surprised that she's busying herself in the kitchen when I walk in. Tidying up messes that aren't even there, she turns to me sharply when she hears me greet her.

"Hello," she returns.

"How've you been?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Fine." She's already displaying a cold demeanor and I wonder if she's anticipating what's coming.

I nod, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I've…uh…done a lot of thinking. I'm sure you've done the same."

She puts her hands on the counter and leans forward a bit. "I didn't really have another choice, did I, Tobias? Not much to do other than think when your fiancé walks out on you."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "I didn't walk out on you, Lauren. That wasn't my intention. I wanted to give us some space, some room to breathe."

Instead of an agreeable response, she just shrugs, her eyes trained on me accusingly.

"I thought if we could both take a break, then we could come back together and sit down, work this out. I wanted to figure out where we were going wrong and make it right."

"Oh, _you_ wanted that, right?" Her words are layered with sarcasm and anger. "So you get what you wanted…as usual." She rolls her eyes, and I can feel the anger bubble up in my chest.

"Lauren, look around. You have _always_ gotten what you wanted. This apartment? It was _your_ pick. Everything in our lives has been decided by you."

"What could you possibly want that you don't have, Tobias?!" Lauren puts her hands on her hips assertively, as if she's daring me to say I want something more than her, more than what we've already acquired together.

"My own shop," I say simply. "You used to support that. Now you don't. I don't know when that changed, Lauren."

She laughs. "Tobias, your job is a hobby that we are not throwing large amounts of money into. That's nonsense."

Her laughter hits me like bricks, and I know that this conversation is going nowhere. Lauren's inability to think of others combined with her selfish attitude isn't going to allow for a mature conversation. I shake my head and my shoulders sink.

"I'm done, Lauren," I say quietly. "This is done."

She's silent, unresponsive because of the shock that spreads across her face. Defeated, I hang my head and walk towards the bedroom, pulling a couple suitcases out from the top closet shelf. Hastily, I open the drawers and begin tossing clothes inside, the energy drained from that short, pointless conversation.

It's a couple of minutes before Lauren comes storming in, pushing the door open so hard it bounces back towards her.

"What about our wedding, Tobias?!"

"It's off," I say softly. "I can't marry you."

Her fists are balled at her sides as she yells out, "What are we going to tell everyone?!"

I shake my head and hold back a sad chuckle as I think about how pathetic it is that this is Lauren's main concern. She's more worried about what to tell people than she is about us.

"We'll tell them we broke up." In reality, my guest list is much, much shorter than Lauren's half. My mom, step dad, and friends will be supportive and probably somewhat relieved. But Lauren's large amount of friends, co-workers, family, and acquaintances might not take it so well.

"This is humiliating," she spits out at me.

I toss some more things in the suitcase and stop to look at her. "It's also humiliating to be engaged to someone who makes fun of you for your job, and won't listen to you talk about what you want. It's not what I want."

Walking to the bathroom, I scoop up some toiletries and toss them into a duffle bag from the linen closet. I hear Lauren continue to mumble and try to block it out, until I hear words escape her mouth that rattle me.

"This is about Tris fucking Prior, isn't it?" she says sharply. "I can't fucking believe – "

"Stop right there," I say coldly as I drop the duffle and point a finger at her. "Don't bring her into this. This is about me and you."

"How many times did you cheat on me this week? Huh? I bet you crawled right in her bed. She's always wanted to get her hands on you."

The irony of Lauren's comments almost make me laugh. Tris has had her hands on me many, many times – probably more than Lauren has. And Lauren, especially, Tris wanted to make sure that she respected. She knew that if she couldn't get along with my girlfriend, later fiancé, our friendship would suffer. And even though it's always been obvious to me that they were never fans of each other, Tris has always been the selfless one, sucking it up and being friendly. She did that for me.

"For Christ's sake, Lauren, you're really reaching right now. I've told you multiple times why I went to Tris's. That's all."

Lauren rolls her eyes. "Maybe I'll call her and ask," she dares.

"You want to fucking call her, go right ahead. She'll tell you that nothing fucking happened. But once you bring her into this, there's no going back. You broadcast your insecurity all over, that's on you."

That makes Lauren freeze, just like I knew it would. My feelings, or Tris's feelings, aren't enough to stop her from doing something. But her image is, and always will be, a deciding factor for her.

She lets out a frustrated grunt. "Well once you're gone, that's it. Don't think you can just walk back in here."

"I know," I say as I turn back towards the closet. I let out a loud sigh, grabbing a few more items and heading back to the bedroom to shove them in a suitcase. I've packed mostly clothes, things I immediately need for the next few weeks, and my suitcases are filled so far.

"Look," I say softly as I stand upright and make eye contact with her, "I can't get everything out of here right now. Plus, we've got some things to figure out financially, some shit to sort…so why don't we agree to talk about this in a couple weeks." When she doesn't respond, her face still contorted into an unhappy frown, I try again. "Lauren, we've got to do it sooner or later. We both know that right now is not going to work."

She's still silent, her eyes gazing out at nothing and I wonder if she's even listening. I lift the heavy suitcases onto the floor, wheeling them towards the door of the apartment. I'm about to open it when I hear her behind me.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll call you when I'm…ready."

I nod, thankful she's finally agreed. "I can pay half the bills," I offer, even though I know I can't swing half the rent of the lavish, downtown apartment.

Lauren shakes her head. "No. I'm good."

In all honesty, she is. Lauren makes more than enough money to afford this herself, and I appreciate that she's not being spiteful and accepting my offer anyways.

"If you're sure."

"Yes," she answers more forcefully. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

It's four days after Tobias and Lauren's break up that a co-worker, Myra, reminds me of our annual spring work party this weekend. Our CEO, Tori, hates winter, and every year when the weather seems to finally have turned warm for good, she throws a party. Christmas is not a big deal in our office – it's all about the warm weather instead.

I had planned on going because of two reasons. I go every year, as it is usually enjoyable. But this year I am also going because of the location. Tori has rented out Murphy's Bleachers, a popular rooftop location directly across from the bleacher entrance of Wrigley Field. The Cubs are playing the Cardinals, so aside from enjoying the experience, the game will be good too.

When Myra tells me she's bringing her boyfriend, Edward, it reminds me that everyone is welcome to bring a plus one. I haven't brought anyone in years; Peter was probably the last person that attended an event with me. Despite the fact that Tobias is handling his separation from Lauren pretty well, I think that it would be a nice change of pace for him if he came with me – as a friend, of course.

I haven't been to Murphy's rooftop yet, and I'm not sure Tobias has either. We've both been into the bar on multiple occasions but rooftop tickets sell out quickly and can be pricey. I know he's going to appreciate the experience as much as I will. As soon as I'm off work, I head towards the barber shop to show him the invitation, excited about the possibility of him coming with me. I think it'll be good for him and I'm enjoying getting to spend time with Tobias.

It's a quick ride on the El to the barber shop where Tobias works. I take a quick peak in the window to find just a few customers inside. I'd hate to walk into a large crowd and interrupt him with a client. I slip through the door, walking casually back to his station. As if he can sense me, he suddenly turns to face me, his eyes seeming to light up when we make eye contact.

"Hey," he says with a hint of surprise in his voice. "Couldn't wait a couple of hours to see me?"

I return his playful smile and settle into his barber chair. It's vintage; I remember the day he bought it and he told me he was going to fix it up. It took a few years, but the aqua and black chair is one of the things he is most proud of now. Slowly, I pull the party invite from my purse, holding it against my chest to keep it from him. "I have an important question that couldn't wait."

"Oh?" He leans one arm against the small counter, looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Are you busy on Saturday?"

"I'm supposed to work," he says hesitantly.

 _Fuck!_ I totally forgot that Tobias works on Saturdays! I can feel my face fall, disappointment seeping in over the fact that he can't come and that I was just about to offer something to him that he can't agree to.

"Come on," he says with a casual smile. "What's going on?"

I sigh and flip over the invitation, a sad smile on my face. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me."

Tobias takes the invitation from me, reading the words and details. "Are you serious?"

Shrugging, I offer an apology. "I'm sorry. I completely forgot you work on Saturdays." It dawns on me that I had been looking forward to bringing Tobias with me more than I had realized. I knew we would have a great time together and we haven't had a chance to do that in years.

Tobias glances around the shop and gives me a curt nod. "I'll figure it out."

"What?"

"I'll find a way to go. A lot of guys won't mind switching days; Saturday is busy. Or I'll give them my afternoon so I can make the game."

I hold up a hand hesitantly, "You don't have to do that for me."

Tobias laughs. "You? They're playing the Cardinals, Prior. I'm doing this for me," he shoots me a playful smile, but I let my mouth drop open in an attempt to act hurt, my hand clutching my chest.

"Going with you is a nice bonus," he adds, a playful look dancing in his eyes.

Tobias brings home dinner that night, picking up pasta from an Italian place near the barber shop that he loves. He curtly mentions that Lauren would never eat there because there were 'too many carbs' as he dishes the food onto plates for us. He shakes his head following his statement, like he shouldn't have brought her up.

I'm surprised when he does again though, telling me that he's never felt more sure of anything before. "I feel so much lighter," he says from his side of the coffee table. Forgoing the kitchen bar we'd brought our dinner into the living room to watch TV while we ate, using the floor instead of the couch.

"I think it took some build up for me to turn around and look at the past and how happy I used to be." He pauses briefly before adding, "I think being around you helped, you know."

I feel heat crawling up my neck, so I shove spaghetti in my mouth to hold off answering.

Instead of waiting, Tobias continues. "When I'm around you, I'm reminded of the person I want to be. Thank you for that."

"I didn't do anything," I mumble, surprised by his words.

"You don't have to. You let me be me. You always have." I meet his eyes, and they're intensely focused on mine the minute we make eye contact. "It's a lot more than anyone else does, Tris."

Silent, I nod.

"You're the one person that always has my best interests at heart…so thank you."

"Always," I finally manage to squeak out. "I think we decided that years ago, right?"

He shakes his head and lightly chuckles. "I don't think we ever had a chance. We were just…stuck with each other from the get go."

"Fate?" I ask mockingly, knowing Tobias would never agree to something like that.

He studies me for a moment before tipping back his beer bottle. He swallows and then lightly shrugs. "Maybe."

XXXX

Tobias is at work while I get ready for the game. He'd opted to go in and work a couple hours in the morning, giving up his Saturday afternoon in the shop. Even though it's a work party, the event is casual, so I pull on a comfy pair of jean shorts as I debate between my Arrieta and Zobrist jersey. Arrieta isn't up in the rotation but Zobrist hasn't been playing in every game, so it's a tough decision. Eventually I settle on Zobrist, pulling my arms through the sleeves over my royal blue tank top.

Tossing the few things I need into my small clutch, I pick up Tobias's jersey – Rizzo has been his favorite for years – and head out the door to meet Tobias at the stop for the Red Line. It takes me longer to get there, but halfway through my ride on the Blue Line he texts me to confirm he's off for the day. My excitement grows at the thought of spending this day with him.

We've always loved the Chicago Cubs, bonding over the traditions and the legends of the game while also reminding each other that someday we'd win a World Series. Last year we'd watched the World Series together with our group of friends, typically at Zeke and Shauna's apartment, and although Tobias had hugged me, sweeping me off my feet, I'd felt Lauren's presence all along, her eyes shooting daggers as we celebrated something together that was of no concern to her.

His eyes are sparkling with excitement when I see him, his sexy smile spreading across his face as he approaches me. I hand him his jersey when he's near me and he slides it on before pulling me to him in a hug.

"Thanks for asking me to come with you," he says sincerely.

"Who else would I ask?" I half tease, knowing that truthfully there's no one else I wanted to come with me.

He shrugs and raises his eyebrows at me questioningly, but our conversation is over as the train pulls up and we rush on with the crowd of people. One of my favorite things about going to a Cubs game is the throngs of people in their red and blue Cubs gear, heading to the game in a herd of pride and love of one team. Chicago is like that with their sports teams, and it's one of the things that makes it a great city to be in.

The train is packed, so I grab onto a pole and stand near the door. Tobias's tall frame allows him to grab onto one of the bars along the top, his body standing close to mine to avoid touching others. I know that Tobias has adjusted to public transportation in the city, but the El still manages to make him feel claustrophobic when it's full. He stands close to me in hopes of touching none of the strangers around him, wanting space to help him feel like the train is open and not confining him.

But at the next stop when even more people pile on, I see his eyes dart around nervously. I watch as his breathing grows more rapid, and I take his free hand in mine.

His eyes move down to me, locking on mine. I take a long, deep breath and then slowly exhale, squeezing his hand to urge him to do the same. He catches my cue and follows, his breathing slowing and his grip on my hand loosening. A smile eventually creeps across his face as he returns to normalcy, his eyes still not off of mine.

"Thanks, Tris. You're still the only one that can manage to do that."

I smile back at him, but part of me wonders why he never established that with Lauren. She was, after all, supposed to support him and love him for the rest of their lives. Their divot was bigger than I ever imagined, I'm learning.

Realizing I was still holding his hand I release it, but Tobias just moves his hand to my lower back until we reach Clark and Addison, ushering me out in front of him.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

Tris and I walk quickly to Murphy's. It's not far off the Red Line, but the crowds of people are already lining the streets and sidewalks despite it being early. I can tell Tris is just as excited as I am from the pep in her step, the way she quickly moves around people. Her smile brightens as we near the bar and she sees some of her co-workers, waving to them in greeting.

She introduces me to Myra, who in turn introduces us to her boyfriend Edward. A few other people nod or wave in greeting as we enter the bar, and Tris turns quickly when her name is called from a woman near the bar. I follow her as she heads in that direction, slipping through the crowd much easier than I can.

"I knew you'd be here early," the woman says calmly when Tris is near. "I'm glad you came."

"Of course I came," Tris replies. "This might be the best party you've ever thrown."

"As long as they win." The woman hands Tris a plastic cup full of beer as the bartender pours another.

"Thanks," she says before turning to me. "Tobias, this is Tori, my boss."

Slightly shocked that the woman with red highlights and tattooed arms is the owner of Tris's magazine, I keep my composure and extend my hand. Tori accepts my handshake while Tris continues introductions. "Tori, this is my friend, Tobias."

"Well, it's about time you got a handsome one," Tori says as she boldly eyes me.

She drops my hand as Tris rolls her eyes. "We're just friends," she protests, and Tori shrugs in response, handing the new beer that appeared on the bar to me.

"Drink up," she says as she raises her own glass. "Everyone in here should be drunk for how much I paid for this."

Tris nods. "We'll be sure to do our part!"

We tap our plastic cups together and each take a long drink, but Tori tells Tris she'd better be quick to grab a seat on top of the building in the bleachers if she wants one. I can only imagine how packed this party will be, and we definitely want a good view of the game.

We grab a great seat and we're done with our first beer before the game starts. Tris waits in our seats, wanting to see the line up while I head to the bar that's on top of the bleachers. Luckily we won't be heading back down each time we need another drink.

I hear her yell when they announce Ben Zobrist starting in left field and turn around to see her arms in the air in excitement. Tris can never decide on her favorite player, always having an internal battle from one to the next, but she's always loved Zobrist.

She smiles as she claps her hands, then high fives a co-worker next to her. I grab our two beers from the bar but hesitate a moment to drink in the site of her. Her blonde hair falling loosely around her shoulders and her aviator sunglasses resting on her nose, I think about how Tris's beauty has changed over the years. My attraction to her has always been strong, but she has always transitioned naturally and fluidly.

Shaking my head, I get back to my seat in the middle of the bleachers and hand Tris her beer. She takes it, thanking me, and then turns to introduce me to some of the people that are sitting by her. They're friendly and just as excited as we are for the opportunity to be here.

The game moves quickly, the Cubs taking an early lead after a few base hits and home runs by Rizzo and Bryant. With a score of 5-0, Tris and I decide to head inside to grab something to eat from the buffet and escape the sun for a bit. It's downstairs that we sit with Myra and Edward again.

I can tell that Tris is feeling the effects of the several beers she drank earlier, so if we're going to make it through the game it's a good idea that she paces herself. I grab us each a bottle of water after filling our plates, taking a seat at the table next to her.

Conversation is casual as we eat, Tris and I keeping up with the game with the multiple televisions inside of the bar.

"We should totally do this again this season," Myra suggests as we finish our plates.

Tris nods. "The food is really good, too. Totally worth it."

"I'm in for the unlimited beer," Edward says after he drains the rest of his glass. "I'll go grab us a couple more," he says as he notices Myra's is empty as well.

I nod to him. "I'll go with you," I tell him as I glance to Tris. "I'll get you another."

"Thanks," she says with a smile as she takes the last bite of her burger.

The bar is still lined with people, most who have probably been posted up in these seats all game. It's hard not to want to sit in the air and be continuously served free beer, but the sunshine and the atmosphere of the game still tops it.

"So, are all their work events this much fun?" Edward asks me while we wait. "I'll gladly go to all of them if they're similar to this."

I shrug. "This is my first one, too."

"Oh, really? Sorry, I just assumed you and Tris have been together a while."

"No big deal," I say with a nonchalant shrug.

"Myra and I just started dating when they had their party last summer and she went alone. But when she told me about it, I knew I'd be embarrassed to drag her to my work Christmas party," he says with a laugh.

"I work with all men," I say flatly. "We don't have any parties…but if we did, I don't think they'd be very appealing."

"Ah, so Tris gets off easy and doesn't get dragged to 'em. Don't let her tell Myra; she'll be insanely jealous."

I realize that Edward's assuming Tris and I are together, and as much as I feel awkward correcting him, I also don't want to disrespect Tris around her co-workers. "Oh…Tris and I….we aren't…together," I put together uncomfortably. "We're just friends."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He pauses as the waitress comes near us and holds up four fingers, motioning to the beer we're all drinking. "I guess you just seemed like it," he adds as he waits for our beer.

"Don't worry about it," I say, not sure how to explain Tris and my relationship to a stranger. "Plus, I wouldn't describe the group of guys I work with as people I'd like to introduce a female friend to." Specifically I think of Eric and the way his eyes roam over Tris when she comes to the shop. "It's probably better I don't ask her to go anywhere with that crowd, so Myra doesn't have much to be jealous of."

Edward nods, appearing happy that his girlfriend won't have someone to exaggerate with. He hands me two beers and we head back to the table, Tris thanking me as I give her a glass.

"I'm ready to head back up, if you guys are?" she questions. "There's only three innings left and I'd like to enjoy them outside.

I chuckle at her response and nod in agreement. I'd also like to catch the rest of the game outside. Standing, Edward and Myra follow our lead and head up to the bleachers with us, Tris finding a spot with an excellent view in the middle of the bleachers.

Oddly enough, I find my eyes drawn her more frequently than the field, as she hollers and cheers. The way she looks up at me shyly while she drinks from her cup with her eyebrows raised makes something inside my clench. I've looked at Tris so many times and seen her beauty. For ten years I've watched her change and grow and still remain this picture of perfection to me. I finally admit what I've never been able: that I don't want anyone else to have the opportunity to appreciate her beauty every day, I want it to be only mine.

I force my eyes back onto the game, pushing those thoughts out of my mind. Now isn't the time to press that issue, when we've both been drinking and I've only been broken up with my fiancé for four days. She'd never taken me seriously.

In the eighth inning, we're both back to being fully drunk. The sobering help of our lunch has faded and the multiple beers from the second half of the game are weighing in. Tris goes crazy when Zobrist hits a home run and the Cubs stretch their lead, pulling ahead 9-2. I put an arm around her waist and raise one into the air, cheering alongside her. It was a great game for this party and made for an even better atmosphere. Additionally, seeing Tris this thrilled and full of excitement is a welcome bonus.

I pull her to my side with my arm as the cheers calm, and her eyes meet mine. "Thanks for bringing me today," I repeat for the tenth time that day.

"I'm glad you came," she says back softly before pulling out my grasp to grab her cup, taking a long drink of her beer and turning back to the game.

XXXXX

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

Our party ends twenty minutes after the end of the game, so we stay until it's over to avoid the rush of the people getting on the Red Line. Afterwards we say bye to Myra and Edward before walking to the station, the crowd having thinned enough for us to find a seat when we step on.

Despite the amount of alcohol in our systems, I feel oddly energized from the game. The coffee I drank in the 7th inning may also have helped, but I know the lull of the train will make me drowsy in no time.

"Today was a lot of fun," I admit with a smile as I look at Tobias. "It was kind of like old times, you know? Thanks for going with me." As good as I thought this would be for Tobias, I finally acknowledge that it was good for me, too.

"It reminded me a lot of the old times," he admits, the smile in his eyes genuine.

"We should keep doing this," I tell him. "Even if it's not a special occasion." In reality, I've missed our fun group outings probably more than anyone, because I'm still single. It's hard to get a group together whenever everyone seems to have paired off.

Tobias's head bobs up and down. "I agree." His blue eyes look intensely into mine.

When we switch to the Blue Line I feel myself growing tired. My head falls over onto Tobias shoulder and I vaguely register him placing his hand on my knee as I hook my arm around his. I stay awake but let my eyelids fall as they grow heavy.

"You can sleep, Tris. I'll wake you at our stop." His voice is soft and soothing, but I lightly shake my head.

"No, I'll be ok until we get home."

His head nods slightly, but enough that I can feel it. "If you say so." His fingertips lightly rub my knee, his hand providing a warmth I didn't know was there until he removes it. When our stop arrives, we walk to my apartment quickly. We both grab water from the fridge, chugging it thoroughly to hydrate before sitting on the couch.

Tobias flips through the sports channels to find replays and highlights from the game, but I don't realize how fatigued I am from the game, and I knock out while he's still flipping channels.

XXXXX

It's hours later when I start to stir, feeling so insanely comfortable I let myself drift in and out of sleep several more times before I can't anymore. I can nap with the best of them, but today I'm engulfed in warm and security. It takes a moment to realize it's because I'm on Tobias's chest.

When I'd fallen asleep I was sitting next to him, I'm sure my head dropped onto his shoulder. How we ended up lying on the couch, me curled into his side, is a mystery. Assuming, it probably happened in a joint effort to be more comfortable, I brush it off. I cannot fall into this pattern again.

It had been brutally hard to acknowledge to myself that Tobias and I had an ending. He committed himself to Lauren in a way he never had before, and then made it even more serious when he proposed. It felt like a break up with no closure, but who was I to complain? I'd done the same thing to him when I'd dated Peter.

Pushing myself upright, I slowly move out of his grasp. Immediately, it registers with him and he readjusts, almost as if he's attempting to find what's suddenly missing. Only I know that it's me.

I head towards the kitchen to pour myself another glass of water. Thankfully we drank enough water to not let the sun or the alcohol do too much damage, and despite the fact that I has expected to wake up hung over, I'm not.

Glancing over at Tobias, I think about what his life will be like – what our friendship will be like – now that he's no longer with Lauren. Will we be able to return to hanging out, just like we did yesterday? Will he try to go back to the way things were, hooking up from time to time? I know that I won't let that happen – we aren't kids anymore. Maybe a marriage, or even a relationship isn't in my future, but I think I owe it to myself to be more than that to someone, even if I know Tobias cares about me.

I start the coffee and shake my head. His actions to seem to lean more towards old-Tris-and-Tobias, but he hasn't at all insinuated that anything like that should happen between us. I'm probably over reacting about something that'll never happen, anyways.


	7. Chapter 7

**So this update took longer than I planned. Unfortunately, summer is kicking my butt and I've been exhausted in the evenings. Hopefully after this week is over, I'll have a bit more energy and be able to post regularly again! Thanks for your patience & for sticking around! Happy reading!**

* * *

TOBIAS – 1 YEAR AGO

Orland Square Mall isn't the greatest, and if Lauren knew what I was doing here, she'd probably flip. But Zeke and I both thought it was a good idea to come to the suburbs instead of shopping in the city. I didn't want anyone seeing me and rumors flying around.

"You sure you want to do this?" Zeke asks as we stand outside the jewelry store.

"Do you know that's the third time you've asked me?"

He shrugs. "I just…I don't know how you're ready. I'm not sure I'm ready, and I've been with Shauna for a lot longer."

"I can't really explain it. I just…I just know."

Zeke looks at me and I can sense the hesitation. "Man, I just want to say this, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way, ok?"

I nod, bracing myself for something I probably don't want to hear.

"If you're happy, I'm happy for you. But for as long as I've known you, I never thought your life would be like how it is now. You got this fancy apartment, this high-maintenance girlfriend who you take to up-scale restaurants. It's just…it's not how I see you. So I guess that's why I want to make sure you're positive this is what you want."

Zeke is right, in a way. I didn't expect to fall for a woman like Lauren. He's right – she is high maintenance and she does prefer the fancier, more upscale and expensive things in life. I'm still getting used to that, but I fell for her regardless.

"It's different, I'll admit it. I didn't expect it. But, I am happy with Lauren."

"Have you told Tris?" he asks, switching topics.

"No," I say softly, knowing I should.

When Lauren and I decided to move in together, we shopped for an apartment for months. Tris and I had grown apart and didn't talk as frequently, and even thought I felt like I should tell her, I didn't feel right calling her just to deliver my news. It felt fake and insensitive. Instead, I avoided it all together and figured she'd find out through the grapevine.

It was only a couple of weeks after Lauren and I moved in together that I walked into Zeke and Shauna's apartment to be faced with a furious Shauna.

"You didn't fucking tell her?!" she'd yelled, her fists balled at her sides as soon as she saw me. Zeke had stood by, his face neutral. "Do you know how terrible I felt when it got brought up in front of her and she had no goddamn idea? She didn't even know you were looking for a place, Tobias." Zeke's face was filled with disappointment in me to perfectly compliment Shauna's face of rage. "You're supposed to be her best fucking friend," she seethed before stomping off to their bedroom while Zeke suggested we leave for drinks instead of staying at their apartment.

"You need to tell her," he says flatly, referring to this engagement. "And you better tell her before you do it."

I nod. "I will."

"When?" he pushes.

"I don't know…I'll call her later, I guess."

"I'm serious, Tobias," he says with raised eyebrows. "If you don't, I'm going to."

I rub my forehead. Purchasing a ring was already stressing me out, but Zeke's added pressure – well deserved as it is – just adds to my anxiety about this situation. I turn and walk away from the jewelry store to grab a coffee or a snack or something. Anything to delay this experience will work.

We sit in silence for a while, and Zeke's the one who stands up first. "Are we doing this or not?" he asks, a smile on his face.

Following him, I stand. "Yeah, let's go."

Despite the feelings Zeke expressed about my lifestyle with Lauren, I still feel completely confident in my decision to marry her. I love her and we've been together long enough that I feel like taking this next step is only logical. If we weren't meant to be together, I would probably already know that, right?

Picking out a ring is more difficult than I anticipated, as the styles and sizes vary way more than I had thought it would. I know that Lauren would want the biggest rock she could get her hands on, but I am also not dumb enough to empty my bank account on it either. The saleswoman is extremely helpful, and after Zeke and I have narrowed it down to the one I want, it's Zeke who asks about the return policy. I shoot him a glare.

"I mean, if she doesn't like it and wants to bring it back," he says defensively.

I nod, agreeing that this is likely to happen.

"You have 30 days," the woman says. "But exchanges only. No refunds or returns."

I thank her before signing the papers, and then realize I haven't even thought of how to propose. Fuck.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

I start poking online for apartments later that week. Lauren had calmly reached out to me to make arrangements to divide our belongings and finances, so we set up a meeting for that weekend at a coffee shop, where we can keep it civil and get it done.

Belongings and material things like that aren't much concern to me. I'm not sure how she'll be open to splitting the finances, but I want to get an idea of how much I'll need to for a deposit for an apartment and….stuff. I hate to keep putting Tris out like this, but I know she'll let me stay if I don't get enough cash to get out quickly.

Tris sees what's on my laptop as I'm scrolling through apartment listings one evening. She raises her eyebrows and looks at me questioningly. "You leavin'?"

"Not today." I scratch the back of my head as my eyes glance around the screen. "I just want to establish a price range," I explain.

"Where are you looking?" she says, leaning over my shoulder.

I blush slightly as she sees I've been scanning apartments in her neighborhood. She eyes me curiously without vocalizing any opinions.

"I like it here," I explain. "I think it's a good place to start over."

Tris shrugs as she moves from behind me to the other side of the counter. "It is." Her head nods in approval. "Plus, it's nice having you around."

I nod casually, as if I'm not touched by her sentiments.

"In case I don't say it enough, which I know I don't, thanks for everything you've done for me. You've always been in my corner, always had my back, always supported me. And it's been nice to have you back in my life." She dodges me shyly after she speaks, when I raise my head to make eye contact, waiting until she's ready to meet me.

"Always," I respond patiently. "And, you too," I add, to not minimize the contributions the additions she's made to my life.

"So," she asks after a few moment of silence, filled with her refilling her water bottle and chopping up a banana to slather in peanut butter. "When are you meeting with Lauren?"

"Saturday." I'm trying to stay neutral about the meeting, not getting my hopes up on attaining a significant amount of finances. "After that I can give you a timeline of the earliest I can get out of here."

Tris, leaning against the counter, rolls her eyes. "That's the least of my worries. You're fine here, Tobias. Take care of yourself, for a change."

I nod, still not buying what she's selling. As much as I know Tris loves people, I also know she loves her own personal time. So butting into her personal life isn't probably as much fun as she pretends it is.

"I did like that apartment though," she adds from behind a tight lipped smile, always knowing how to lighten the mood. She raises her glass to her lips and her eye brows climb. "Maybe you will too."

TRIS-PRESENT DAY

Being the single one in a group of friends that are all dating each other can be very tiring. It wasn't so bad in college, but after we graduated our social lives all died down a bit. Everyone appeared to get more serious, while my life just went in the opposite direction – especially after Peter.

Christina and Shauna do their best to make time for just us, the women, instead of constantly having to be a big group where everyone is really in a pair except for me.

I'm not one for group workout classes. In fact, I hate them. I would much rather work out alone, without an instructor barking orders and without comparing myself to others around me. But, because my friends are insisting I go with them for a chance to spend some time together, I reluctantly sign up for barre class at a new studio near Shauna's apartment on Sunday morning.

It's not a bad idea to give Tobias some time to himself, either. I can tell he's stressed about finances and his current situation. He met with Lauren on Saturday like planned, and she was more agreeable than he anticipated her to be. Even though they weren't married, they'd already combined their finances and purchased their apartment and belongings together. Tobias was fine with leaving the material items they'd purchased to her, and in exchange she'd agreed to split their finances in a favorable amount. He didn't give specifics, and I didn't ask. But he did share that starting over was going to be a bit stressful.

I get to the studio earlier than Shauna and Christina, not wanting to go inside alone. I lean against the bike rack near the curb to wait and glance through my phone to pass the time. It's during that time I hear my name.

Looking up, my eyes meet the cold, piercing stare of Lauren. Her hands are poised on her hips as she stares at me intently. I pause, unsure of how I'm supposed to respond to her semi-greeting.

"Hey, Lauren," I finally say softly. Tobias did share most of their conversations with me, although he didn't relay word for word. I'm aware of Lauren's accusations enough to know that this isn't going to be a friendly conversation.

She sarcastically laughs in response and takes a few steps closer to me. I tuck my phone in my hand as I cross my arms defensively, waiting for whatever harsh words she has to share.

"So, where's Tobias? I mean, you dragged yourself away from him this morning?"

I sigh and shake my head, annoyed. "I'm not doing this with you," I say as I look away, trying to send the message that this conversation is over.

"My fiancé leaves our home and goes to yours, and you can't even talk to me?" Her long hair swishes around she moves her head while she talks. Her words are crisp and sharp. I know she's going to be careful about what she says here. After all, her public image is what stopped her from calling me the night Tobias broke up with her.

I turn my head back towards her. "Lauren, your relationship issues have nothing to do with me, and if you listened to Tobias you'd know that."

"Well he didn't decide to call off our wedding until he was around you…" she trails off, attempting to insinuate something with her words.

I ignore her comment, glancing around the studio to see where Christina and Shauna are. They are supposed to meet me here, after all.

"You've always been conniving against me, Tris. And I've always known it."

Pushing up off the bike rack I was still leaning on, I stand up straighter and look Lauren in the eye. "I will say this, for the last fucking time. Tobias's reason for leaving had nothing to do with me. And if you cared at all about him, you would listen to him and try to understand why he left."

She steps back, surprised at my bold statement and I feel a bubble of courage in my gut. "And maybe, he left because you're a bitch."

Lauren just stares at me for a second, her mouth parting slightly. But I don't give her the chance to respond and after a deep glare I turn and walk away, my arms swinging purposefully at my sides. I quickly send a text to Shauna and Christina. Fuck the gym, I write. Meet me at Wildberry Café.

"So she just…confronted you?" Christina asks as she sips on her mimosa. They made it to WIldberry Café just after I did, and we were early enough to grab a table at the ever popular brunch spot. Any later in the day and we'd be waiting at least 45 minutes.

I shrug. "Yeah. I mean… I didn't even see her. She approached me."

"Well, don't you think she's kind of right?" she replies. "Being around you is – "

I put my hand up. "No. We're not doing that today."

"Doing what?"

"Talking about Tobias and me." I shoot a look over at Shauna. After the conversation I'd had with her, paired with Tobias and Lauren breaking up, I'd told Shauna that I was drawing a line. We weren't going to go down the same path again.

"Ok…" she says, putting her hands up in to show that she's backing off. "Well, what about your birthday that's coming up next month? What do you want to do?"

Shrugging, I reply. "I don't know. We don't have to do anything."

"Well I have been brainstorming, and I think we need to make our way back down to our old stompin' grounds!"

"A trip to Dauntless?" Shauna asks, her eyes lighting up at the idea.

"Yes!" Christina chirps. "Will mentioned that their fraternity formal is coming up and none of them have gone for a few years. And now that Lauren is gone-" she makes a motion with her thumb, throwing it back over her shoulder, "it'll be our group again, and it'll be so, so fun!"

A smile slowly grows across my face at the idea. I haven't been back to our former school for a few years, and I know most of my friends haven't either. Jobs and careers and other responsibilities got in the way, but now that we're all established and comfortable in our jobs we should be able to get the time off.

"I think it's a pretty good idea."

Christina and Shauna's smiles grow as they realize that I've just agreed.

"Do you think the boys will go for it?" I asked, and Christina laughs in response.

"Without a doubt."

* * *

Just a few days after our conversation at Wildberry, everyone had excitedly agreed to the trip. While we did a lot of these things when we were younger, it's been a few years since our group of friends has been together like this. The fraternity formal is on a Saturday, so we all agree to head down Friday after work.

During the weeks leading up to our trip, Tobias had checked out a few apartments in the area and I had even gone with him to a couple. Wicker Park is a great neighborhood to live in, but it can also be extremely overpriced. Finding something in his price range is going to be difficult; it certainly was when I found my place. He's ventured out into looking in other areas, but I know he doesn't want to over extend himself financially.

Christina and Will offer to drive, as well as Shauna and Zeke. I'm thankful that Uriah is coming with us as well, so it doesn't put Tobias and me in a position to be the odd pair out. Uriah's recently started dating someone, but doesn't feel it's serious enough yet to invite her. Part of me is thankful it'll just be our old, comfortable group.

I'd gone shopping for a dress with Christina a week ago, but didn't fully trust her opinion on clothing. Her style was just too different from mine, and I wanted to feel comfortable and confident. I ended up buying two, planning on choosing one before we left so I could return the other. But instead, I find myself still indecisive. I wasn't completely positive the white dress with floral print was formal enough, despite it being a long, floor length dress.

I hear the door and a greeting from Tobias. Heading out into the living room, I see him standing by the open fridge, moving some things around to fit a 12 pack of beer inside. I can already smell the pizza that he'd placed on the counter, so I take a deep breath, which causes him to stand up and turn around.

The look on his face is one I can't quite describe as he takes in my appearance, so I just look down at myself and shrug at him.

"Does this look ok?" I question, still unsure if I felt comfortable in it.

"Much better than ok," he mumbles, his voice low.

"Seriously, Tobias." I head back into my room to stand in front of the mirror again. When I see that he's following me, I motion to the other dress on the door. "Do you think that one would look better?"

"No. I mean, maybe. But I think this one looks good. Really good." He stumbles through his sentences, making me feel self-conscious.

I nod my head to agree with him. "I'll take this one."

He continues to stand in the doorway, staring at me until I throw a pillow at him. "Get out of here so I can change."

Snapping back to his normal self, Tobias laughs and tosses the pillow back at me, exiting the room and pulling the door closed behind him.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

By the time Tris comes out of her room, dressed in leggings and t-shirt, I've already opened two beers and have our pizza on plates at the bar. She takes a seat, then smiles when she noticed I've given her two corner pieces – her favorite.

"Thanks," she says with a smile, and I just shrug it off.

Tris is gorgeous all of the time, but coming home and seeing her dressed up in something a bit fancier than her normal attire caught me off guard. Even though I know she's self-conscious about her body and the way she compares to other women, her uniqueness is something I've always loved about her. So, catching a glimpse of her body in that dress was a nice surprise.

"You looked good, Tris," I remind her. "You shouldn't be worried at all."

"Well…" she starts, but doesn't continue, probably looking for something to say in response to the compliment I just gave her.

I change the subject, hoping to make the moment more casual. "Did you just start packing?"

She nods as she chews, waiting before speaking. "I just got my suitcase out," she motions to the small suitcase open on the floor, and then points to another next to it. "I got an extra out in case you need it. Most of yours are… full."

I glance over at the stack of my stuff in the corner of Tris's living room. Thankfully she doesn't have formal company over at all and doesn't do a lot of entertaining. Otherwise, I'm sure my stack of boxes and belongings would be a total sore spot. Instead, Tris hadn't cared when Zeke and I had brought his truck back from the place I'd shared with Lauren full of my personal belongings. Honestly, I was glad I hadn't wanted to keep anything big because I'd have nowhere to keep it.

I run a hand through my hair. "I promise that shit will be out soon. I am working on a place."

"Tobias," she says mockingly, "You shouldn't be worried at all." Laughing lightly, she leans into me a bit, bumping her shoulder against mine. "I don't care."

"I know you say that," I reply, but I don't continue. Tris is so selfless that even if she was ready to have her own space back, she wouldn't say that to me. She knows I'm trying to find a place and she knows that I'm on a budget.

I've even offered to give her some cash, but she's refused to take it. She insists that if she was affording everything before I started staying here, that it's no problem to continue it. I try to grab dinner or groceries to make up for it, but as an ultimate thank you, I plan on paying for everything this weekend.

Another reason I really need to find a place is because I can't tell Tris my feelings for her until we have some space from each other. It's getting more difficult as each day goes by to keep them to myself, but timing is everything. I can't expect her to want to be with me when I just split up from someone I was planning on marrying, but I especially can't tell her while I'm still living with her. That would put too much pressure on both of us, and I can't image having to stay with her if she was uncomfortable with my confession.

We take a moment to eat and drink before we continue packing. Chatting about the weekend, we talk about some of my fraternity brothers who are going back for the event and recall memories about them. It's nice sharing these memories with Tris and it reminds me of how much our friendship has changed. I'm glad we've been able to reconnect lately, despite the circumstances.

TRIS-PRESENT DAY

Walking up to Tobias's old fraternity house Friday evening is a bit uncomfortable. I spent four years regularly visiting this house, but now it feels oddly foreign and unfamiliar, despite the memories it brings back.

None of us know any of the current members, but the president of the fraternity during their first couple of active years, Amar, has continued to be active with the chapter. He comes down frequently for events, so he was thrilled when Tobias called him to request seats for formal.

As we walk up the long drive to the old house, the people sitting on the porch turn to look at us. Their unfamiliar faces scan over ours, but it's just a moment later that Amar and George appear on the porch. Amar shakes his head with a smile on his face.

"I can't believe you clowns are finally back here," he says happily while walking down the stairs to come greet us each with a hug. He's followed by George, who greets each of us in the same fashion. Amar takes a moment to linger in the hug he gives me, eyeing Tobias next to me, as if he's waiting for him to say something. When Tobias doesn't, he nods gently. "He still isn't the jealous type, huh?"

I can't hear what Tobias mutters in his ear as they share a manly embrace, but it brings a deep laugh from Amar before he turns away.

George motions for us all to follow him up the porch, introducing us to the current brothers of the fraternity and the people with them. It's clear that they recognize them from photos and probably over-told stories, showing excitement to having them here for their event.

We tour the house, and I'm surprised by the amount of changes that have been made. It's been quite a few years since we've been here, so I'm not surprised they've had to keep up. But it just reminds me how distant all of these memories are. Part of me feels like that same young, naïve 18 year old that I was when I came here the first time, seeing Tobias in the basement and feeling instant attraction to him. It would be so easy to be that girl again; to fall right back into those feelings for him. I remember laughing with him in these hallways as we snuck private kisses, or the way he'd stand near me when guys who'd drank too much seemed to be paying me too much attention.

"Tris, you ok?" I hear Uriah ask from behind me, realizing that I'd been standing still instead of walking with the group.

I shake my head, running a hand through my hair. "Yeah, sorry. I think I'm just a little out of it from the car ride."

He looks me up and down as if he isn't' sure how to respond, but we continue to walk down the hall and up to the third floor. It was typically only used for smaller get togethers and fraternity meetings, but sometimes Tobias and I would come up here to escape the craziness when parties got too full. Another time I remember him pulling me up here when someone called the police. I was 19 years old and hiding in a closet with him in the dark, hoping no one came up.

I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself and continue to the walk up the stairs. When we reach the landing of the stairs, Tobias turns around and takes my arm. "Are you sure you're ok?" he says softly.

Nodding, I try to smile. "It's just kind of overwhelming being back here…don't you think?"

Pausing, he shrugs. "Yeah, it's a little weird. It feels like college was so long ago."

"It was," Christina speaks up from where she's standing. "We graduated 6 years ago. I know it's not that long, but look at how our lives have changed."

"And it's been 4 years since any of you have come back," Amar says, glancing around.

Zeke steps forward a little. "Amar, we didn't mean for that to happen. It's not like we were cutting the cord or –"

Shaking his head, Amar cuts him off. "I know. I'm not saying that." He shrugs. "Hell, I only live an hour away, I get the guys involved in the non-profit I work for, and I like being on the executive board of the chapter."

"You always were a good role model," Will replies.

"Plus, you know," George says as he motions to us. "You guys have each other, and you're all still hanging together after six years. We," he motions to himself and Amar, "didn't meet the love of our lives in college. We're still living the bachelor life."

"Which, welcome back to it my friend!" Amar exclaims, lightening the mood as he moves to pat Tobias on the back. "I wonder how long it'll last," he slips in before glancing at me and turning and heading back down the stairs.

By the time we make it out to the porch, Amar's retrieved a beer for everyone and we sit and mingle for a while. We talk about what's changed on campus and what's planned for the weekend. The younger guys remind me so much of what we were like, and I don't feel like there's much age difference between us until we start discussing what bars to head to that night and some of them tell us they're still under 21.

We finish our beers and decide to head to the hotel we rented for the weekend. I felt it had been weird to discuss how to split up, but we knew we'd have to get two rooms because there were 7 of us. Uriah had been the one to speak up and say he'd be comfortable staying with Zeke and Shauna, which left Tobias and I with Will and Christina. It was a relief to not have to make that decision myself.

We decide to grab a quick dinner at George's Café, our favorite Greek restaurant, and then head back over to the house to hang out with everyone that's in town for the weekend. Hopefully I can shake this de ja vu feeling I keep getting, because the last thing I want to do is ruin the weekend and worry about things I don't need to.

TOBIAS – 10 YEARS AGO

The music is blaring, the beer is getting cold in the cooler, and I stand behind the bar scanning the crowd. Talking to Tris on Facebook earlier today had been the last thing I'd expected. Though I'd been able to recognize her, she'd grown up for sure in the years since I'd seen her. I invited her to the party, but I wasn't so sure she was going to come.

I can barely hear the girl that comes up to the bar, leaning over to talk to me. She speaks loudly, her eyes twinkling as mine meet them.

"Tris?!" I yell back as soon as I realize who she is. When her face relaxes in relief that she got it right, I move around the bar to come hug her.

I've never been one to believe in love at first sight or those instant connections or whatever. But when I hug Tris, I feel something, even if I can't describe it. And when she pulls away, it's like part of me wants to just go with her, stay connected.

We stand close while we talk so we can hear over the loud music, but even if it wasn't playing, I don't think I could myself back from her. Oddly enough, I realize that I have barely even looked at her…I just feel whatever this is.

My eyes reach her face, and I drink in her look. She's different, her look is unique. Yet I find her unusually beautiful and am unable to deny my instant attraction to her. But I force myself to focus on our conversation. We reminisce on our old friendship, still both surprised we ended up in college together. It's an instantly easy conversation, and I'm surprised that despite the time we spent apart, there's little awkwardness between us.

Eventually we part ways, Tris heading back to her friends and I wind up again back behind the bar.

"And that was…" Zeke asks, raising his eyebrows with curiosity.

"An old friend." I smile smugly, thinking about Tris, and take a long drink from my beer.

Zeke scoffs. "Yeah. I'm sure you're thinking right now about how you'd love for her to be more than a friend. Unless you're not…"

I put a hand up, halting those thoughts right there. I don't necessarily know what I'm thinking might happen between us, but for some reason I feel oddly cautious of wanting to introduce her to all of my friends.

"I'm not saying that's exactly what I'm thinking, but I am saying no one else better be thinking that." I want to see his reaction, but I don't want to be obvious, so I side eye him quickly and see him sporting his typical shitty grin. He already knows he's not going anywhere near Tris, at least not that way. We're too good of friends for him to do that.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

Zeke, Uriah, Will and I offer to help with set up and last minute details before formal, while the women get ready for the evening. We'd walked through campus in the morning, driven around past our old houses and apartments. The way the memories hit us – or at least me – was insane. In a way, it made me miss that time and the lifestyle we lived. We were so carefree, not worrying about anything permanent or life-altering. Tomorrow always seemed to be a new day with a new slate. Now, not so much.

We head to the venue for formal in the afternoon. The steakhouse, where we'd help a couple formals when we were active brothers, in just down the block from our hotel. The upper loft area provides privacy and ambiance, with soft lights hanging from the ceiling to create a homey, comfortable kind of feel. The tables are already set up, featuring a head table for the chapter board, and then round tables from the rest of the brothers, guests, and family. We've got a few things to get done, mostly displaying photos and passing out favors, so we don't need to be here for too long.

Shortly after everyone gets to work, Amar pulls me aside and takes me down to the bar, ordering us each a beer. "They've got it," he says with a wave towards the upstairs and the group of young guys. "We need to catch up."

I chuckle. "You sure?"

He nods, then begins slowly. "I…you know…I heard about your engagement. And then I heard about your break up. And I just want to make sure you're ok."

It's hard question to answer, and Amar is the first person to forwardly ask me. I shrug, then pause as our beers are served. "It was definitely the right choice, I have no doubt in that."

"Still doesn't mean it's easy."

Nodding my head, I agree. "It definitely wasn't. Doing that to Lauren was hard, and then dealing with her afterwards…was really hard."

Amar listens intently, letting me talk at my own pace.

"And, starting over isn't easy. Obviously I need to find my own place so I'm sleeping on Tris's couch, which – "

"Just the couch?" he interjects.

"Yes," I say, slightly annoyed. "Just the couch. It's nice, really nice being around her and just being able to relax and be myself. But at the same time, I'm sure she'd like some of her space and her time back."

"And you? You want your own space?"

I take a long drink, avoiding the answer to that question. I am ready for my own space, but only so that I can figure out how to take the next step with Tris without making her feel pressured.

"You don't have to answer. You'd sleep anywhere to be close to that woman."

Running my fingers down my glass to wipe off the sweat, I avoid eye contact. "I don't want to get into that, right now."

"Shit, you don't have to," he says before taking his own drink. "You look at her the same way you did when you were 19."

I sigh. "Being back here…it's kind of crazy. There's so many memories, but nothing comes to mind with another woman…just her."

Amar laughs. "You two did have some good ones," he says, probably recalling many of the times he saw us drinking heavily together, our friendship strong. Amar was one of the only people to pick up on the secret relationship we had, and he didn't comment on it until he came back my senior year for homecoming, asking why we weren't together yet. Amar is quite observant.

"We did, too," I say, referring to me and Amar. "I'm sorry we haven't been back more." I haven't mentioned it to anyone, but I'm hoping that we can make this a more often occurrence. We've been having a good time so far, and it's nice to still be involved in our old fraternity.

Amar smiles as he brings his beer up to his mouth. "Don't wait so long next time, brother." He downs his beer, and I do the same. We get up, heading back upstairs to see how the set-up is coming along. Halfway up, Amar slaps me on the back. "I just hope next time you come, you have better news."

I know exactly what he's thinking. He's pulling for me and Tris.


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy Reading :)**

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

We'd arrived back at the hotel with plenty of time for us to shower and throw on our suits, thinking we may even have some time to grab a drink at the hotel bar before dinner. Christina has styled Tris's hair into loose curls, which suits her natural style perfectly. It looks effortless, even though I'm certain it took precision and great care from Christina, because I know Tris has no idea how to curl her hair. I smile as she waves Christina off while doing her make-up, insisting she can do it herself. While Christina is much more into make-up and fashion than Tris, I'd rather see her with a more natural, every day look than whatever Christina will dig out of her bottomless make up bag and rub on her face.

I hop in the shower after Zeke, hastily washing my hair and body while reminding myself that tonight is just another night with friends. Despite the fact that memories with Tris are hitting me like a ton of bricks, I've got to act like nothing is up. However, it's getting harder and harder to suppress my feelings, and it appears that other people, like Amar, are able to read them.

By the time I'm out of the shower and dried off, Tris is the only one left in the room. Christina had migrated to the other room so that I could get dressed in privacy, and Tris is up close to a mirror, fixing non-existent flaws in her make up with a pencil and a brush.

I'd brought my briefs into the bathroom, but still slung a towel around my waist as I left, not sure of who was still in the room. Tris casually glances over at me. "I ran the iron over your shirt earlier; it was a little wrinkled." She nods to the closet next to her. "It's in there."

"Thanks," I say, moving closer to her. I've never been nervous about being naked with Tris, so I don't think twice about opening the closet and then dropping the towel from my waist to retrieve my pants, pulling them on while I take a moment to take in her appearance. She hadn't changed her mind after I encouraged that her dress looked good on her and was also appropriate enough for the occasion. The dress comes up to her neck and is looser, with those pleat things on top. It then tightens a little around her waist, and is long and flowy to the bottom. My favorite thing about it is that she's covered – not in some weird possessive caveman way – but that you have to be extremely lucky to have seen what's underneath. And I've been that lucky.

Tris notices that I'm checking her out and smirks at me. "Stop it," she says as she puts the brush back onto her eye lid.

"What?! You look good!" I reply as I reach back into the closet for my shirt, pulling it on over my bare shoulders. I swear I see Tris sneak a glance at my naked form, her cheeks slightly pinking. "Stop with the make-up though," I add.

She whips her head around to me. "It looks awful, doesn't it?" Her eyes bleed a look of concern as her mouth turns into a frown. "I knew it," she says, softer, and puts down the brush and whatever make up thing she's holding, trying to move past me towards the sink.

"Hey, no!" I spit out as I grab her waist, blocking her path to the sink. "I didn't mean that."

She looks down and doesn't respond, but stops walking. "No, you're right." She shakes her head. "I should have let Christina do it."

I laugh. "No, you definitely made the right the choice there." When she looks at me quizzically, I explain. "She just puts too much stuff on you…and you don't look like yourself anymore."

Her eyes meet mine, and she doesn't reply. "I like the natural Tris…" With my arm still awkwardly holding her waist to block her from reaching the bathroom, I adjust, facing her. Without realizing it, my hands find their way onto her hips as I continue talking. "That's why I said stop…I just felt like you were putting so much on." Tris keeps her head down, but her eyes up, on mine. "I…you don't need it. All this shit on your face." My eyes wander over her face and I must make some of comical expression as Tris's face breaks into a wide, genuine grin, followed by a deep laugh.

Her arms find my elbow as she tosses her head back slightly, and the curve of her available neck reminds me of the way I use to nibble on it lightly when she laughed that way, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist.

"This 'shit on my face'?" she says instead, and I can't help but also break into a relaxed grin at the humor.

"I'm not the best with words," I shrug, my hands still on her. "But I mean it."

"Thanks, Tobias."

I open my mouth again to tell her that she's insanely beautiful with it or without it, but we hear the key card to the door click and Tris must realize what our current position looks like. My shirt is still unbuttoned, so she pulls away and reaches back for her make up while I begin to work my buttons. We're apart when the door opens, but the awkward silence between us leaves Christina staring at us suspiciously while Will remains clueless behind her.

"We're almost ready," Tris says as she shoves her make-up back in her bag. "I'm ready for a drink."

"Yeah…maybe you both need something to cool you off," Christina mumbles, but Tris shoots her an automatic glare.

Had they not walked in, I'm not sure what would have happened between Tris and I. I'm not sure I wanted anything to happen, given the circumstances and what I want for the long run. But by the time I'm ready and Tris's stuff is put away, she grabs her small wristlet and smiles up at me.

"Let's go."

TRIS – 8 YEARS AGO

I curl my legs up under me on the couch, Marlene lounging on the opposite side. She clicks the remote a few times until she comes across an episode of Law and Order: SVU that we haven't seen and stops, tossing it down on the cushion next to her. I take a long drink from the bottle of beer in front of me as I see Shauna and Christina coming down the stairs from their bedrooms.

Pretending everything is ok, I smile at them. "You look fab," I muster up, not really concerned with how they look.

"Yeah, for real," Marlene says from beside me, her words sincere but her voice thick with unhappiness.

"Thanks," Shauna says softly, almost as if she feels bad taking our compliments. She adjusts her long, shimmery blue gown. "We'll miss you guys."

"No, you won't," Marlene says flatly with a shrug. "But that's ok." She reaches her beer bottle over to my side of the couch and we clink them together in cheers.

"You'll have a great time," I add.

Christina, half of her hair pinned up on her head, the rest falling around her shoulders, checks her make up in the mirror. "You two should go out, do something fun. No need to sit in and pout."

"I'm not pouting," I snap, getting annoyed. "We just wanted to stay in."

"Right," she says as she tucks her lip gloss into her small purse and takes a last glance in the mirror.

Marlene glances to the large picture window in the front of the house. "Looks like your ride is here," she comments when she notices the headlights that have pulled up. Will and Zeke, presumably, are here to pick up Shauna and Christina for their fraternity formal.

Secretly, Marlene had been hoping that Uriah would ask her to formal, especially after Zeke asked Shauna on friendly terms. While it was obvious to everyone that they enjoyed each other and it was common knowledge they'd gone out a few times together, Uriah had neglected to ask her to go to formal as his date. She'd been shocked, and slightly hurt, questioning his feelings or attraction to her. She eventually voiced these feelings to me after it became obvious that Tobias was not asking me to go as his date. She and I were in the same boat.

And to be fair to him, there was no reason for him to ask me. We're not dating, and that's always been very clear. But I thought that maybe since two of my friends were going with his, and I hung out with his friends often, that it would be fun for him to have me there. But, I guess not.

Upon questioning Will, Christina found out that Tobias was going alone, which was almost worse. Now, instead of him choosing someone else over me…he just didn't choose me. I guess having no one was a better option. So, while our friends were dress shopping, Marlene and I had made plans to order pizza, sit in our sweatpants, watch whatever was on TV, and drink beer.

We'd picked up a 24 pack of Bud Light a few days ago, and Papa John's was on their way with our order. With an awkward goodbye, Christina and Shauna left through the front door, Marlene and I giving a curt nod and telling them to have fun.

"I just thought he'd ask me, you know?" Marlene says with disappointment after she fetches us two more beers.

Sighing in similar frustration, I agree. "It kind of sucks being left out." It was a feeling I had grown familiar with since Christina and Will's relationship had formed. Even when I had dated Al, I never felt comfortable bringing him around our group of friends. Something about him just didn't mesh right, and I always wondered if it was because of Tobias.

I continue focusing back on Marlene's feelings. "I think Uriah just didn't want to have to worry about tending to a date. You know, introducing you and making sure you're enjoying yourself, getting you drinks…whatever. I don't think he's ready for that."

Interrupted by the doorbell, I hop up with the stack of cash, opening the door and thrusting it into the driver's hand in exchange for the pizza. He smiles, apparently happy with the amount, and makes his way down the porch as I shut the door.

"Do you think I come off as that type of date? Clingy and needy?" Marlene asks.

Opening the boxes right on our coffee table, we both dig into the breadsticks and pizza. "No," I sternly reply. "But formal is a different venue. There are a bunch of older alumni, and some of the older wives or girlfriends can be snarky." I shrug, since I've never actually attended. "I mean, that's what Christina has told me, anyways."

"Did he take anyone last year?"

"Last year he was so drunk he fell asleep at the table during the first speech."

Marlene's mouth falls open in shock. "What?!"

I laugh, remembering Christina's photos she'd taken since he was at her table, right across from her. "They had to wake up him up right away because he could have gotten into a lot of trouble, but he was wasted. And I bet he thinks that if he had taken someone, they'd have been so embarrassed or not known how to handle it."

"So, do you think he is thinking of me, too, and not just himself?"

I nod. "I do. Uriah might be immature, but he's not selfish."

Marlene is silent for a minute, taking a bite before she poses another question. "What about Tobias?"

I finish my beer and open another. "Let's stay off that topic."

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

When we arrive, the bar of the steakhouse is already filled with brothers and dates who arrived before the room opened. It's easy for us to slip right in, as most of the guys know each other from our years in college. Some are old friends who were active at the same time as Tobias, while some are older. They greet the guys excitedly, some surprised to see them but welcoming the shock. It's been years since they've seen each other, and I can tell that they're all pleased by their decision to return to our alma mater.

I keep my distance, letting Tobias make his rounds while I order a drink from the bar to occupy myself. The bartender is just sliding my vodka soda over to me when Tobias appears from behind, his credit card in his hand.

"We'll open a tab," he says, placing his free hand over mine to halt me from digging for cash. He orders his own Jack and Coke, then leans to whisper in my ear. "I told you, I got it tonight."

I let out a sharp breath. "And I told you, you don't have to." I'd attempted to argue to pay for my portion of the hotel room, which really wasn't all that expensive after being split between four people, but Tobias had insisted I not spend any money over the weekend in exchange for housing him for free. He'd paid for our ticket to attend and my drinks and dinner the previous night.

"I want to," he says as he stares into my eyes, and I allow mine to stay fixated on his for only a moment.

Dropping my gaze, I fumble with my purse, shoving everything back inside and zipping it quickly.

"I appreciate you," he says quietly. "And I just want you to know that."

I'm about to open my mouth and name off the ways he lets me know he appreciates me and my help, but instead I see a large hand clap him on the back and spin him slightly around, the two sharing a manly embrace.

"Do you remember Tris?" Tobias asks as he turns back to me after they share a short greeting.

The man nods, and I smile back, unable to recall his name.

"Todd," he reminds me. "Good to see you, Tris. So the two of you are…?"

"Roommates," I chuckle, after Tobias hesitates to respond. "For a while, anyways."

Todd gives a slight nod, eyeing Tobias to see his reaction to my answer. "Sounds interesting."

Tobias smiles at me. "Always is."

Changing the topic, Todd launches into the typical questions you ask when you haven't seen someone in years. Their jobs, current cities, and living situations are exchanged, and I stand by idly, sipping my vodka soda. It's not until a minute later that I notice Tobias's hand on my back, reminding me of his presence. I'm not engaged in their conversation, but it's a subtle reminder I'm still on his mind.

By the time they've wrapped up their conversation, it's time to head into the dining room. I've never been to an event here, but I know Tobias has. The setting is more formal than the rest of the restaurant, and the lights that hang from the ceiling make it seem more intimate. We find our table, round with 7 chairs, near the back. There are name tags on the seats, and I'm between Tobias and Uriah. Personally, I feel a little relieved that I won't be forced to sit by Christina who I can tell is keeping an eye on Tobias and I.

Before we know it, dinner is starting, and Tobias places another vodka soda in front of me before I even realize he's left the table. He just nonchalantly shrugs and doesn't let me comment, then turns to the waitress as she hands him a large dish to pass around for our family style dinner. I'm starving – and also need something in my stomach to soak up the vodka that's already making my arms tingle.

Dinner is delicious, but also filled with animated conversation not only between our tables, but also the tables surrounding us. Even the people that I'm not familiar with are friendly and welcoming, easing right into conversation and jokes as if we're all old friends. It's also loud – men constantly shouting out fraternity traditions as well as inappropriate and humorous comments. It's almost like we're right back in college as everyone appears to turn into young, drunk kids again.

There's a slew of fraternity traditions and speeches, Amar even gives a shout out to welcome back Tobias, Zeke, Will, and Uriah from the years they spent without visiting. The younger brothers run through several ceremonies and awards. When they finally finish, there's talking and a little dancing, but mostly more heavy drinking. It appears our table isn't slowing down either, as Christina, Shauna, and I head to the bar to grab another round of drinks.

I can easily see how much Tobias is enjoying tonight. Seeing his old friends and catching up with everyone has obviously raised his spirits. Despite him handling the separation from Lauren really well, I can tell he's stressed about other things, so I'm pleased to see him in a more typical Tobias mood.

When I return to the dining room, I find him talking with a couple younger guys. I make my way over, nudging his left arm slightly so I can slip his Jack and Coke into his hand without interrupting his conversation. Instead, he welcomes me in by taking the drink in his right and lightly looping his left around me.

He introduces me to Matt, Chad, and Peyton, following it up with an introduction to their conversation. "They're graduating this year, and thinking about maybe relocating to Chicago."

I smile. "Great idea. Chicago is an amazing place to live."

Tobias loops me in on the conversation, giving their majors and career hopes, and the guys are eager to hear everything Tobias and I can spill about life in the city.

"I have an internship after graduation," Matt admits. "But it's only for a few months, and if I don't have a roommate, I doubt I'd be able to afford a place."

"There are plenty of places that just rent rooms, especially in our neighborhood," I tell him, thinking about all the places in Wicker Park that advertise. "I bet you'd be fine."

"Where do you guys live?" Chad asks, the only one familiar with the city. Peyton and Matt admit they've visited a couple of times, but Chad grew up in Michigan, close enough for regular trips with his family.

"We live in Wicker Park," Tobias answers. "But the market is really tight right now, trust me." He rolls his eyes, probably thinking of his own apartment search.

"What's your work commute like?" Peyton asks. "I mean, you don't drive right?"

I wave him off. "God, no. We both take the El, which is public transportation. It's super easy once you get the hang of it."

"And a million times easier than driving anywhere," Tobias adds.

Matt looks at his friends, then asks how we all managed to end up in the same city together as he gestures to the table of our friends.

I shrug. "It just kind of happened." I can't really recall us ever discussing it as a group, but it seemed to work our perfectly when we all make it work out. It had taken a few months and several job interviews, but we'd all managed to find our way to the city.

"We always knew we'd end up there," Tobias says, looking at me. "We grew up in the suburbs, always loved the city."

"Yeah, it was easy for us, but Zeke and Shauna and all of them," I motion to the table. "They looked around, applied all over."

Peyton crosses his arms as he looks between us. "It's pretty crazy, you know, this feeling that it's about to be over. We spend four years living together and suddenly we're just…on our own."

"I mean…I'm happy to be single but now would be a really good time to have someone stable in my life," Chad says with a chuckle. "You guys are lucky you had that to lean on."

I open my mouth to correct him, but Tobias speaks first, his arm moving a little tighter around my waist. "Well, I'm lucky. Tris has always been the level headed, rational one. I'm more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of guy." He looks down at me, his eyes drinking in my face. "But it helps to not be alone."

Tobias's comment registers in my head and I realize that the guys must think that we're a couple. But, everything Tobias said is true. We both always knew we'd end up in the city, or at least we hoped for that outcome. And we were lucky to have each other, just as we still are. So, that's probably all he meant. However, I find myself leaning into him a little more than a friend would and sucking down the rest of my drink as we continue to discuss the city and the guys' future career plans.

By the time the event is over, it's clear that everyone in our group is drunk. However, being back at college appears to have given us all a strange burst of nighttime energy and when Amar announces that everyone is heading to The Terminal just two blocks over, we don't even have to discuss it. Our noisy, somewhat rowdy group heads towards the bar.

Despite being a Saturday night, we're able to find a couple of square tables in one corner, and our large group disperses into smaller ones. Some play darts, others mingle with people, and Christina finds her way to the small dance floor in the corner. I find myself being pulled into Tobias's lap as the seats fill.

"You're the smallest," Amar says as he shrugs at me with a mischievous smile. He slides me the drink he'd bought at the bar, and I shake my head at his comment. I've never been big on PDA, but the way Tobias moves and acts so casually, I can't help but I feel I belong here. With me perched on his right leg, his left elbow rests on the table, his body turned slightly. And it's after a few minutes that his right arm nestles in more securely against my waist, his hand resting just above my knee.

We find ourselves at the bar until closing, about three hours after we'd arrived. It's been ages since most of us have stayed out this late or drank this much, but my heart is full from the memories of such an incredible time in my life. College had been so freeing, and it was a time when I really got to know myself clearly. Reliving it for a weekend has been so refreshing.

TOBIAS – 8 YEARS AGO

Sitting at a table across from Will and Christina is enough to make me want to pull out my eyelashes. Will is a great friend, don't get me wrong, but I can tell Christina's opinion of me is based on what my relationship with Tris is at the moment. When she knows we've been messing around or hooking up, she'll eye me suspiciously from across the room and look distastefully at any woman I speak to. When I'm not involved with Tris, (or when Christina's in the dark about it) she treats me much nicer, socializing with me on a much friendlier note. It's odd because you think it'd be the opposite, but she's not your typical woman, I guess.

Will has come out and asked me, after a few weeks of dropping hints, why I hadn't asked Tris to formal. He knew I hadn't asked anyone, but I can only guess that Christina was the one digging for more info, and that whatever I said would get back to her – which also meant it would get back to Tris.

But as I look at Christina and Will, with their overly affectionate PDA and continuous pet names for each other, I think about how nice it would be to have Tris with me. I could nudge her knee with mine every time I hear the word 'baby', or secretly slip a finger up a slit of her dress to graze her thigh. Whatever she would have worn would have been sexy as hell, and I don't even know shit about ladies' formal wear.

I finish off another beer, putting the can in the center of the table and pulling forward the full bottle Amar had just brought me. He didn't have a problem, as most of the older guys, running down to get beer for those of us that are underage.

I had planned on inviting Tris in the beginning. There was no doubt we'd have a great time together. But, part of me worried that I was crossing the line of…the boundaries we had never set. A date? Was that going to push us into more than friends? I panicked over the thought of introducing her to people, of getting too drunk and being unable to keep my hands off her all night, and not being a very good date, seeing as I was on my 6th beer and dinner had just started.

When Uriah had told me that he wasn't taking a date either, relief washed over me. He felt similar to the way I did, especially because Marlene wasn't as familiar with our friends and fraternity brothers. He was worried that he'd have to spend time catering to her and making sure she was enjoying herself…and quiet frankly, there was a good chance he wouldn't worry much about her after beer 4 or 5. For being as immature as he is, Uriah can be pretty thoughtful and he really didn't want Marlene to come along and end up having a horrible time.

Christina shoots me another dagger of distaste, and I'm grateful when the food comes out, our plated meals being placed in front of us. A generous portion of steak next to a small portion of chicken. _Tris would have been so pissed_ , I think to myself with a smile. She hates steak.

 _Maybe it's a good idea she didn't come_ , I try to convince myself. _Maybe._

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

I wake up to an expected hangover, but an unexpected body tangled with mine. Despite the fact that I knew I was sharing a bed with Tris, my memory of the end of the evening is a little fuzzy, so I don't quite remember coming back to the hotel. I'm not unhappy to find Tris's head on my shoulder, her back pressed against me, my arm curled around the front of her body. My hand rests on her hip, almost as if I fell asleep with her and didn't want to let her leave my side. Subconsciously, that may have been it.

I haven't drank that heavily in a while, and I doubt Tris has either. I can't remember how many drinks I'd gotten us, but my bar tab was pretty high at the end of the night. She isn't stirring beside me, so I close my eyes and enjoy the silence, also in hopes of not waking her.

It doesn't feel like it's been much longer when I hear Christina groan in the bed next to us. "Fuck," she says loudly. "I haven't had a hangover like this in years." I see her sit up beside me and rub her eyes, taking a deep breath before she surveys the room. Her gaze eventually lands on me and Tris...and I don't miss the smug look on her face.

"You two had a good night." She gets up off the bed, making her way to the mini fridge. Tris had been the one to bring a 12 pack of bottled water, knowing we would all need it in the morning. Christina's movements and rummaging through the room as she makes her way to the sink seem to disturb both Tris and Will, who start to stir.

Will, rolling over onto his back, knows his girlfriend is the culprit of the noise. "Can't you be a little quieter?" he asks, knowing Christina is unable. He sits upright, looking towards the night stand between our beds. "What time is it?"

"Too early," I reply softly, despite the fact that Tris has already pried her eyes open a few times.

Will's eyes also land on us, but unlike his girlfriend, he keeps his comments to himself. Instead, he makes eye contact with me for a short moment before getting up from the bed.

The last thing I want to do is remove my arm from where it's wrapped around Tris, but she's the one who leaves the embrace. "How are you feeling?" she asks as she turns towards me.

"Headache," I shrug. "Could be worse, apparently." I nod my head in Christina's direction, as she continues to splash cold water on her face.

Tris laughs softly. "You alright over there, Chris?" and receives a middle finger in response.

"You seem to be just fine," I comment at Tris, who woke up with a smile on her face.

"I am, I guess." She shrugs and sits up and stretches her arms enticingly over her head. I admire the curve of her back and then the way that she shyly grabs her shorts and pulls them on under the blankets to hide from Will. I'm sure her T-shirt is long enough to cover her to her thighs, but Tris has always been more conservative with her body.

"A bunch of the guys are going down to the lobby for breakfast," Will relays after checking his phone. Almost immediately after he speaks, there's a knock on the door.

"I'm starving!" Zeke proclaims as soon as Will has the door ajar.

I push myself out of bed and my feet hit the floor. "We're coming."

We all take advantage of the lavish breakfast buffet to soak up the remaining alcohol in our systems and satisfy our hunger. Personally, the aroma of the eggs reminded me of waking up to Tris cooking breakfast some mornings before work, always saving me some over medium eggs for my toast. I notice how today she heads straight to the bacon, because despite her love for it, she never wants to cook it herself.

After we've all filled our plates, we begin eating in silence. Everyone is so engrossed in their meal that it's George who finally speaks up. "So, homecoming?" he poses simply, which makes some people groan and others laugh. Most of our group just exchanges glances and shrugs until Shauna speaks up.

"I think it's a great idea. Last night was so much fun, and a nice change of scenery."

A few more people speak up in agreement, but Tris remains silent and it weighs on me. Uriah also observes her lack of agreement and points it out.

"What about you, Tris? You in?"

She shrugs. "Yeah, maybe." As she looks up and notices him waiting for an explanation, she continues. "It's just a long way off…hard to make a commitment that far in advance."

"You love planning in advance." Christina chuckles as she shakes her head. "It's one of your hobbies."

"A commitment to go out of town is different," Tris says, and I can feel the tension building in her, despite her attempt to hide it.

It's Shauna who looks at Tris more cautiously, knowing she probably shouldn't continue the conversation. "Yeah, we'll just have to see," she casually responds.

Instead of replying, Tris leaves the table, heading back to the buffet despite her half full plate. I take a few more quick bites to finish off my food and then stack our plates, hoping to catch her alone. As I come up to stand next to her at the toaster, she doesn't turn her head.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I mean, there's nothing to talk about. This was like…a couple's thing. And by the next event, you could have a new girlfriend. So…" She shrugs. "I wouldn't be coming anyways. Why act like I'm for sure invited?"

She pulls her toast off the tray and starts to walk away, but I grab her arm. "That's _not_ true. You would definitely be coming."

"Like I did to formal in college?"

It takes me back, remembering the years I didn't invite anyone, and still failed to take her. I sat, wishing she was with, wanting her to be there, and still I never asked her to be my date.

"I'm not mad, Tobias. It's just…that's how it goes. No big deal." She moves around me to get to the butter, I spin around to face her.

"Tris, I was a fucking dumbass in college. Don't base where we are now, on what I did 8 years ago!"

"I'm just not expecting anything." Her knife runs over the toast slowly, like she is methodically spreading her jelly.

"Well, I want you to expect a lot more of me."

"It's not… like that. I mean, I had a great time this weekend, but once you start dating someone else, I don't expect to be your date. That wouldn't even make sense." She looks up at me and shrugs, then puts down her knife. "Don't worry about it."

My face falls. I had hoped that maybe this weekend would help open Tris's eyes to my feelings for her. I'd had such a great time the night before, and maybe I'd even been pretending in my own mind that she was my girlfriend. But instead, my plan seemed to backfire, and remind Tris that we have no commitment to each other past our friendship. And, it didn't help that formal happened to be an event in our past when I should have appreciated Tris more.

I know, as I have since college, that Tris has often been the single one in her group of friends. Christina and Shauna have been with Will and Zeke since college, while Tris hasn't had a steady relationship since…Peter. While she takes it all in stride, I've always tried to steer away from big, couple style events with the three of us, unless we add other friends who are single. Even when I was with Lauren, I never wanted Tris to feel left out or like she didn't belong. Instead, I would invite Uriah, a couple co-workers, and get Christina to involve a few other people.

I run a hand through my hair and think about how I probably just made Tris feel worse after the way we acted this weekend. Now is not the time, but I've got to get a move on telling her how I feel before I push her away even more.


	9. Chapter 9

**Unfortunately this chapter is a little bit shorter than the others. I just felt like it was the right place to end it. Hopefully, the next will be longer! Thanks for the reviews :)**

* * *

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

"What do you think?" Tobias asks me as I sit down on what has to be the 50th couch that week. After what ended up being weeks of apartment hunting and several visits, Tobias had finally signed a lease last week to a new apartment in the East Village, and he'd been so excited to move in…until he remembered he had no furniture. We've spent hours shopping almost every day after work for housewares, furniture, and small appliances, visiting multiple stores.

I'd finally convinced him that IKEA was really the only place we needed to go so we could stop hopping from store to store. Tobias borrowed a truck from a friend at the barber shop and we drove out to the Bolingbrook on Sunday morning. From the minute we walked in, Tobias was hooked.

"This is the one," I say, rocking back and forth to test the comfort. "I like it."

Tobias glances around at the piece of furniture and nods in agreement. "Alright. On to the next."

I check the list we'd made on my phone on the way here. At my advice, we'd made a list of the all furniture and household items Tobias needed. Then we'd prioritized them as to what he should buy today, like a bed, dresser, couch, and what could wait.

Tobias takes a photo of the small slip of paper, then goes back to our cart to wait for my direction. "Bedroom," I say, glancing at the list.

"Well, that's a direction I don't mind taking from you," he says with a sexy smile, and I can't help but laugh at him and shake my head.

Zeke had known a co-worker who was pitching a bed frame, so he'd snagged it for Tobias. He'd been fine with sticking to the basics for his bedroom for now, so we began scouting out dressers and mattresses. After the couch search, I know Tobias is going to lay on every mattress he can find, so I mentally prepare myself for how exhausting this search will be.

"I think this one is alright," Tobias says as he lays back on the 5th one he's touched.

I join him. "A little stiff."

He pushes himself up. "Ok…" he glances around the store and strolls around, pushing down on a few more mattresses.

"No," I say as I make my way to another area. "This one."

Tobias follows me, laying down on it next to me. "Eh."

"It's great!" I argue, only halfway agreeing with that statement.

"If I buy this one, does that mean you'll crash at my place sometime?" he asks, his face serious.

I turn, pausing. "What?"

"You know…it's just going to be different being away from you." His facial expression isn't clear and I can't quiet read if he's serious or not.

I decide to keep it light and humorous. "You could only be so lucky." I roll off the bed away from him and walk back towards the cart, pushing it through the bordering aisle until Tobias has made decision.

When we're finished in the bedroom section, we head to the kitchen area. The last section we'd checked as 'need now' was kitchenware. Dishes, utensils and basic cookingware was something he couldn't pass up. I'd helped him select a few small appliances from Amazon, but we were here for the smaller, every day items.

"So…did you not ask Lauren for anything, or did she not offer?" I finally pry. He'd shared some details, but not specifics of the conversation.

He sighs. "I didn't really want anything, and I knew she would want everything. So, both." He holds up a few utensils and I nod, so he tosses them into the cart.

"That's kind of her stuff, too. Do you really think you could picture that shit in an apartment in the East Village?" Tobias looks at me with raised eyebrows and a light smirk.

I can't help but giggle and think of the old Ukranian woman who lives next to Tobias watching him move in a white leather recliner. He's totally right.

"She was much more generous with money than I expected," he finally admits. "So I can't be mad about anything."

"That's nice that she did that." Although I had suspected Tobias got his fair share, I am surprised that he received more than he'd thought she'd be willing to give.

He picks up some sample dishes, weighing them in his hands before putting them back down to the pick up the boxed set. "Thankfully," he says as he hoists the box into the cart, "we had that meeting before you called her a bitch."

I grin back at the adorable smile he's giving me, and it reminds me of how defensive he'd gotten over Lauren's accusations to me that morning on the street. He'd ranted about her for a while, pacing sharply a few times before I'd turned the topic to going to his fraternity formal. The idea seemed to relax and excite him at the same time, reminding him that Lauren was in the past.

"So…are you done dealing with her? Or do you have anything to tie up?"

Tobias pretends he's washing his hands and then flings them away, like he's shaking them out. "Done," he says with a relieved smile.

"I'm sure that's a nice feeling," I admit.

Tobias picks up some random kitchen gadgets, holding them up questioningly. I point to a few and shrug at others, but he keeps going until he finds a few he needs.

"You know…Lauren's not a bad person, and she was really different when we started dating…but I don't know what made me think I should marry her."

"Well, it probably started out good," I say, remembering how I felt about Peter. "But remember, it's like that hole in the shoe." I reference the analogy he'd given me when he first left Lauren and came to my house.

He puts some small containers into the cart. "But it was never…what it should have been." His eyes linger on me for a moment, standing at the end of the cart.

"I know what you mean," I say quietly. Despite never being in a relationship with Tobias, I'd always secretly compared every man I'd dated to him. And I'd always compared relationships and connections to the ones I had with Tobias. Sure, there had been times that I'd seen positives in relationships despite the differences, but none had seemed to truly live up to the connection, the comfort and the confidence I felt with Tobias.

Tobias changes the topic. "But hopefully, after I buy all this shit, I'll be on my way to saving for my own shop." His eyes light up a little and I can see how thrilled he is at the possibility. "I mean, it would have been easier if I had stayed with Lauren…but now I'm going to know that I did it. Without her."

"I know you will," I say confidently. Tobias has been motivated to open his own shop since the day he graduated barber school. And now that he's figuring out his finances, I'm sure he'll figure out what he needs to put aside for his own business. "When you open it…can I be your first cut?"

Tobias laughs but doesn't commit to an answer, so I tell him I take that as a yes.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

Tris and I walk towards the IKEA restaurant, our cart full of random housewares and several photos on my phone of things to get from the warehouse when we're done. We park our cart and file through the cafeteria style line, Tris getting a Greek salad while I opt for the meatballs and mashed potatoes. Tris is first in line, so she pays for both of us before I have the chance to pay for myself, but she just shrugs and walks away.

It's been like that since formal, I think. Tris pays for things we do together in an attempt to repay me for the money I spent the weekend of formal. I didn't mind what I spent that weekend – I wanted to do it. But Tris didn't feel it was necessary, and now spends her time trying to repay me.

"You're about to buy a ton of stuff," she says as she puts her tray down on the high top style table. "It's just lunch."

I'll admit the meal was cheap, but I've been dragging Tris to store after store lately for her help with shopping. I have no idea how to decorate, or what matches, and what I even need. Her help has been huge, so I would have preferred to pay for her.

She hops up onto the chair and digs into her salad, taking a bite before continuing our conversation. "And I need to ask you for a favor now, so I figured I'd butter you up."

I roll my eyes at her desire to butter me up before asking me. "Anything you need, I'll do it."

"Well, Tori asked me if I would be up for some traveling," she says with a hint of excitement.

"Where to?"

"Different states…just little trips here and there in the next several months. Writing about different vacation spots."

"That's awesome, Tris. Congratulations." I know that moving out is going to mean we'll see each other much, much less, so I'm a little saddened that she'll be gone more frequently. However, it's a great opportunity for Tris and I know she loves to experience different parts of the country, so I'm sure she'll enjoy the experience.

"So, I take it you wouldn't mind stopping by my apartment every once and while when I'm gone? Just flip a light, grab my mail, stuff like that?" Her sweet smile hits me in the gut.

"Of course not. Are you traveling alone?" I'm sure Tris can handle it, but I wish she could take someone with her to enjoy it with.

She nods. "Yeah, but Christina and Shauna asked if they could tag along sometime, and I don't see why not. As long as I'm getting my work done."

"Hm. Maybe me one day, too?"

Her face breaks into a relaxed smile. "As long as you don't distract me."

* * *

Tris and I had taken all of the stuff we'd purchased at Ikea back to my new apartment in the East Village only to realize I had no dish soap to wash the dishes and no tools to put together any of the furniture. We'd set up the bed, only to remember that I hadn't bought bed sheets yet. Tris had laughed deeply once we'd realized our dilemma, her blonde hair dancing down her back as she found more humor in the situation than I originally had.

I'd been so excited to get everything together, and since it was one of my only days off, I was frustrated to have to wait a few more. When Tris noticed the disappointment on my face, she volunteered to take a half day on Friday to come and help me so we wouldn't have to wait an entire week. Despite being ready to jump at the chance, I didn't want her to adjust her schedule for me. But she insisted, because that's how she is. Selfless.

Zeke had helped me move the rest of my stuff from Tris's, so I packed an overnight bag with enough things to last me until Friday and headed back to her place for some more nights on her couch. I can't complain about the extra time with her, but it's getting harder and harder to hold back.

Friday morning I shop for the things we've now determined I need, and I meet Tris at my new apartment in the early afternoon. She's dressed casually since she's taking a half day, her jeans and graphic t-shirt making her look like she's right at home. Tris, despite Wicker Park bordering the East Village, and never spent too much time in my new neighborhood. She is excited for the change of pace in culture and residents from her own, and she adores old architecture and classic buildings. I'd already decided we could walk around and find a new place for dinner tonight – but I'm paying.

"Tobias," Tris says as she squints at the difficult-to-understand directions. "I think this board is what we need." We were already struggling to get through each step, the directions being unclear and lacking specifics.

I look at the pieces spread out before us that we will assemble to build the dresser. "Ok. Do I use these screws?" I ask as I point to the small piles of hardware.

She glances at the directions again, then nods. "Yes."

Together we put the board in place with the other pieces we've already assembled, screwing it in tightly.

"Ok…step 4," she says as she picks the piece of paper up, her legs bent underneath her.

I move closer to her to help her determine what piece we need next when I glance back at what we've assembled. "Tris? Is this…did we put this piece on backwards?"

"No!" she says, but then turns around. "Oh God! We totally did!" We both notice the small holes already in the furniture for the screws in the back.

I mumble, "Shit!" but Tris laughs at our mistake and shakes her head as I begin taking out the screws and then we reassemble together.

"Ok, now step 4," she resumes, leaning over to grab another piece of wood. "This one?"

I peer over her shoulder, enjoying the opportunity to be close to her, to confirm. "I think so."

We add it to what we've already assembled, and Tris picks the directions up again to move to the next step. After a moment, she sighs. "I can't find this piece."

Taking the directions, I glance around the floor and nod in agreement. "Did we get all the pieces out of the box?"

Tris moves over to the other side of the room where we'd discarded the packaging and looks through it. "Nothing left in here." She counts the pieces that still lie spread on the floor and the number we've assembled to confirm we received all of the pieces required.

We continue to look at the picture and the directions, and it's after several examinations that I realize we'd done the last step incorrectly – using the piece we needed now. "This fucking sucks," I comment as we remove another piece. "This thing won't even stand up when we're done."

Beside me, Tris just giggles as we find the correct piece, screw it on, and then add the original piece to the spot it really belongs in.

We get through two more steps before we think we put another incorrect piece and take it off, only to realize we originally were correct in what we did. I fall back onto my back, throwing my hands over my face to rub at the building tension in my forehead. I had thought Tris and I would get all this work knocked out and we could go to dinner, but now it's looking like this might be a multiple day project.

Tris, on the other hand, laughs heartily at our mistakes. "Tobias, come on! This is just…part of your next chapter!"

My eyes settle on her, the way her smile lifts her entire face, and with it, my attitude. She'd laughed so hard that small tears drip from the corners of her eyes, and she wipes them away with her fingers.

"We will laugh about this day for years to come," she happily reminds me. "And it may stop us from ever shopping at Ikea again."

I can't help the way I gaze at her, the way her laughter and her positive outlook allows my spirits to lift and stress to fade, and I barely even realize that words spill out of my mouth as I do so.

"I'm in love with you." I'd been holding them in for so long that I knew I was pushing it. The way I'd acted with her at formal, how flirtatious and physical I'd been more recently, she had to be expecting it. This wasn't how I wanted to tell her, wasn't what I was planning on…but I was bursting at the seams.

I notice the way her smile seems to grow at first, her cheeks slightly pinking. But then her face contorts into a look that I'm not so fond of, as it seems full of questions and doubt and even pain. My stomach drops to the lowest point it can, and I fumble for something to explain my word vomit.

"I didn't mean…I wasn't going to say it like this." She continues to stare at me, her mouth frozen. "I wanted to tell you the….tell you differently."

"I can't…do this again," she says softly, her eyes finding a spot on the carpet to focus on intently.

"Do what?"

"We're not….kids….anymore." Her eyes still focused on the same spot of carpet, she stands, stumbling over a few pieces of hardware as she moves toward the kitchen counter where her purse is set.

I follow her, determined to explain what I want, and how positive I am. "I know that," I say, taking her hands. "That's not what I want anymore."

She faces me, looking up at me sadly. "I've always been your second choice, Tobias, and I just…can't take it anymore."

"Tris, stop," I say urgently as she drops my hands and walks around me towards the door. "I have no doubts in my feelings for you now. I am completely in love with you."

She runs a hand through her hair and looks up. I hear her sniffle before I see the tears spilling out of her eyes. "I can't take this again," she says before she quickly slips out the door, closing it behind her.

I'm tempted to run out after her. To follow her down the sidewalk and tell her over and over again that I love her. But her comment about being my second choice was like a shot to the gut. That is how I've treated Tris over the years. And that's how it looks now, leaving Lauren and then proclaiming my love for her.

I remember the night I'd discussed my dilemma with Zeke, and he'd made a comment about how we both get hurt whenever we get into this in-between situations and then move on. I'd hurt Tris much more over the years than I'd ever thought. So right now, I deserve every bit of hurt her words have given me.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

I'm sure I look like a crazy person as I hastily make my way down the street from Tobias's apartment. My crossbody purse slung across my body, I walk as fast as I can and only glance back two blocks later to confirm he hasn't followed me – which is both a let down and a relief – so I can slow my pace a little. My stomach is aching – both from the fast pace and the rollercoaster of emotions I've felt in the past fifteen minutes. Tobias's words initially made me feel such elation I couldn't hold back the natural blush and smile that came to my face. I was tempted to crawl over to him and kiss the shit out of him…until I remembered all the times we'd done that, only for it to end the same way every time. Tobias would meet someone new before I did, without a doubt, and she'd pull his interest away from me.

Then, as usual, I'd be alone. Again.

I don't doubt that he loves me. I've always known he does, but I'm just not sure he loves me in the way he thinks he does. The way he tucked me into his side as we spoke to his friends at formal…the way I sat on his lap at the bar…those were new things for us, and I let my mind entertain the idea that something was brewing for him, but only for a moment. After everything we've been through – ten years of friendship, countless naked nights together, ups and downs of other relationships – it shouldn't take him almost marrying someone else to realize he's in love with me.

And besides, we've just rekindled our friendship after drifting apart. I know I'm beyond grateful to have him back in my life, and that's probably all his feelings are attributed to. He needed a sounding board for his problems and a place to crash, which I gave him. He's confusing his gratuity with his feelings.

And the way he said that he has no doubts in his feelings for me now, as if he's had them before. As if he's never been sure what he's felt for me, despite the fact that as much denial as I have spit out to myself, my friends, his friends, I have always known how much I have been in love with Tobias. I have never doubted that.

But what the hell, this would never work anyways. He literally just almost married someone else! How could I ever get over the fact that he was ready to commit to spending forever with someone, especially someone like Lauren? If he could get so close to doing that, how could he be so sure of his feelings for me?

He said he's in love with me, I repeat to myself, the thought bringing tears to my eyes.

"Hey!" a man says loudly as he stumbles behind me.

I hadn't realized I'd stopped walking down the sidewalk, making an abrupt halt in the middle of a crowd. "Sorry," I mumble back. Above me the CTA train rumbles and I suddenly realize I have no clue where I am. But instead of being concerned, Tobias's words repeat in my head.

"I'm in love with you."

I glance around, then follow the tracks until I arrive at the nearest CTA station. I know exactly where I want to go.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

It's a huge surprise when several hours later, my friends arrive with drinks, pizza, and cake. Apparently, they'd known what Tris and I were doing this afternoon and decided to bring over dinner and drinks to surprise, not knowing my intention to head to a restaurant in the neighborhood. But obviously, those plans didn't work out.

When Zeke sets down his case of beer, I don't hesitate to pop the top off one and take a deep drink.

"Well, thanks everyone," I say, trying to appear cool and collected.

"What the fuck happened?" Uriah motions to the still unfinished dresser that Tris and I had been working on. I'd been unable to focus after she left. I'd spend the first five minutes debating if I should have followed her (no – she wants her space) and then the next hour debating if I should go to her apartment (no – she definitely wants her space) and then the next three hours deliberating over the three text messages I wrote and rewrote before sending. The first one, stupidly, just said that I was sorry for upsetting her. The second one, a little less stupid, asked if she could please contact me when she was ready. The third one, which took the longest, told her that I would wait as long as I had for us to talk this out, and I wasn't going anywhere until then, because I love her.

"I thought Tris was helping?" Shauna asks.

"She was." I take another long drink and then rub the back of my head. "Then I, you know, fucked everything up by telling her I'm in love with her. She left."

"Left?" they ask in unison.

"More like…ran out the door? With tears in her eyes." I take another long drink, embarrassed I'm admitting this to a group of friends this large. Typically, I would save this for a more private conversation, but I've never been so panicked before.

No one replies. Shauna looks at Zeke, who looks at me consolingly. Christina bites her lip and darts her eyes from Will, to Shauna, to Zeke, to the floor. Uriah shakes his head and sighs. Will's the only one to speak up.

"So…where did she go?"

"I have no fucking idea."

"You didn't go after her?" Christina says with shock. "You told the girl you loved her and let her get away?"

My head sinks into my hands. "She left, Christina! And she won't answer my texts! So I figure she wants her own space right now. That's how she is.

"Where do you think she went?" Shauna asks Christina, who just shrugs. "She didn't call us, so I doubt she's out at a bar or anything. Maybe home?"

"I hope." Shauna pulls out her phone. "I'll text her to make sure." She types a quick message, then slips her phone back into her back pocket.

Uriah opens his own beer, then sits on the floor by the partially assembled bookcase. He picks up the directions and Will follows his lead, continuing to assemble the furniture.

I shake my head. "Guys, you don't have to do it."

"Someone does," Uriah says with a shrug, but he really knows that I don't give a shit about the damn dresser right now.

"Do you really…you know…love her?" Christina asks softly.

"I'm in love with her," I say, emphasizing my choice of vocabulary. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Have you guys, like, been hooking up?" Shauna asks, and Zeke nudges her. "What? I'm trying to assess the situation!"

"No," I say, dropping my head into my hands again as I lean my elbows on the bar. "Not at all."

"Even after formal?"

"I want to do this right," I explain. "I was waiting until I moved into my own place to tell her so there'd be no pressure with us living together. I wanted to explain to her how stupid I've been, how she deserves a way better man than me and how much I've grown up since then and what I've learned. But I just was watching her laugh and she was smiling and it just spilled out!"

"What'd she do?" Christina asks.

"Well she smiled for like...half a second, and then I thought she was going to throw up. Then she got up and grabbed her stuff and practically ran out of here. She said she can't do this again." I rub my hands over my face again. "I really fucked it all up!"

"But if she smiled…" Zeke lets his thought trail.

"That's a good sign," Christina adds with a confident nod.

"You guys don't get it." I breathe deeply in frustration. "She didn't even want to listen to me. It took her ten seconds to get up and run out the door."

"She's in love with you," Shauna says matter-of-factly, as if it's the most obvious statement in the world. "We all know she's in love with you."

I study her, in disbelief of what she's saying.

"You act like all of this is a surprise or a secret. It might be to you, but we aren't stupid." She glances around at our friends, and even Uriah and Will shrug and nod from where they are on the floor.

"Like I told you that night, you've been in love with her for ten years. But so has she. I think she just figured it out a hell of a lot faster than you, and that's why this is so hard for you." Zeke slides me another beer, as I'd already downed the first. "She's already fallen in love with and had to get over you, all without dating you."

"So what do I do? Is she going to come back?"

Shauna's phone pings and she pulls it out, taping on the screen to read her text. "Apparently, you just wait. Tris is leaving for North Carolina tomorrow."


	10. Chapter 10

**So, I just wanted to clear up a few questions left in the reviews. First, no, I have not written about Tobias and Tris having sex...yet. Second, no, Marlene did make it through to the present day setting. I didn't want the entire group of friends to be coupled off except for Tris, and I really didn't see a place for her character to develop more or continue in the story.**

 **And yes, BK2U, thank you for your review, as you hit Tobias's current state - and Tris's - right on the head.**

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

I lean back onto my beach chair, closing my eyes and concentrating on the sound of the waves of the ocean. I'm beyond thankful that Tori had a destination ready for me when I showed up at work yesterday. She could tell something was off, but promptly booked me a flight for the next day and told me to have a good time and enjoy myself. And work.

I had never written about traveling before, and I certainly wasn't a critic or an experienced reviewer. But Tori felt I would be able to capture the feel and the atmosphere in a way that critics couldn't. She didn't want to just hear about good food and great nightlife. She wanted to know what kind of feelings a place could evoke.

Right now, I'm feeling content, but only because I keep my mind on the sound of the waves and continually push Tobias out of my thoughts. His words…the look on his face. I still couldn't process exactly how I felt about it, so for right now I just wanted to avoid the topic all together.

It had taken me hardly any time to pack a suitcase and I was thrilled when my flight went smoothly, even if I had to take the tiniest plane I'd ever seen on my connecting flight. I landed in Jacksonville and despite the insanely compact airport, there was a rental car waiting for me because Tori could do anything she put her mind to. The drive to Topsail Island had taken a bit of time, but it wasn't anything I was complaining about. It was easy and I enjoyed the drive over the bridge and the view of the ocean. It was breathtaking.

I'd stopped at a small grocery store on my way in to grab some essentials, but Tori had encouraged me to eat at as many restaurants as I could find and visit attractions and (as long as I felt safe) bars and nightclubs. Reaching down, I grab the largely oversized water bottle I'd found in my rented townhouse. I'd bought a bottle of premixed margarita this morning and poured it over ice to sip on at the beach.

There was no need to get drunk, but the familiar warmth of the tequila took a little bit of the edge off and allowed me to relax and take in the sights of the beach. When I came down, I'd walked down far enough to get a feel for the atmosphere. There was a good mix of people on the beach, from families with children, to couples with dogs, to younger groups playing football and volleyball. The water was warm, an unexpected difference from Oak Street Beach in Chicago, and I had no problem going out in the water to cool off.

I lay on the beach for several hours in peace. I'd been worried I would be bored with no music or reading material, but I wanted to turn my phone off and unplug. This was the perfect location to do so. When my cup is drained and skin slightly tinted red, I pack up my stuff and head back to my townhome. The row of townhouses is just across the street from the beach, an easy and enjoyable walk. Once inside, I shower and dress for the day, deciding to hit the local aquarium a few towns over and then make my way back over to the island for dinner.

Because the nearest city houses a military base, the places I visit are crawling with young, presumably single young men. Most of them are fit and attractive, their short haircuts giving off a clean cut look. I don't want to sleep with any of them, but part of me wonders if I could even do that anymore. It was a typical tactic I'd resorted to in order to get my mind off Tobias in college, so maybe it would work again now.

It's on my second night, at a restaurant and bar called Beach Bums, that I realize I couldn't take advantage of that opportunity. It's the ultimate beach style restaurant, with outdoor seating and live music. So close to the beach, I can still smell the salty water as I walk in. The lively staff treats everyone the same, regulars or tourists, and the customers appear to be just as friendly towards others. There's a place for kids to play in the sand and an expansive menu, so I snap a few pictures as I walk to remember the details to write about later.

I take a seat at the bar since I'm alone, ordering a cocktail to start while I peruse the menu. The service is great, so it doesn't take long for me to order and eat. I'm finishing my first drink when a man leans on the bar beside me.

"Can I buy you another?" he asks.

"You can, but it doesn't mean you're getting laid," I reply thickly.

He laughs. "I didn't ask to get laid."

I sigh. "They don't usually ask," I say, thinking of how men typically expect one thing to lead to another.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I upset you. Wasn't my intention." He slaps a $5 bill onto the bar. "For your drink. And that's it."

He started to take a step back, and I look over to him for the first time. He's tall, built different from Tobias. Lanky and still somewhat lean, with a clean shaven face and tousled hair, like he'd just come from the beach.

"I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I appreciate the gesture…I didn't mean to be so hard on you."

"I just thought…you're here alone, maybe you'd like to join our group." He gestures to the other side of the bar, standing near the outside eating area.

I laugh internally, thinking about all of the dangerous possibilities that could entail with me 'joining a group' of people I don't know while drinking. He seems like a nice guy, but you never know.

"I think I'm-" I start off, until one of the members of his group turns around and his eyes meet mine.

Robert.

"Dating" Robert during our senior year of college wasn't anything to write home about, but it wasn't terrible either. He was a really nice guy, and we got along well enough to hang out regularly with a small group of friends. We started sleeping together probably out of convenience rather than attraction, but either way it'd been enjoyable enough for us to keep it going for a few months. After graduation we'd gone our separate ways, exchanging a few texts for the first year until that faded out.

He saunters over and by the time he's reached the bar, it's obvious his friend has gathered something is up.

"Stay away from this one, Ryan," Robert says to his friend. "She'll do a number on you."

"Oh shut it," I says with a laugh.

Robert introduces his friend Ryan to me, and when the waitress approaches again, Robert taps the bar. "Michele? Put her drinks on my tab."

"No!" I say, grabbing his arm. "You don't have to do that!"

"Tris, I haven't seen you in…y _ears_. And you randomly end up here. Come on."

"Thanks," I reply, defeated. "It's really nice to see you."

He motions to his group of friends, where Ryan had already returned. "No one should be sitting at the bar by themselves."

I follow Robert to his group of friends, and amongst the chatter of everyone else they manage to catch up with their lives. Robert tells her me moved to the coast three years ago, working for a property management company before managing to save up enough money to buy some vacation rentals. Turns out, the townhouses I'm staying in belong to Robert, along with a few others.

"Why'd you come out here?" I ask.

"I love the environment. The ever changing atmosphere. People come and go from everywhere. They bring their families, they get married here…and then new people come when they leave."

I nod. Robert had always been a very unattached person, from leaving college with a simple good bye, to being able to keep our relationship simple and uncomplicated.

"Still in Chicago?" he asks, which is where I was the last time I talked to him. I rehash the details of my job and what has brought me to North Carolina.

"Not married?" I ask, strictly out of curiously, as I pick up his left hand.

Robert can't help but laugh. "Nah," he says as he looks at the ocean and shakes his head. "It's not in the cards for me yet."

"Maybe someday," I answer.

"You and Tobias end up together?" he asks bluntly, as if he has no doubt in the answer being affirmative.

"What?" I say as my eyes snap to his. "What are you talking about?"

Robert's head snaps back. "Did you two break up…or am I bringing up a bad topic?"

"Why are you asking about Tobias and me?"

He drops his head down and shakes it lightly. "Because I always thought you two would end up together. There was so much to the two of you."

I stand, speechless, wondering why Robert is bringing this up two days after Tobias confesses his love for me, and years since he ever saw us together.

"I felt like I was real lucky when we started our little fling, or whatever it was, because you were just… _you._ And I mean it was great, we had fun, but I knew it wasn't going anywhere. And it didn't take long for me to figure out that he was it for you. I guess it's part of why it was so easy to walk away at the end of college."

"What are you talking about?" I whisper, stunned.

"I didn't mean to get all serious. I really thought the two of you were dating right after you moved to Chicago," Robert honestly admits, slightly avoiding my question.

"Why?"

He shrugs. "You guys just had this connection. It was obvious. I mean, I'd wake up in your bed, having just had sex with you the night before, and you'd check your phone, and there'd be a text from Tobias. And you'd smile in a way you didn't with me."

"Robert…" I start, feeling guilty I ever made him feel that way.

"Tris, don't apologize." He puts a hand up to stop me. "I knew we were just having fun. And I don't think any less of you for it." He continues on. "We didn't talk much after college, but you usually mentioned his name. I just assumed you guys had finally gotten together."

I chuckle. "It definitely isn't that simple."

"I guess it never is. But whoever ends up with you, Tris…shit. They're _real_ lucky."

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

My apartment is full of the furniture and housewares I'd bought and the things I'd unpacked, but I'd never felt more empty.

Aside from missing Tris's constant physical presence that I'd grown accustomed to, my chest ached at the thought that she possibly walked out of my life forever.

When we were in college, I knew that if I started dating Tris, I'd inevitably just fuck it up and break her heart. I wasn't ready or mature enough to be responsible with someone else's feelings. Fuck, I spent my freshman year hooking up with a lot more girls than I should have, and there was no way I would have been able to change just because Tris walked through the door. If we would have dated, shit would have been bad between us right from the start.

It's what I told myself over and over in college, and what I had told Uriah over and over the night day after Tris left, when he sat in my apartment assembling my furniture.

For a guy who was usually loud and boisterous, he sat and listened to me ramble on and on about things I normally didn't share. He couldn't fix my problems or tell me what to do, but listening had helped me vent my frustrations as I analyzed every fucking thing I'd done wrong with Tris. College had been one setting, but after we moved to the city and got settled into our lives, there's no real excuse for my lack of effort. I still had worried it would ruin our friendship, but two mature grown ups should have been able to figure their shit out. Actually, I should have been able to figure my shit out.

Besides craving her emotionally, living with her had been driving me wild, sexually. It'd been a long time since I had such a stretch without sex, and the urge to run my hand down Tris's body was growing every day. She was comfortable around me, so more often than not, she woke up and walked into the kitchen in her typical oversized T-shirt and underwear, as if her ass was calling me over to slip my hand under the shirt to grab it. The older we grew, the more Tris has grown comfortable in her body and I saw that confidence regularly, as opposed to when I'd only seen it in private.

Which sent my mind reeling, at times. I'd never treated Tris poorly, I knew that. But I had always taken more care and paid more attention to her in bed than I had anyone else, even Lauren. Fuck, sex with Lauren had been good…really good. But even when I was with her, there were still times when I was alone, that I finished to the thought of Tris on my hand...in my mouth…

 _Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me?_ That should have been a sign a long ass time ago. And because of how blind I am, now I'm stuck, torturing myself with memories of Tris.

TOBIAS – SEVEN YEARS AGO

"Well, thanks for the ride," Tris says slowly from the passenger seat of my jeep.

"Anytime. I'm glad you called."

Easter weekend had brought both of us home to see our families, and Tris had gone out with friends from high school. I'd been surprised to see her name light up on my phone, but when I'd arrived at the bar she'd been intoxicated and giddy, flirting with me in a way that I adored.

But she's drunk, and I'm not sure what she expects to happen here, in my car in front of her house.

"Is that…it?" she asks and I can hear the disappointment in her voice.

"What?" I reply. I'm not sure she wants to do this, that this is the right time or place.

She hesitates, her long hair hanging over her shoulder enough to hide the sexy curve of her neck. "I'll see ya," she says softly and pulls slightly on the door handle.

"Tris," I say, grabbing her wrist to stop her from opening the door. It only takes a second for her head to turn and I immediately cover her mouth with mine. I can feel the way she melts into my touch, her muscles relaxing under my touch.

I hate the center console of the car, keeping this distance between our bodies. But it's not long before Tris's hand snakes over to my lap, spreading over the bulge in my jeans that is straining so hard for her and growing more uncomfortable by the second. My hands roam over her in return, and she starts to unzip my pants. With the steering wheel in the way, it's hard for me to work them down over my hips but Tris manages to get my cock out, pulling it free.

She leans over further, her mouth reaching for me. My hand slips down her back to her ass. She can't quite reach me the way I want her to…and the way I knew she wants me. I tap her shoulders and urge her up, then kiss her before I nod towards the back seat. "Wanna go?"

With no hesitation in her eyes, she follows me to over the console and to the back seat, where I pull her on top of me to grind her hips down on me. I slip my hands up her skimpy tank top, the one that made me instantly jealous when I walked into the bar and knew everyone could appreciate her curves that are under the clingy material. I move her bra out of the way and suck a nipple into my mouth, playing with it with my teeth while Tris attempts to grind her hips harder on me, her jeans providing a thick barrier between us.

I turn her over onto her back and cover her body with mine in a slow kiss before I make my way down to pull her jeans off. Despite our location and our need to be quiet, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to enjoy her body.

She gasps when my mouth is between her legs, and I ignore the way the door is digging into my ass and the painful arch I'm keeping in my back for us both to fit in the backseat. My fingers sink into her and she moans again, but I notice that she throws her forearm over her mouth to muffle them.

"No," I say, pulling her arm away. "I want to hear that."

Her eyes are wide at what I'm asking, so I reassure her. "We just need to keep it down."

I watch her eyes flutter back closed as my mouth is back on her, sucking her in the right places and moving my fingers exactly where I know they need to go. Quickly, she's writhing beneath me and it causes me to shudder.

"Goddamn," I whisper, savoring the way she's moving under my mouth.

Her nails claw at my arm, and despite the way she's wiggling away from me, I hold her in place. "So…good…" she whispers breathlessly.

"I can't wait to feel it," I whisper back, but return my mouth to her immediately.

And that does it. She comes undone, wetting my fingers and my hand with her orgasm, dripping down onto the back seat. Without a doubt, I'm going to think about her every time I look back here from now on.

After she rides it out, her breathing is still ragged, but she pushes herself up, reaching over to push my jeans and boxers down the rest of the way. Her eyes light up at the sight of me, and I know she's dying to return the favor.

I sink down to the seat, turning so I'm resting against the back of the seat instead of the door. Tris angles her body so her mouth hits me just the right way. She doesn't start slow or build up, she goes all in, sucking me in her mouth hard and deep right from the start. I know this isn't going to take long, so I reach my hand down to cup her ass from where her body rests on the seat next to me and enjoy the way she lets a content groan out around my dick.

She keeps her mouth on me, maintaining contact with me for what feels like an ungodly amount of time. No one knows exactly how to work me the way Tris does. It's not long before I let out a keep grunt, nearing my release. I put my hand on the back of her head to let her know not to pull away. She gets the hint and takes me as deep as she can into her mouth and it sends me over the edge, spilling into her mouth as I whisper a few choice words.

When she feels she's done, she sits up, running a hand through her hair.

"Damn," I whisper as I look at her, reaching forward to kiss her softly. "That was good, Tris."

She grins. "I can't complain either."

I don't move, my body still tingling from the sensations she sent through my body. We sit in the back of the car for a while, talking about Tris's night while my hand roams her body. I brush her thigh, run my fingertips over her ass, and brush them through her hair. If we weren't in my car, I'd probably suggest another round. It's almost 4 am and we'd been at this for way longer than I'd anticipated.

Eventually, Tris exits the car and grabs her stuff from the front seat. I follow, walking around to the side of the car to say goodbye, putting my hands on her hips and giving her a lingering kiss.

"I'm glad you called me," I confess. "And not just cause of that." Tris's childhood home isn't in the best neighborhood and I'd hate to see her walk or get a ride from someone who was irresponsible.

She nods. "I'm glad I called you too. But mostly, because of that." Her grin is mischievous, and I lean forward, kissing her again. It must light the same fire in her that I feel in my own abdomen, as her fingertips reach into the front of my jeans and brush over my hardening dick.

"You're killing me," I say with clenched teeth, my forehead against her.

"See ya later," she says before kissing me softly, withdrawing her fingertips, and walking towards her front door.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

Grabbing my suitcase, I walk through the airport at a leisurely pace while everyone around me hustles, all in a hurry to get somewhere. I might have been in the same hurry if Tobias was still at my apartment, full of excitement to see him after several days apart. But instead, I am going home alone.

The trip had been exactly what I needed, in a sense. I'd spent hours laying on the beach, and after running into Robert, he showed me around to a few local places and gave me suggestions for some others. He was even able to introduce me to the owners of some establishments, giving me insider tips so I could write informative and proper reviews. In a way, being around Robert had reminded me of who I was when I was younger, before I worried about being alone forever.

He'd offered me an open invitation to come back whenever I wanted with a hefty discount on one of his townhouses – which he promised he'd have more options of by the time I planned another trip. I wanted to take him up on his offer – I could only imagine living life so close to the ocean, having a house constantly full of sand and the lingering smell of salt. The thought was tempting, the idea of starting my life over here could maybe give me something I needed.

But as soon as I hopped on the El, I knew I was where I belonged. Chicago had called me since I was a child, always craving more trips to the city and a lifestyle that involved public transportation and walking instead of driving. I couldn't run from this issue with Tobias, and I knew deep down I didn't want to.

I had managed to text him after I left, a simple reply letting him know I was traveling for work and we would talk when I was ready. I owed him that, after his multiple pleas and semi-apologies. I didn't appreciate how he'd blindsided me, but how many times did I almost blurt out the words of my feelings when we were younger? I'd never been open and honest with anyone like I was with him…except for that one thing. Our feelings.

* * *

My next day at work is filled with writing reviews and a recap of my trip, followed by Tori critiquing and editing them. We'd spent over an hour discussing the trip and her asking me to recall some of my favorite things and experiences. I'd visited countless places while I was there, my days jam packed when I wasn't lounging on the beach.

I'd stayed late to wrap up my work, not wanting a single detail to fade from my memory, and it wasn't until I'd shut down my computer that I noticed the time. It was already late, and I wouldn't have any time to head home before the pre-planned dinner I had with Christina and Shauna.

Our meal started out simple, as I told him about North Carolina and lounging on the beach, surprising them when I said I ran into Robert. Christina had hungrily agreed to take him up on his offer to visit again, her eyes lighting up at the idea of a lazy week vacation in the sand. Eventually, our conversation turned right to where I expected it to – Tobias.

I didn't know that they had shown up at his apartment that night as a surprise. I had no idea any of them were planning that. I have to admit I'm thankful, seeing the panic on his face as he tried to explain himself while I practically sprinted out of his apartment.

"How many times do you think I've been here?" I explain. "Way too many. He always comes back to me when he's broken up with someone. It's what we do."

"Yeah, but has he ever told you he's felt this way?" Shauna asks.

"No, but he only thinks he does because he almost married Lauren. It was a pretty drastic change of his life path. And now he looks at me, and he sees comfort and security and _that's_ what he's attracted to right now."

Christina shakes her head. "You're not even going to let him explain himself?"

"I…" I hadn't thought of this part. Of course I needed to talk to him if I expected our friendship to make it through this. But could it possibly remain the same?

"You're in love with him, too, you know," Shauna says as she crosses her arms over her chest. "And to be quite honest, it's been hard on the rest of us to watch you two play this game back and forth. When we were younger, yeah we were worried you'd get hurt. But we _all_ knew how you both felt even if you wouldn't admit it."

I start to argue her but she holds a hand up.

"Personally, after we all ended up here, I thought it was just a matter of time before you and Tobias became a thing. But for some fucked up reason you never did, and he almost fucking married the wrong person! And we've had to sit here and watch you date assholes like Peter or be sad and lonely because you haven't been with the one person you belong with! And these past few weeks, the two of you together… we've all seen the change in both of you. How happy you are." She takes a deep breath, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "Give yourself a fucking chance to be with someone who makes you feel that way."

For the first time, I realize how my relationship with Tobias has affected our friends, which shamefully had never occurred to me before. She's right – they have had to watch me fumble through other relationships because I never found a connection with anyone the way I did with Tobias.

"He would never take this step if he felt he wasn't sure. He wouldn't do that to you," Christina defends. "Maybe he didn't say it at the right time, or the right way, but don't you think he's nervous, too?"

I think back to the night I'd caught Peter cheating on me. How I went to Tobias's, and how he'd whispered everything I needed to hear, but not only because I'd needed to hear it, but because I know it was how he felt.

And then I remember the words he'd said to me when I'd invited him home not long afterwards. ' _I don't want to be that guy Tris. The guy you're with to forget about him.'_ Tobias has had these same fears as I have, all along.

Fuck. I hadn't even stopped to consider that Tobias could be just as worried as I am about how this ends up. That he's worried that I may reject him. But Christina is right – he'd never take this step if he wasn't positive of his feelings this time.

I finish dinner with them, managing to dodge more conversation on the topic but my mind also reeling with the thoughts of Tobias and thinking about what I need to say to him. I don't miss the smug look Christina and Shauna share when they catch me zoned out, unable to answer their questions. They know they've finally got me.

When we're finished eating, I find myself on the El heading towards Tobias's new apartment. I'm still not sure what I'll say or how I'll initiate this conversation, but I feel the need to talk to him in a way that makes my chest ache, and I'm not sure I could survive a night and an entire work day with the knots in my stomach. And, I might just talk myself out of my confession during that time span.

As I come up the street to his building, I enter through the main door, Tobias had given me the code when he'd originally moved in. I hear muffled voices as I make my way up to the second floor, but when I turn on the stairs and see a woman turning away from his open door, my heart stops. Midway up the steps, I freeze. My mind is screaming at me to run, to get away before he can see me, but I can't.

The woman barely glances in my direction as she makes her way down the stairs. I look her up and down – her cropped dark hair cut showing off her high cheekbones and her curvy hips moving from side to side as walks past me. _Fucking stupid!_ I think to myself, wondering why I ever imagined this would be different.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ahhh! Sorry this took a bit longer to get posted. Going back to work has made life a LOT busier and I won't have nearly the same amount of time to write. But, I won't abandon the story, even if I go quite a while between updates. Apologies in advance. Hope you enjoy :)**

 **Also, I didn't do a full proofread like I usually do, so sorry for any errors!**

* * *

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

I feel his gaze on me as I turn my head back towards his door. Tobias is standing there, and his eyes are latched on to me. It's apparent he's just as shocked to see me as I am to see this woman, as his mouth hangs slightly ajar.

"Tris," he says softly, like he can't grasp I'm real. I stand, rooted on the stairs, unable to move in either direction. Instead, I just glance back at the woman leaving and it's then that Tobias realizes what it looks like. "No. No, no, no, no! This is not what it looks like."

He comes out of his apartment and grabs my hand, hauling me up the stairs despite the feeling of lead in my feet weighing me down.

"What is it?" I ask, pulling my hand away quickly when I finally snap out of my haze.

"Will you come inside?" he asks as he glances around, probably hoping the woman left and no one is around.

I don't move.

"She's from Craigslist," he says quietly.

My brow furrows, hoping it's not what I'm thinking. "You fucking met a woman off of Craigslist?!"

He shakes his head, pulling my hand again and pushing open his apartment door. "Only to _buy this bookcase!_ She lives two buildings down, so we carried it up here together." He motions to the bookcase now in the middle of the room, and I know he didn't own it before.

"Oh." I can't say anything else, now feeling stupid and embarrassed. "I thought…"

"I know what you thought." I can tell the unsaid accusation bothers him, but he knows he has no right to be offended by it. "There's no way I could do that, though. Not to you."

"Are you serious?" I ask, shocked that he's oblivious to all the times he's done just that.

Instead of responding, he stares at me blankly, waiting for me to elaborate.

"You've done that to me _so many_ times." When he still doesn't respond, I continue. "We hang out, we hook up, you tell me how amazing I am…and then someone else comes along."

"I was trying to wait to tell you my feelings, precisely for this reason. I wanted to move out first, for sure, so I wasn't like, suffocating you or making it awkward. And I planned on having all this shit to say to make you believe me, to make you understand how honest I was and why this time is different. But I'd been holding that in for so long that I couldn't help it."

He runs a hand through his hair and groans at himself, angry that he didn't follow his plan. "I was getting so frustrated with that damn furniture and you were laughing and keeping the mood light and then you just looked so fucking beautiful that I couldn't take it. It just came out, and it apparently was not what you were ready to hear."

He paces around the living room, rubbing the back of his head. "I know how it looks. I just broke off my engagement, we're spending all this time together…it looks like I'm rebounding. But that's the last thing I'm doing, I swear to God, Tris. And when you said that, when you said you've always been my second choice, it was…all I could think about is how big of an asshole I am."

"You're not an asshole," I interject, because that wasn't my intention when I made that comment.

"I'm not being self-deprecating. It's just, that was never, never my intention to ever make you feel that way."

"I know," I say softly. I've never seen Tobias spill so many raw emotions in such a short time, and it reminds me of what Christina says. _He wouldn't do this unless he was sure._

"I was young and a fucking moron in college, alright." He continues pacing, alternating between rubbing his forehead and the back of his head. "Tris, I would have been a shitty boyfriend and you deserved way better than what I could give you back then. Every time I had to watch you date someone else, I was jealous as fuck! Even when I saw other guys talking to you, all I could think about was how they better have known how damn lucky they were."

"But we got older and I never stopped being a fucking moron, I guess. I don't know why I've – why _we've_ avoided this. How the fuck did I almost marry someone like Lauren when YOU have been right in front of me for ten Goddamn years?!"

"Tobias." I reach for his hand and pull him to sit with me on the couch. His frantic movements are spreading anxiety and I need to reel him in. "Why now? I need to know what's different."

He stares at me for a moment, his eyes not leaving mine. "You remember how stressed and sad I was when I came to your apartment? I spent just a few days with you, and I was happier than I'd been in years, because that's the effect you have on me, on my life. You always have. I always told myself that we were good friends with strong sexual attraction, but I had it all wrong. We were good friends with a foundation for a strong relationship, because I've never gotten from any woman what I get from you – support, honesty, comfort…love." He emphasizes the last word as if he knows exactly how I feel.

"And God…every time we drift apart, you come back into my life and it's like…like part of me is back in place. Just having you with me…it's like you're meant to be in my life. Fuck, I can't even explain it. Am I even making sense? When you're around me, Tris, I see you. I've always seen you, since the day you walked up to me in that nasty ass basement. But now, it's like I see you, but damn does my soul feel you."

He lets out a long, shaky breath, and I know what he just shared had to be difficult for him to articulate. We're quiet for a while, and then I have to ask him something.

"How do we know what this will work?"

"I used to think that too. I wondered what would happen if it didn't work, how we'd go on from that. But really Tris, how could it _not_ work? I've loved you for ten fucking years. Ten years! If we didn't love each other, we wouldn't have wound up naked together so many times, and still been able to maintain the most solid friendship I've ever had." He shakes his head softly. "I have no doubts this would work, because I want you."

"You were supposed to get married next month. To someone else." I can't help but remind him that he almost made that lifelong commitment to someone else, who wasn't me.

"And what I thought I felt for her, or maybe what I did feel, at some point, doesn't come close to what I feel for you. What I've always felt for you."

"I've always had a list of a million reasons why we're wrong for each other," I confess. "When we were younger…and now."

"And there probably are a million reasons, Tris, but they're not as strong as the reasons why we would work. Because we've gotten each other through a lot of shit in the past. And quite frankly, you think we haven't been 'playing house' the last few weeks just a little bit? When we were at formal, you don't think I was dying to be able to claim you as my girlfriend and not just my date? I couldn't keep my fucking hands off of you! Imagine what we'd be like if we committed to each other, to us! But I can't live without you. So if you want to tell me to shut up and never bring the way I feel about you up again, I'll do it for you. If being friends is the only way that I can keep you around, fine. But every time I'm around you, I'm going to admire the way your eyes light up when you laugh and the thoughtful look you have on your face when you're having that internal debate. I'll never forget that for ten years I was lucky enough to enjoy parts of you that most men don't. I'll still keep every secret and every confession private. And I'll be here, always, for –"

"Stop talking." I crawl across the couch to close the space between us, pulling Tobias's face towards me and pressing my lips to his. "I know," I mumble against his mouth. "I know you love me."

He kisses me back greedily, like he's been itching to do this for weeks. He probably has, judging by his confession. And to be honest, I have to. I scoot as close to him as I can, but he picks me up and pulls me on top, my legs straddling him.

"I promise," he says when he pauses to lean his forehead against mine. "I'm not going to fuck this up."

"Me neither," I promise in return.

TRIS – FOUR YEARS AGO

I'm not sure how I wound up in Tobias's bed tonight, but I don't mind the way his body is moving against mine as he peels off my clothes. Going out with Christina had been fun and distracting from the real world, but I much more enjoyed the way Tobias's fingers were dancing across my body than any potential amount of tequila shots – even if they were free.

I'm not sure what he mumbles, but for some reason it grabs my attention and I ask him to repeat.

"What did you just say?"

He leans forward and kisses my neck. "Nothing," he breathes against me.

"Did you say you want to have sex?" The thought throws me for a loop, because in all our countless nights together, Tobias and I have never slept together. Christ, it took two years for us to even kiss! And I won't lie – it's been on my mind countless times, wondering how incredible it would be for us to finally be together like that, since everything else he does to me is mind-blowing.

"Yeah…I mean…I was thinking about it," he admits softly.

"Ok…" I let out shakily. Deep down, I'm excited as I possibly can be, but I don't want to jump for joy and embarrass myself.

He moves my hips so he can get up off the bed, going to his closet to get a condom.

I squeeze my own hands nervously as he comes back to the bed, pulling me on top of him. Thankfully, I shift some weight onto my hands and hope that it subdues the shaking. I'm unbelievably nervous, and desperately hope he doesn't notice.

Tobias takes the lead, adjusting my hips so I'm hovering over him, and then lifts his hips while pulling me down onto him. He sighs when he's fully inside of me, but I can't help the awkward fluttering in my stomach.

"Is this going to make things weird between us?"

A soft chuckle emerges from him. "Maybe, since you're talking about it." His hands urge my hips up and down and I move tentatively.

"I just don't…I feel like this is…I don't know it's kind of – "

"Tris."

"What?"

"Stop talking." He locks eyes with me, stilling our movements while he tries to read my emotions. "Do you want to stop?"

"Well, no." I reply softly.

"Do you want me to take over?"

"Yeah," I admit with a slight nod.

He rolls us over so that he's hovering on top of me, and it's only then that I notice how awkward Tobias's movements are. His hands, usually moving fluidly across my body, now move hesitantly.

Our mouths meet, and I hope that kissing him will make the situation more relaxed. But instead, neither of us seem to find a rhythm and we pull away.

I don't want to stop, but at the same time my mind is running in circles wondering what I can do to make this more comfortable. Tobias is quieter than usual, so I can only guess that his mind is filled with similar thoughts.

Eventually he flips me over so I'm on all fours, probably knowing from conversation that I like this position, just like I know it's his favorite as well. But still, I can't shake the nagging feeling inside of me or the lack of enjoyment. It's shortly after that he finishes, and when he's moved from behind me I sit down awkwardly, unsure of how to handle the situation.

Silently, he pull his briefs back on while I grab my underwear and shirt, following his lead.

"That was…" he begins, scratching the back of his head as he sits next to me.

"It was…" I trail off.

He pauses, just as unsure of his words as I am. "I…uh…"

"It wasn't what I was expecting," I admit.

Thankfully, he lets out a laugh. "Yeah. I could tell you weren't enjoying it."

"I was!" I say in apology. "I mean, I totally wanted it. I don't know why it got all awkward."

"I was really nervous," he admits. "I guess because it's you, and everything else we do is so hot…this had better be real good, you know?"

Both of our clothes back on, he lays down on the bed, pulling me to his chest. "Can we just pretend that never happened?"

"I think that's a good idea," he says as he kisses my forehead. "In fact, I have no idea what you're talking about now."

"I'm glad we agree."

"You know…I'd never let that change us, though. It couldn't ruin our friendship."

A smile spreads across my face. "I know you wouldn't."

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

The minute Tris kisses me, I'm done for.

I can't believe she happened to arrive at the exact moment some random chick was leaving my apartment and assumed the worst. The look on her face and the pain in her eyes just reminded me of exactly what I don't want to do to her – what I swear I will _never_ do to her.

Even though I'd rehearsed what I would tell her countless times, I still blabbered on like a complete moron until she forced me to tell her exactly what she needed to know. And then she kissed me like she ached for me in the same way I ached for her.

There's no doubt in my mind what I want to do with her right now, and I hope we're on the same page. As intuitive as I usually am with Tris, I know that I cannot fuck this up. We kiss for a long time, our bodies entangled as much as they can be. It's Tris who eventually reaches for my shirt, pulling it up over my head and silently giving me the go ahead to take things to the next level.

I don't have to be told twice to reciprocate, and slowly we relieve each other of our clothes, taking the time to savor every part of the other person. It's been years since we've been together, and I have no problem checking to make sure every curve and every angle are exactly as I remember them. Apparently, Tris doesn't mind either.

Eventually I stand up, carrying Tris to my bedroom while she stays wrapped around me. We make it to the bed, and I lay her down gently, hovering over her because I can't – nor do I want – to pull away from her.

I groan when I realize I have to rummage for a condom, not having remembered exactly where I'd put them. We both get up to search, and despite being stark naked, we dig through boxes and open drawers.

"Fuck," I mumble as I toss around the contents of my dresser drawers.

"Did you buy them recently?" she probes, obviously not wanting to hear the details of why I have them or how I acquired them.

"Um, yeah…a while ago."

"Oh." She abruptly turns to end the conversation, halting her search.

"I bought them for you. I mean, just as precaution."

"When?" Her head turns to glance at me over her shoulder, just as I find one mixed in with my socks.

"Before we went to formal," I admit. "I wasn't expecting anything. To be honest, I didn't want to do it like that. I was waiting for…this." I come up behind her, putting my hands on her shoulders and running them down to her hands, lacing my fingers with hers. "But I knew we'd be drinking, I saw the way you looked in that dress before we left. I just wanted to be smart."

I can see the goosebumps that slowly appear on her arms, and I move my hands to her hips, pulling her back against me so she can feel the erection that's there for her. Leaning down, my breath hot on her ear, I speak softly. "They were never for anyone else." She sighs, visibly relaxing at my confession. "And they'll never be for anyone else, from now on."

Her body fully relaxes into mine, and I take that as my cue to continue what we were doing on the couch, letting my hands explore her until I can feel she's weak in the knees. We make our way back to my bed, and her eyes smile as I roll on the condom.

She welcomes me between her legs, and her hands find their way to my upper body as I push into her slightly. Briefly, I think back to the only other time we had sex and vow to make this better. I push in deeper and she gasps at the feeling.

"You ok?" I question, and she nods.

"Yes." Her voice is light and relaxed, a signal that she's enjoying this.

Once I'm fully inside of her, I let out a deep groan, the feeling of her wrapped around me almost sending me into complete ecstasy right now. But instead I grit my teeth and force myself to begin moving, rocking in and out of her at a slow, comfortable pace.

"You feel amazing," I manage to get out while trying to stay composed.

Tris lets out a low moan, pulling my body impossibly closer to hers. "God…" she mumbles out softly, while I continue moving and we reach a comfortable, savory pace together.

I whisper to her all the things I should have said a long time ago. I tell her how I love her, how incredible she is, and how lucky I am to have her.

Her nails start digging into my shoulders, her fingers wrapped tightly around me. Eventually she whispers into my ear, "Make me come, Tobias."

Grunting in agreement to that, I move my hips a little, changing the angle and hoping I'm hitting the right spot. Years ago I would have been able to find it immediately, but now I hesitate to be so confident. I've got to do this right.

Her throaty noise she makes and the way her head moves back tells me that I am doing what I was hoping, and I urge her to come, dying to feel her around me while she does. And when she does, I can't hold back anymore. The feeling of her clenching around me, her muscles mimicking the way her limbs are clenched to me is unlike nothing I've ever felt before. I am never letting her go.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

I wake up in a lazy fog to the next morning, Tobias's body wrapped around me from the back. We'd stayed up quite late last night, making love again and being together in a way that was new but comfortable. Tobias had scrolled through Netflix because he hadn't gotten cable, and we half watched TV while talking about nothing and cuddling and never taking our hands off of each other.

Most of those activities we'd done countless times. Cuddling, talking, and getting naked. It feels like I can't remember a time in my life I wasn't doing that with Tobias, and I almost had to keep pinching myself in reminder that this wasn't going to end after we woke up. And that I wouldn't have to wonder and wait until the next time we could be together.

Knowing that there's a coffee pot in Tobias's kitchen, I slide out of bed without waking him. I pluck a t-shirt of his from an open box and pull it on, unsure of where my own clothes even are. I'm quiet in the kitchen, trying not to wake him. I intend on slipping back into bed to get a little bit more sleep after I get the coffee started, that way when we get out of bed, it'll be ready for us. In all the time that Tobias stayed at my apartment, we'd developed a morning routine. The first one up, which was usually him, started the coffee. He'd get in the shower after, during which I would wake up. I'd pour us each a cup so it would be cool enough to drink by the time we each got out of the shower, and then we'd drink them and eat breakfast together. It was oddly domestic, but such an enjoyable way to start the day, moving in sync with another person.

It doesn't take long for me to make my way back to the bedroom, thinking about continuing that routine with him as frequently as possible. I'm not sure exactly how we'll fall into this relationship since we've skipped so many basic steps when it comes to dating, but that's the last thing I want to think about when I reenter Tobias's bedroom and admire his naked form sprawled out on the bed. Gently, I climb in next to him, pressing against him as much as I can, to which he instantly responds.

His arms move to pull me closer against him, his mouth letting out a deep sigh of content. I move flush against his body and I feel myself start to doze just as Tobias's hand runs across my stomach to my hip and down the curve of my ass. I can feel the goosebumps forming at his touch, so I push back slightly into him.

But then his phone is buzzing loudly, and I recognize the sound of his alarm.

"Goddammit," he mutters, while I manage to mentally mutter the same word. He flops back to silence it, and then rolls back towards me, his hand finding exactly the place it last was. "I've always loved your ass," he murmurs into my hair.

I can't help but giggle. "I know."

He presses kisses against my shoulders and my neck. "I have to work today," he says softly. "I'd rather stay right here." He pushes his hips forward so I can feel his hard erection, and I desperately agree.

"Mmmm. I'd let you stay there…all day."

I can tell that does it for him, as one hand wanders to my breast while the other moves around my hip to find its way between my legs. He's just about reached my clit when the phone buzzes again, loudly.

"I gotta get up." Despite his need to get out of bed, I feel his hands returning to their former positions.

"If you have to get going…you should," I say as I reach a hand back to thread through his hair, simultaneously giving him more access to my chest.

His hand slips into my underwear, his fingers finding how aroused I am by his simple touches. "This won't take long," he whispers roughly. Working me with his fingers, he's exactly correct. It doesn't take long for him to get me off. He kisses me soundly on the back of the next and then rolls away, preparing to get in the shower. But I follow him, clearly having other plans than just cleaning up.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

There's very little that's been able to throw my mood off lately, and that's mostly because my evenings, nights, and mornings have been occupied by Tris. Work separates us during the day, but without having to make plans, we've ended up together every evening since and haven't slept apart since. I know this isn't convenient or reasonable to continue like this forever, but right now it just feels…right.

There are still conversations that need to be had, and difficult things to talk about. But we've been able to easily enjoy our time together without the stress or the pressure of that right now, and neither of us are complaining. I've been able to enjoy and experience Tris in various aspects of my life, from a best friend to a sexual partner and everything in between. But for the first time, I'm experiencing every part of her simultaneously, and the idea that I'm the only one that gets to experience her that way is beyond satisfying.

In fact, it brings me confidence and happiness in a way I'd never expected it to. As a teenager I know I worried about committing to only one person, allowing only one person to have me. In reality, I should have been cared more about what I was receiving, not giving. Because receiving all of Tris, in every way, is breathtaking.

On Thursday night, two late walk-in clients had me tied up much later than I wanted to be, and I hardly get my station cleaned as I rush out of there. As I get in the door to Tris's apartment, I barely have time to undress, change, and go to the bathroom before Tris is pulling me back out the door to meet our friends for dinner. We managed to only be about ten minutes late, but what bothers me is that Tris and I haven't had a conversation about us yet. It's undeniable that our friends are going to ask questions or make comments, so I was hoping that Tris and I would go in on the same page. Instead, I'm flying blind here and I have no idea how open she's ready to be with anything.

I'm not surprised that our seats are together, and I assume that everyone must know…something. The fact that we both agreed to come, despite being invited separately by different people and not as a couple, makes me that they either set this up to get us to talk to each other or set this up to hear what happened between us.

Zeke raises an eyebrow at our arrival together, but I pretend not to see it. "Sorry about the time, guys. I got caught up at the shop."

Everyone waves off the apology, but Christina's the only one to really speak up. "Why are you late, Tris?"

Her eyes meet Christina's, her face simple. "I was waiting for Tobias," is all she offers, and Christina doesn't continue.

Conversation flows freely throughout the table, everyone talking and sharing news while we eat and drink. Despite it being only Thursday, it still feels close enough to the weekend for everyone to relax and unwind a little, willing to stay out later than normal. Tris recants seeing Robert while in North Carolina, and everyone agrees it would be a good vacation. When Tris had told me about this, I was personally picturing her and I going there together…alone. I hadn't anticipated everyone else joining in, so I must have the disappointment of a group vacation written all over my face.

"Why the scowl, Tobias?" Shauna looks at me quizzically. "Tris didn't hook up with Robert while she was there. He just gave her the discount because he's an old friend."

The comment doesn't make me feel any better, and I start to feel jealousy brew in the pit of my stomach. There's no reason to feel that way – Tris has been done with him for years. And obviously, she's here with me.

"My drink is strong," I say as I jostle the ice in my glass. "Didn't expect that last bit to go down so rough."

Shauna nods slowly, her eyes staying on me skeptically. I feel Tris's hand glide over to my knee from under the table, and the gesture simultaneously arouses me and calms my jealousy. Although it's a struggle, I keep my eyes off of her, not wanting to give anything away. I feel no desire to hide my relationship with Tris, but I'm not sure what she's ready for.

We manage to dodge a few more comments from our friends, changing the subject or answering simply, not giving away any information of the past weeks recent events.

After the waitress drops off our checks and we all slide our payments into the black books, Christina throws her arms up in frustration. "Enough with the poker faces!" She gestures between Tris and me. "We just want to know what the hell is going on!"

I glance around the table and each of our friends has an expectant, eager look on their face as they wait for a response. Zeke shrugs as my eyes land on him. "I mean, we've been trying to get it out of you all night," he confesses.

My hand finds Tris's under the table, and her eyes flit over to me for just a second. "We're together," she says with a shy curl of her shoulders. I squeeze her hand to let her know I completely agree with her answer, and she squeezes in return.

Our friends only take a moment to respond with hollers and cheers, Christina being the first to exclaim, "Finally!" Her joy is followed by a thumbs up and satisfied smile from Zeke, as well as a slap on the back from Uriah. It seems silly, because we've only just begun our relationship, but then I think about how invested our friends have been in the ups and downs of us, as was clear the night they came over when Tris had left.

The waitress comes by to collect our tabs, but Uriah pushes back his card at her. "We're gonna need one more round of drinks, on my card. We've suddenly got a reason to celebrate."


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello, Friends! This chapter took a long time...mostly because I've been so busy and so tired! Seriously, starting a new job is no joke and I didn't anticipate I would be as drained as I have been. But, I also struggled with some writer's block, so thank you to cjgwilliams for helping me work through it & helping to inspire this chapter!**

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

"So, we are?" Tobias says when we wake up the following morning.

I raise an eyebrow in his direction as I stretch out.

"Together? That's what you told everyone last night." His eyes attempt to hide his nerves, but I see it in the way he absently toys with my hair.

"Do you have a counter offer?" I ask playfully. "Or are you accepting mine?"

He laughs, pulling his hand away from my hair. "I was just making sure that you meant it…not that you felt you had to say it in the moment. Everyone was staring and waiting…"

"I did mean it," I answer honestly. We hadn't talked about it, but I assumed that's what we were with the conversations we did have.

"I didn't feel right answering that without your consent," he explains. "We can move as fast or as slow as you want, Tris."

I laugh. "We've barely been apart since last week, we've had sex countless times, and you already have a key to my apartment." I roll towards him, my arm finding its way across his waist. "I think our pace has been purely unique."

"But perfect," he says and his arm pulls me close to his chest. "I mean, since last week anyways. The rest of it was…just unique."

"It was what it was supposed to be," I offer. There's no point in rehashing the past, I've decided. The path we took to where we are doesn't matter, as long as we arrived at our destination.

"I'll get you a key, too. I was planning on it, anyways." His hand runs up and down my back, the slight pressure of his fingers instantly relaxing.

I sigh contently. "Whenever you're ready."

Tobias chuckles. "I'm ready for a lot more than you think," he says softly. "I'm ready for whatever you are."

His insinuation is foggy, and I'm not quite sure what he's hinting at. I'm certainly not thinking of moving any faster than we have so far, and there are no more life milestones that I'm anywhere near approaching. And he just leased his own place, so I highly doubt he's referring to that.

I roll onto my side and push myself up, heading into the bathroom to shower. Tobias and I obviously didn't go to sleep as soon as we'd gotten home last night, despite it being late. I half expect him to follow me into the shower, even though I really don't have any time to spare. But he doesn't, and I'm slightly disappointed.

I towel off and head back into my empty bedroom, Tobias no longer in bed. He doesn't have to work today, but I'd made it clear last night that he could lounge around for however long he wanted. There's no need for him to get up early just because I have to. I throw on an outfit and head out to the kitchen. Today is going to be an extra-cup-of-coffee day after the small amount of sleep I got. I run my hands through my damp hair but stop when I see Tobias at stove. I notice a mug of coffee on the counter in front of one of the bar stools, along with silverware and a napkin. He doesn't turn his head away from the stove, but as I get closer I can see he's got two pans, making us each an omelet.

Walking around to his side, I grab the loaf of bread to put some in the toaster, until he swats my butt. "Sit down," he orders. "Plus, it's already in there." He winks at me before turning back to the stove, finishing up the omelets, and plating them. Before I know it, he puts his hands on my hips and swivels me around, "Sit down," he says again, and he grabs the toast that just popped up.

Somehow in my haze, I've managed to make my way to the other side of the bar and find a stool. Tobias's thoughtfulness is nothing new. He's always done sweet things for me, always been mindful of things that I'd appreciate. But with titling our relationship, it suddenly hits me this is… my life… now. That I don't have to wait for Tobias and I to decide to hang out again. We aren't going to drift apart for a while and then have a few month fling. This is going to be constant, and despite the way I feel about Tobias, I suddenly see the incredible value of him as a… boyfriend.

"You ok?" he says when he sees the dopey look on my face.

"Yeah," I manage to breathily get out. "Yeah…I just…"

He comes around to sit on the bar stool next to me. "What?" he asks.

"It's just… we're… us, now, right?"

"Yeah," he says with a soft chuckle as he looks down, taking one of my hands. "We are."

"You could have gone back to sleep." For some reason I'm unable to put a coherent thought together about this, to tell him how much I appreciate him.

Tobias smiles at me with admiration at my suggestion. "I like starting my mornings with you," he says sheepishly.

"This was really nice of you," I manage to say, squeezing his hand. "Thank you."

"I've never felt such a desire to make someone feel so loved, so cared for, as I do with you." He shrugs like what he just said is nothing. "But I can't help it, and you deserve it."

"We deserve it," I whisper as I pull him down to kiss me.

He smiles as he returns my kiss, but then pulls away. "Get to eating," he nods at my plate. "Because I know you've gotta get going."

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

I can't head back to sleep after Tris leaves, though I lounge in bed for some time, flipping through the TV channels. I debate about showing up at Tris's work to surprise her with lunch, but I decide we've been together so much lately that she may want a little bit of space. It's Friday, and we'll have the whole weekend together, if that's what she wants.

Working Saturday's never bothered me before, but now I scrunch my face at the thought of Tris being free while I have to work. There's plenty of things we could do together on a Saturday morning or afternoon, but I'll spend it working. I try to stay focused on the positives. After all, Saturday is a busy day and I can make quite a bit of money. Besides paying the bills, saving for my own shop has climbed to the top of the priority list.

I'd confessed to Tris that my desire for my own business is growing more and more. It's not that I don't like where I work, but the idea of being my own boss, designing and creating a space where I want customers to feel welcome and at home… it's inspiring. Tris's response had been nothing but supportive, which was something I hadn't received for a long time. In fact, she even suggested that this weekend we sit down and research. Although Tris doesn't have a business background, she's incredibly smart and financially savvy. She had suggested we outline the basic budget of opening up a new shop and use that to set a goal of how much I need to save. She even then said she'd help me set a budget to make sure I save the appropriate amount each month.

For the first time, ever, I have no hesitation to share any information with Tris. She's somewhat aware of my financial situation from my apartment hunt, but I'm ready to be an open book so we can get on track to reach my goal. I have no concerns over what Tris will think, or a single worry that she'll make any judgements.

I clean up a little around her apartment, doing a few light chores I know she saves for the weekend. But then, a couple of regular clients happen to call me and ask if I wouldn't mind squeezing them in, even though it's my day off. I usually earn an appreciative tip, and my customers stay loyal because of my dedication and flexibility.

I shoot Tris a text to let her know I'm heading into work, even though I'll probably be done before the end of her work day. The gesture feels domestic but comfortable, and I know she'll appreciate it.

Arriving early for my first appointment, I start prepping my station. I'd dressed a little more casual than usual, simply because I didn't have a tie at Tris's house. My first client, Alex, is an accountant to works in the Loop, and he's friendly enough that we always have good conversation. As he takes his place in the chair, he thanks me for squeezing him in. A last minute business trip has come up, and he knew I'd be too busy to get him in tomorrow before he leaves on Sunday morning. I let him know that it's not a big deal, but leave out the part that I was just aimlessly wandering around Tris's apartment like a sad puppy.

"So, big day is coming up, right?"

I furrow my brow and focus on getting started. _What big day?_

"Your wedding?" he asks tentatively.

Internally, I shake my head. Of course he knows about my wedding. But fuck, I hadn't thought about it for a long time. Since we'd called it off, I'd been too wrapped up to think about anything other than Tris.

"No," I reply as I grab my tools to get to work. "It's not happening."

I can almost hear Alex grimace, afraid he's said the wrong thing. "I'm sorry, man. I hope it's for the better."

"It's definitely for the better," I reply with a confident nod. "It probably should have never gotten as far as it did."

Alex straightens up in the chair as I begin working on him. "I'm glad you made the right choice."

"Me too," I say, thoughts of Tris running through my mind. I change the subject, afraid I'll start spilling details about her that I'm not ready to share.

I'd already let my friends and family know that my wedding to Lauren was off, mostly through text or email. A select few received phone calls, but I kept those conversations short and to the point. I'd kept Tris out of all of those conversations, except the one I'd shared with my mom. I hadn't told her about my feelings for Tris, but I had confessed that I'd been staying at her apartment and that rekindling our friendship had reminded me of the way people should treat those they care about. My mom hadn't said much back, but she knew that Tris and I had a special connection, and all she really wants is for me to be happy.

While I'm ready to shout from the rooftops that Tris is mine, a part of me is hesitant. I normally don't care how things look to other people, but the last thing I want is for rumors to start about us. It's obvious what it could look like to some people – an affair. Tris's reputation doesn't need to be tarnished like that, and I don't want our relationship to start out on the wrong foot either.

I'm almost finished with Alex's shave when I happen to glance towards the door, just as Tris is walking through. A brown deli bag in her hands, she nervously approaches me and I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. I'd told her the times of my appointments, which allowed a break for lunch. Despite my worry that morning that we'd been together too often, Tris had the same idea I did about spending our lunch break together.

"Almost done," I say as she nears my station, and she nods in understanding. I can't help but sweep my eyes over her body as she walks past me to find a seat in the back.

"Is that the reason the wedding's off?" Alex's voice brings my attention back to the task at hand.

"What?"

"The way you looked at her."

I don't answer, but he chuckles and continues. "I'd say that look in your eyes is definitely confirmation that it was a good idea not to get married."

"Hey," I say as I put my hands up, keeping my voice down. "It's not what it looks like."

"I'm not making any judgements."

"I didn't have an affair," I say defensively. "I've known Tris for ten years."

"Have you looked at her that way for ten years?" Alex's voice is more serious now, trying to pull back at my defensiveness.

"Yeah, I have."

"Why weren't you marrying her?"

I rub my forehead and finish his shave. I know he's not trying to pry. Alex and I usually have these types of conversations during his appointments. We've talked about plenty of stuff that's on a personal level and he's one of my few clients I've actually spent some time with outside of work.

"Hopefully I will," I say before I realize it. "I know it doesn't look great," I add. "But we didn't do anything wrong. I'm not that guy."

"I know you aren't," he says as he stands from the chair, pulling his wallet out of his pocket as he follows me to the register. "Don't worry about it. I'm glad you did what was right."

"I appreciate that," I say as we complete his payment. "Have a good trip."

He smiles at me. "Have a good lunch break."

Once he's out the door I motion for Tris to head to the back with me. There's not much, just an open area with storage and laundry, and off to the side a small break room. Once we're out of eye sight I pull her into the break room and shut the door. Spinning around towards her, I haul her to me and kiss her deeply. Fumbling with the bag she carried in, I take it from her and blindly toss it onto the table behind me. I back her up against the wall, pressing my body against hers.

She sighs contently, but tenses. "Tobias," she mumbles.

"I promise I won't take your clothes off." I know she's worried that I'm headed that way, but really I just want to feel her in my arms, her mouth against mine.

"What if someone walks in?"

"No one else is on break right now. We've got a half hour."

"They could still – "

I grind into her, growing hard despite having no intentions of taking this further than kissing. "I just can't help it," I mumble against her mouth.

"We had sex last night," she says with a slight giggle.

I grunt. "So long ago," I say, half teasing and half serious. It does feel like it's been too long since I've been inside of her, but I'm also surprised with the way I can't keep my hands off of her. It's been a long time since I've felt this way…and the last time I felt this way was probably with her.

It's Tris who finally puts her hands against my chest and pushes me away. I give her a dejected look, but she doesn't back down. "You can fuck me all night," she assertively says. "But right now, I am starving, and I've got to eat before my lunch is over."

I can't describe the way I feel, loving her bossy tone and attitude, yet being upset at the distance she's put between us. "Well, I can't let you starve, and I will take you up on that offer as soon as you're home from work."

* * *

By the time Tris leaves, my hard on has subsided and I still have time before my next client. I head out to clean up my station and get ready for the next appointment, thinking of things like combs and styling products and the sizes of blades…anything to keep my mind wandering back to all of the things I wanted to do to her in the breakroom.

"That looked interesting," Eric says from behind me, his voice dripping with insincerity.

"It was lunch," I shoot back over my shoulder, not bothering to turn and face him.

Eric comes up, crossing his arms and resting them on the back of my chair. "I bet it was more than lunch."

I don't reply, not feeling the need to justify anything to him.

"Did you start fucking her before or after you called off your wedding?" He's clearly happy with what he's insinuating, and I begin to wrestle with defending Tris and I's behavior or lying to him completely. The problem with the second option is that he will take the next opportunity to hit on her as soon as it arises.

"I'm not _fucking_ her," I spit back. "But whatever I am doing with her is none of your business."

Eric chuckles. "If you aren't fucking her, someone's about to. That tight little body..." He makes a moaning noise, and I clench my fists to hide my real reaction. Anger bubbles inside of me, but what can I do about his words? I certainly can't hit him and lose my job. Instead, I turn around and take a few slow steps over to Eric, getting close to his face.

"I swear to God," I say with a smooth, calculated voice, "if you ever talk about her that way again, those hands won't be able to hold scissors anymore."

A nervous laugh leaves Eric. Usually, I ignore him and don't acknowledge his unwanted comments and conversation. But today, I'm ending this before it starts.

"There's a backdoor, Eric. And no one will see you in that alley."

He waves me off, even though I can tell from the look on his face that he's more frazzled by that exchange than he wants to be. I turn back to my station and get back to what I was doing. Fuck if I'd let anyone talk about my girlfriend like that.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

Sometimes I feel like I can't keep up with the changes that have come so naturally to my life…and my relationship with Tobias. I had worried that so many situations or conversations would be awkward and weird, but they haven't. It's as if this was the natural next step, so its flow has been steady and enjoyable as we work out lives together in a new way.

And because we'd already shared details about our lives with each other, both intimate and every day type of things, there's no secrets, no hidden stories, and no curiosity about the other person. It's an oddly comforting thing that I don't think either of us have ever had with anyone, and I appreciate starting our relationship off like that.

But tonight, sitting at a round, high top table in a Wrigleyville dive bar to watch the Cubs games with our friends, I start to feel a little different. While Tobias is next to me, he's turned slightly away from me to watch the TV. The table is littered with plastic dishes from our dinners, a plethora of beer bottles, both full and empty, as well as a handful of shot glasses from a home run celebration. We'd come separately, Tobias straight from work while I'd had time to go home after work. He'd been quick to kiss me when he arrived, immediately whispering in my ear that he didn't care where we went tonight, but that he wanted us to go home together.

My eyes land on her immediately, her blonde hair curled in those natural looking waves I'd never been able to attain. Her perfect, skinny frame moves through the bar quickly, making her way to a table where her friends are sitting, and I hear them shriek hello. I have to hold back my eye roll, as I'm sure it would draw the attention of someone at our table.

I've always hated Dana, but I'm positive she never even noticed me. She'd been a steady hook up of Tobias's several years ago. I can't recall how he met her, and I don't even know the last time he's seen her, but the sight of her makes my mind flood with the things I know about their…relationship. As friends, we never held back in sharing details about sex or intimacy with other people. Tobias guided me in how to handle men better than anyone else, so I while I had been semi jealous, I would listen to his stories about other women, the things they did in the bedroom with him and his reactions.

My eyes land on his back and drift down, drinking in his body and reminding myself of all the things he tells me, what he says to me on a daily basis about his feelings for me. He could be anywhere, but he's here. I remember the distraught look on his face when I ran out of his apartment, and I don't doubt that his feelings for me are real. But, at the same time….I can't help but get sick to my stomach thinking about him naked with this gorgeous blonde…whose gaze just landed on him.

He's so into the game that he doesn't see her as she approaches, but Christina does. Her gaze moves to me cautiously and immediately she knows that I'm aware. I shrug, trying to relay that I'm clueless on how to handle this, so she keeps a sly glance in their direction as she turns back to the game.

Dana finally gets close enough give Tobias a loud hello, and it takes a second for him to pull his attention from the game. It's Dana who steps forward and goes in for a hug, and I notice that despite her arms being thrown around his neck, he gives her a stiff, half, one armed hug. I can hear them exchange pleasantries, asking how the other person is and Dana providing more detail that Tobias. I see the way he cuts her off and then turns towards the table, ending their conversation as Dana, slightly dumbfounded, makes her way back to her table. I noticed how a minute later, Tobias's hand rests on my thigh and he asks if I need another beer, cracking one open for me after I nod.

But I also notice how he didn't take the opportunity to let Dana know he has a girlfriend. And that his girlfriend was sitting right next to him.

I fight the battle internally, forcing the words I want to say back inside. I need to process the situation, and the bar isn't the place to talk anyways. Christina seems to be satisfied enough with the exchange, and she turns her attention back to the screen. I down my fresh beer and grab another, Tobias giving me a questioning look.

"Are you ok?" he asks at the sight of me twisting off the top.

"Yeah, fine." I take a long swig so I can stop talking, successfully diverting his attention as he turns back to the game.

I keep an eye on Dana though, and I don't miss how her eyes flit back to Tobias multiple times. But, never to me.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

A few days later I get an unexpected call from Amar. He reminds me of my conversation at formal with some of the fraternity brothers, and although I can't recall their names, the conversation is clear. Mostly because I'd had that conversation with Tris tucked under my arm, treating her like way more than a date, wishing that one day she would be. And here I am, finally that damn lucky.

"So, Peyton already has a place there. He's renting a room or something on a temporary basis while he does this internship," Amar informs me. "But, he's also hoping for permanent employment when he's finished. Matt and Chad have both managed to line up a string of interviews in a couple weeks, and I suggested that they turn to you for some help."

"Yeah, of course," I say as I sort through the basket of laundry in my bedroom, separating whites from darks. It's an oddly comforting activity, as I see Tris's clothes mixed in with mine. "What do they need?"

"One of the firms Chad is interviewing with is putting him in a hotel for a couple nights, so they're good until the weekend. I was thinking about maybe making a trip north for the weekend and hanging with all of you, if you'd be willing to host us. Feel free to say no."

"What are the dates?" I ask, running through my calendar in my head when Amar rattles them off. "I work on Saturdays," I explain, "but you're welcome to stay here."

"I don't mind if you don't," he replies in reference to my working.

"Not at all. Let me run it by Tris," I say without hesitation. "Just to make sure I didn't commit to something with her."

"Tris?" Amar's smile is almost audible on the phone.

I chuckle. "Yeah. I guess we haven't gotten all caught up."

"I knew it would only be a matter of time," he says cockily. "Especially after the way you two were at formal."

Absently scratching the back of my head, I remember the effect Tris had on me at formal. The way she looked, to the atmosphere around us…it had had an effect on me for sure. "Well, that was part of why it almost went south. I didn't approach it the best way, and it actually scared her off at first." I'm slightly embarrassed to admit how much my feelings had initially pushed Tris away, but I know I can be honest with Amar.

"Can you blame her?" he asks, his voice calm. "It's the exact opposite of what you guys had been doing for years."

"I don't at all," I say, slightly defensive. "But we've worked it out. Things are better. WAY better." I say for emphasis, so he knows that my feelings and our relationship are solid.

He chuckles. "I never had a doubt that once you got to this point, you would be." He gets back to the topic of our plans, and we discuss them for a few minutes before hanging up.

Quickly, I text Tris to let her know of the upcoming plans, and she sends a simple response that confirms we hadn't had any plans for that weekend. I'm thankful, because I'd hate to have to cancel with the guys or be unable to show them the city. I also send a quick text to Will, Zeke, and Uriah, so that they can make their plans available, and then get back to the laundry. Mine and Tris's.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

It's a lazy Sunday morning, so lazy that Tobias and I wake up spooning and don't even bother to change positions before his erection is nudging at my opening. He lets out a deep grunt from behind me. I arch my back a little more, allowing him better access to the spot inside of me, and he knows exactly what I'm doing as he tilts his hips to meet me where I want him. My arm reaches back, snaking my fingers into his hair, and simultaneously his hand wanders along the front of my body.

He reaches down to hold my hips, so he can penetrate me as deeply as possible. I push my hips back into him and he stills, allowing me to do the work.

"Goddamn," he mumbles as I swivel my hips in no particular way except chasing the feeling that's growing in the pit on my stomach.

I smile even though he can't see. My nipples harden as his fingertips ghost across them, searching for a place to land on my body. I could lay here like this, with him buried deep inside of me, all day.

His hand slips between my legs and nudges my thighs open, one leg hooking back over his own thigh. His fingers find my clit and he still lets me lead the way, but it's only a couple minutes later that I tug on his hair, my body clenching around him as my orgasm rips through me, leaving me breathless and tired. Tobias pulls me with him as he rolls backwards, pushing me up to sit and ride him backwards.

TRIS – 8 years ago

"It was fucking phenomenal," Tobias admits from where he lays on the couch opposite of me.

"So she was on top…but backwards?" I ask for clarification. It's a position I've never done before, and not one I think I would be totally confident in.

"Yeah."

"Can't you like…see parts of her?" I probe. "Like were you…watching her…but hole?"

Tobias laughs at me awkward questioning, and I can't help but blush a little. He shrugs. "It was hot. It was a good visual."

I shake my head, thinking about how self-conscious I would be if someone had that view of me and all my intimate parts. But then I think about who Tobias was screwing, and of course she wouldn't feel worried or nervous. Her thin, small frame probably looks perfect to anyone from that angle, and surely she knew exactly how to move to make herself more appealing…and pleasing.

"Are you going to keep hooking up with her?" I try to make my voice sound casual and unconcerned, like I'm simply continuing the conversation and not really interested or concerned.

He finishes off his beer and shrugs. "She's bland as hell, you know." He'd confided that her personality was beyond lacking, as he'd experienced during their dinner before they'd hooked up. "But she sure is a nice booty call. I could probably put up with a couple more conversations with her if she did me like THAT again."

I shake my head at his antics, drinking from my own beer bottle. "Does she think you guys are…dating?"

"No," he says confidently. "I made it very clear that I'm not looking for anything serious, just casual dating and hanging out. She said she was fine with that."

I laugh it off, but deep down, I can't shake the image of Tobias and her…together, in the way he described. I know that I'd never be that confident, to expose so much of myself to someone…and I don't know if I could ever make him feel the way he just felt with her.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

"No," I say, pulling off of him and laying back down, pulling him towards me so he can be on top.

"What?" he asks, clearly surprised. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," I say, despite the fact that I'm not sure I am.

"Tris," he responds, clearly not satisfied with my answer. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "Nothing." I reach back down, guiding him back towards my entrance. He hesitantly starts to push in, but I gasp, and he pulls back. I'm completely dry.

"Baby," he begins softly, planting a kiss on my forehead. "You're not ok." He pulls back even more, leaning back onto his heels and looks at me with concern, his eyes moving down to check between my legs. "Are you hurt?" His brow is furrowed, and I can tell he's worried, but also confused.

Unfortunately, I am, too.

"I don't know what's wrong." It's a half truth, because I'm not sure why that conversation came to mind at that exact moment, and I don't know how to stop the insecurities that continue to fly through my mind remembering it.

In all the years we've been together, I've known about Tobias's other sexual partners. But, he's never once made me feel like anything less than amazing, incredible…and I know it's never been his intention.

"We can…try again," I say as I reach for his arm, pulling him back down towards me.

His hands land next to me on the bed, and he searches my face with his eyes. "It's ok, Tris. For whatever reason, your body wants to stop. Is it something I did?"

Internally, I debate telling him the truth, but I can't. "No," I reply with as much confidence as I can muster. "I just came all over the sheets," I say, glancing down at the wet spot beneath us. "You definitely did nothing wrong."

Tobias rolls over, onto his back, and affectionately pulls me into his side. "We'd never…been in that position before. Did it hurt?"

"I think I just, maybe, wasn't ready for it." Deep down I think this might be related to our recent run in with Dana and Tobias's lack of acknowledgement of me or our relationship. But I need to work this out internally, first. Talking to him is just going to cause an argument.

His head pulls back so he can meet my eyes, and he holds my chin up so he can speak to me while he looks at me. "I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. I am sorry if I did."

I nod and start to look down, but he hoists himself up on his forearm so he can see me better. "I am glad you said no, if it didn't feel right to you. That will **always** be more than ok with me."

"I know." There's no doubt in my mind, that Tobias would ever intentionally do anything to make me feel anything less than incredible, which makes me feel even worse that I'm not being totally honest with him right now. But, this is my problem, and I'll have to figure out how to handle it.

"I love you." His eyes search my face for any sign of hurt, or distrust, but I look back at him with complete honesty and return the sentiment.

"I love you, too."


	13. Chapter 13

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

Tris's office building is tall, and despite having been here before, enough time has passed that I feel slightly intimidated by the sleek floors and the gleaming marble walls. There's a multitude of differences from the homey, laid back feel of the barber shop where I work. Tris excels in environments with deadlines and details and precision, where I would flop and fail without the ability to even move in the right direction. It's something I've always admired about her, her ability to adapt to what is expected of her. It's also something I've noticed can be a fatal flaw of hers, allowing herself to adjust to situations she shouldn't. She'd fallen into the role of Peter's girlfriend and his expectations because of it, and I swear I'll never allow her to do that with me.

She's going to be slightly embarrassed, or at least uncomfortable with the attention she'll receive from my presence. I knew I needed to forgo the flowers I'd contemplated bringing and stick with just lunch.

The busy woman at the front desk checks me in, hands me a visitor badge, and motions to the bank of elevators to her left. I nod to the security guard as he peeks inside my take out bag and gives me the all clear. When I reach her floor, I can't quite remember where she'd said her new office was. The last time I'd visited her she'd only had a small floor cubicle, but her success as a writer earned her the privilege of a private office – door, windows, and all.

I scan the walls for some type of directory, shifting the bag in my hands and searching for my phone in my pockets to bring up the directions she'd given me. As I fumble unlocking my phone, a woman approaches me.

"Can I help you?" she offers. "You look lost?"

It doesn't escape me the way her eyes glance up and down my body, or the flirtatious bat of her eye lashes she gives as she awaits my response.

"No, I'm alright." I attempt to brush her off, continuing to work on finding the directions from my phone.

She laughs softly, stepping a little bit closer. "I can help you get to wherever you need to go."

Exhaling, I give in. "I'm here to see Tris Prior. Can you just direct me to her office?"

She turns and waves at me. "Right this way," she says, despite my request for directions and not an escort. She sways her hips much more than necessary, glancing back at me with a smile as she leads me down the hall. We turn, and two doors later she spins around, presenting me at Tris's office door. It's closed, so I give her a quick thank you and knock, wanting nothing more than for Tris to open the door.

"I'm right down the hall…" she begins, but she's interrupted by Tris's door flying open. Her face is beaming as her eyes land on mine.

"Hey," she says breathily, like she's suddenly relaxed and content now that I'm here.

"If you need anything," the woman continues, snapping Tris's attention away from me, "I'm just right down the hall. You're welcome to stop by before you leave… I'm sure there's something we can talk about."

"No, thanks," I say quickly, followed by an immediate step into Tris's office, in which she quickly responds by pushing the door shut.

I can't help but grab her and haul her to me, pulling her flush against my body and pressing my mouth to hers. There's no windows into the hallway, and Tris and I have privately talked about how hot it would be to mess around in her office. My dick is hard just thinking about the opportunity presenting itself.

But instead, she pushes off of me. "Tobias…" she says warningly. "I'm at work."

"I was just kissing you," I say somewhat defensively, but also feeling some embarrassment at my girlfriend's rejection.

She runs a hand through her hair, turning her body away from me. "I know, but I can't do that."

"I'm sorry," I apologize sincerely. "I just…was turned on seeing you in your work clothes, in your fancy office. And besides, I've been sitting at home all fucking morning just thinking about you."

"You just caught me off guard," she admits, and I can see a piece of her softening.

"I didn't mean to," I say as I dare to step towards her again.

She lets my arms wrap around her this time, and I gently place my hands on her lower back. "I miss you when we're not together," I admit tentatively. "Even though that's kind of crazy."

I feel her chuckle before I hear it. "It's not crazy." She looks up at me and kisses me gently before stepping back and reaching for the bag I'd brought, carrying it to her small round table in the corner.

I pull out the gyros I'd picked up – one of Tris's favorite foods – from an authentic restaurant in my own neighborhood. Despite the train ride, they'd packed them up well enough to keep them warm and I'd been smart enough to use a thermal bag to carry them.

It's obvious she's excited and touched over my selection, and the way she looks at me and thanks me reminds me that _this_ is what I've been missing. This partnership, this feeling of equality… this idea of being in it together. I've always had it with Tris, in a multitude of ways…but I know that I'm going to have it in this way, this intimate way, for hopefully forever.

"So you got lost on the way to my office? You could have called me. I'd have met you at the elevators."

Shrugging, I begin fixing each of us a gyro. "I thought I had the directions memorized, but when I got up here I was dead wrong."

"Jenna just happened to be nearby to help you?"

I stop what I'm doing and look over at her. "Are you upset?"

Shaking her head, I see the uncertainty in her eyes. "I was just wondering how she ended up escorting you here."

Continuing to fix our food, I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. "She just offered. And I didn't think she was going to give up, so I just agreed to let her so that I could get to you faster. Obviously," I say as I gesture towards the door where I'd grabbed her and kissed her, "I really wanted to be with you."

I look up, and there's a mixture of something on her face…almost happiness, jealousy, and uncertainty. I know Tris well enough to know that I can't push her to talk when she's not ready…but also that she'll never talk if I don't push her. It's a fine line I've walked with her many times, and also one I'd had to educate Christina on for years.

Finishing up what I'm doing, I wipe my hands and scoot my chair closer to hers. Taking her cheeks in my palms, I gently force her to meet my eyes with hers. "I don't know what is bothering you, but I know you well enough to know it's something. So when you're ready…you've _got_ to talk to me, Tris."

Almost instantly, her eyes well up with tears that I know she doesn't want, so I lean in and kiss her softly, and then look at her again after I pull away. "I love you." My words are firm, so she knows there's no wavering.

"I love you, too," she replies, a little too soft for my liking.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

I'm searching for Myra later that afternoon, wanting a sounding board for an assignment I'm stuck on, when I run into Jenna. Internally, I roll my eyes and walk past her, but she calls after me, seemingly not reading the signals I'm sending.

"What?" I ask, taking two steps closer to her.

"How was lunch? Who was that hottie you were working with this afternoon?"

 _What the fuck?_ Initially, it bothered me that she'd clearly pulled out her typically flirtatious attitude towards anything with a penis at Tobias. And I couldn't blame him for that. I had, however, been upset that he hadn't just told me to meet him at the elevator or followed my directions. I gave him the directions because I hadn't wanted him standing around out there being checked out by my coworkers, 90% of which are female.

But apparently he hadn't even mentioned to Jenna that he was here to see _his girlfriend._ He'd left out that important detail.

"That was my boyfriend," I spit sharply.

Jenna steps back, her face showing her shocked attitude. Although she'd chase anything with a dick – and usually land it – I've never known Jenna to be a homewrecker.

"Tris…I didn't know." She stammers over her apologies, but I wave her off.

"Forget about it," I say, mostly for my own benefit because of the tears I feel threatening to spill over.

I turn and walk away, as quick as I can, because now I need Myra to be a sounding board for something else.

"You've got to talk to him," Myra says, half forceful, half sympathetic. "This is a problem that involves both of you. You can't fix it alone."

I lean my head forward into my hands. "I'm just so scared that he'll realize this isn't everything he wants. It isn't what he thought it would be. That _I'm not what he thought I'd be."_

"Stop." She holds her hand up. "You're speaking negative thoughts. That won't get you anywhere. In fact, if I've followed this love shitstorm correctly, all those negative thoughts got the both of you nowhere for 10 years."

Refusing to agree with her just yet, I don't reply.

"Now, I don't know Tobias very well, but that might be a good thing here. I'm going to give you my perspective. And first, I know I was only around the two of you at the party at Murphy's, but Edward totally thought you and Tobias were together. He made some comment to Tobias and he felt terrible because Tobias had to stumble through an uncomfortable explanation about why you weren't. And Edward, who's not a romantic at all, said that he could tell how deeply Tobias yearned for you from the way he looked at you and the way he talked about you."

She continues, not even allowing time for me to argue. "Tobias knows exactly who you are. You've told me enough about your time together. He knows everything about you – _and that's why he's in love you."_

"Why won't he just treat me like his girlfriend in public? Tell people we're together?!" Frustration creeps up my back, the questions I've agonized over day after day. I haven't confided in Christina or Shauna about this, because I'm kind of embarrassed that I'm unable to attain the same security they have in their relationships. Plus, with the way that Tobias proclaimed his love for me, there's no reason that I should feel so insecure…in their eyes.

Myra's voice grows a little more sympathetic. "I can't answer those for you, Tris. Only Tobias can. It's not easy to be honest with him or yourself sometimes. But you know it's for the best – for your relationship AND your peace of mind."

I nod, knowing she's right, but wishing she'd had some magical reason for his behavior that would make me feel better. I guess I'll have to face him.

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

I give Tris her space, not pushing the issue of her distance despite the way it eats at me. As difficult as it is, I spend my time trying to show her how loved and appreciated she is. She's been trying to meet a few freelance deadlines, so the amount of work she's done at home as increased in the last few days. I've tried to show my support for her by cooking or picking up dinner, rubbing her neck after she's been staring at the computer all day, and picking up around her apartment. I've made sure to let the water get as hot as she likes it in the shower, and then at night I've taken my time on her in the bedroom and made sure she's fully satisfied in every way. Not that the last part was a real sacrifice.

It's starting to feel like she's softening, like our relationship is getting comfortable again and maybe that wall she was building was just temporary. When Chad, Peyton, and Matt get into town, Will and I head to dinner with them the first night, where we make plans for the weekend and Amar's arrival. It's been a long time since anyone from college has visited me, so I'm thrilled to have an old friend up here, and when I run through our plans with Tris she seems just as thrilled about them.

Personally, I'm feeling pretty proud on Friday night when everyone comes to hang out at my place. It's nice to have something to show for all of the hard work I've been doing lately. Sure, I'd had a fancy apartment with Lauren – but it had never been _mine_. Here, I feel like I bounced back and I'm holding myself up despite the way Lauren had made me start to feel about my career.

The way Tris has put her own personal touch on my place makes me feel even better. She'd helped me pick out almost everything I own, and the small reminders of her that are scattered around the apartment make me smile every time I encounter them.

I look over at her from where I stand by the kitchen counter, mixing her a drink. I know exactly how dirty she likes her dirty martinis, but I also know that Tris can be a fast drinker and has a tendency to throw them back pretty quickly, so I don't fill the glass as much as I'm sure she'd like.

She's talking to Peyton about his interview, and she's genuinely engrossed in the conversation. As I approach, he tells her about the questions he was asked and how unsure he is about some of his responses, and Tris doesn't hesitate to give her honest opinion on both. But overall, she's encouraging and reminds Peyton that everyone has to start somewhere. After all, it took Tris some time, and some crappy assignments, to make it to her position now.

I slip a hand onto her hip as I come up behind her, and just the proximity of her body to mine fills me with desire. Her laughter, the shake of her head…it all fills my mind in an intoxicating manner. It leaves me constantly craving more of her. I slip the drink in front of her, nudging her hand.

When she looks down and sees what it is, she smiles and looks back at me over her shoulder. "Thanks. You didn't have to do that."

"You're empty," I jut my chin towards the empty glass on the counter.

I notice the way she slips back a bit to allow her back to touch my chest, so I step forward to become a little more flush with her body, trying not to make Peyton feel uncomfortable. But Tris eases the situation on, and by the end of it Peyton is definitely feeling more confident than he did before.

"You're such a thoughtful person," I lean down and whisper in her ear. "I think he's walking a little taller after that conversation."

She turns to face me and shrugs while her hands play with the hem of my shirt. "I just didn't want him to agonize over it. And, it's not the end of the world if he doesn't get it. There's always more jobs."

I nod in agreement. Tris always has good perspective on things like this. "I'm lucky to have such a levelheaded woman in my life."

"You sure are," she chuckles.

I can't help but lean in and kiss her lightly, despite her distaste for PDA. I feel like the atmosphere is intimate enough with our small group that I can show her a little bit of affection. In response, Tris looks around the room and when she knows no one will notice, she pulls me back down the hall so she can kiss me deeply.

I let my hands roam down to her ass, picking her up as I gently push open the door to my room, and press her body against the wall as she wraps her legs around my waist and whispers all of the incredible sounding things she's going to do in this room when we get back tonight.

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

We head to a bar in Bucktown, just a few blue line stops over. It's a cozy little place that gets a lot of business but isn't too wild or noisy. It may not be what Peyton, Chad, and Matt are used to, but it's definitely more our scene these days.

The guys head to the bar to grab the first round as the rest of us slide into a few high tops in the middle of the bar. I'm already three martinis in and feeling fabulous, so when Tobias brings me a beer, I'm thankful for how observant he is. They typically mix strong drinks here, and I don't want to be the first one down for the count.

"This ok?" he asks as he slides it in front of me. "I should have asked before I went up there."

"Good choice," I say with a nod, as he rests his arm on the back of my chair. "It wouldn't hurt me to slow down."

He chuckles, but I can tell he's also proud that I'm pleased with his choice, showing how well we know each other. His arm stays as he turns to join the conversation, which is no longer filled with job interviews and moving options. Instead Amar starts discussing with Tobias the plans for his opening his own shop.

I can tell how passionate Tobias is about it from the way his eyes light up. It had been a while since we'd worked on it together, but we'd researched costs and recurring expenses and had discussions with other business owners. Eventually we'd come up with a plan, where Tobias wanted to be financially before embarking on the responsibility of a loan and a business, and then I knew he'd worked like crazy each month to stick to his budget and throw anything extra into his savings account.

"Is this gonna be a solo adventure? Or are the two of you…" Amar motions between Tobias and I.

Tobias glances at me nervously. There's been plenty of support from me on the table about his dreams, but none of it has been financial. If Tobias and I are at that point where our finances are combined by the time he opens his shop, that wouldn't change anything. His dreams would still be a priority. However, I'm not quite sure if he wants that. He's been fiercely adamant about being financially independent in this endeavor, not wanting to borrow money from his mom or anyone except the bank.

"I completely believe in this dream," I say, my hand making its way onto his thigh and giving him a gentle squeeze.

Nodding, Amar sips his beer, although I can tell he wanted a more detailed answer. The financial aspect of it isn't anyone's concern, except for Tobias's. Maybe mine, depending on our situation when it happens…but that's also no one's business. So much of our relationship has been shared with our friends lately, that I'm glad we've regained our privacy.

There is still so much we haven't talked about, and part of me knows we need to do it before it's too late. But I've been writing like crazy lately and haven't wanted to create extra stress in my life that might lead to writer's block. I finally submitted a bunch of freelance pieces over the past week and as soon as we've used this weekend to relax and wind down, I'm going to work up some courage.

I keep telling myself that half of my feelings are my own insecurities and paranoia. Tobias spends more than enough time showing me how much he loves and appreciates me – especially over the past week. He didn't mind making or bringing by dinner, and then usually cleaning up afterwards, so I could write. I bounced ideas off of him and he helped me rework sentences countless times, pausing his TV show or sets of push-ups to listen and respond, never once asking me to wait.

But there's constantly a small part of my brain that's remembering things I shouldn't. Small pieces of conversations we'd had years ago about other women, memories of seeing Tobias with women so much better looking than me…they creep into my mind at the most inopportune times. I shouldn't be overanalyzing things like seeing that chick Dana at the bar and Tobias not informing her of our relationship.

"Babe, you want another one?" he asks as he picks up my empty beer bottle.

I've reached a happy stage of drunk, not too far gone but just enough that I feel happy, carefree and content. "Yeah, just one more."

He nods, but then leans closer. "You made some enticing promises earlier when we were in my room…will you still be able to keep them?"

I can hear the flirtatious smile in his voice, and I blush and dip my head at the thought of the things I'd told Tobias we'd do when we returned. "There's nothing else I'd rather do tonight," I whisper when I lift my head towards his.

He slightly adjusts himself in his pants while giving me a sexy look, and then grabs our empty beer bottles and heads to the bar with Chad and Peyton.

The bar has filled up considerably more since we arrived, so Tobias's extended absence doesn't register to me for a few minutes. When Chad returns to the table, shaking his head and laughing, Matt asks him where Tobias and Peyton still are.

He motions over towards the bar. "I don't think Peyton's ever going to leave Chicago after having Tobias as a wingman. That dude's got some charm."

I grab Shauna's drink that's next to me and take a long sip to hide my discomfort. She looks over at me, but she knows me well enough to see that something is bothering me and instead of getting angry, tunes into the conversation.

My eyes find Tobias and Peyton, chatting with three single women at the bar. It's clear that Peyton's got his eye on the brunette. He's standing next to her, and their conversation appears to be getting more exclusive, while Tobias chats up the two blondes she's with. Just from the way they're looking at him, how they tilt their heads to the side and giggle at whatever he's saying, I can tell exactly what they're thinking. And I'm sure I know exactly the impression he's giving them. No woman would be hanging on every word of a man if they knew his girlfriend was sitting a few tables away.

I suddenly feel sick, my hands getting clammy and my legs shaky. There's no way I can sit with this group of people and pretend I'm ok – that everything is ok – for the remainder of the night.

"Not feeling so hot right now," I say to Shauna in a hushed tone. I slide out of my high top. "I'm out." I grab my small clutch purse and head for the door before Shauna – or anyone else at the table – can argue with me. I try to not draw any attention to myself as I walk past Tobias to the door, but just a few steps past him and I hear him call my name.

I pretend I don't hear him. I just need to get out the door, to feel the heat of the outdoors to help calm my shaking limbs. Pushing outside, the temperature change hits me instantly, causing me to slightly sober up. I head down the street, realizing that if I wanted to escape quickly, I should have thought this through ahead of time. I have no safe way home, and if I stop to wait for an Uber, Tobias will definitely catch up to me.

I reach in my back pocket to pull out my phone, but his hand circles my wrist, spinning me back to him. "What's going on?" he asks, his face full of shock and hurt – feelings that were all over mine when I saw him chatting with the two girls at the bar.

"Are you _fucking_ serious?"

My words shock him, and although he doesn't release his hold on my wrist, he steps back cautiously.

"I'm supposed to be your _girlfriend,_ Tobias. Maybe you aren't ready for this. Or maybe you aren't all in. I don't know anymore."

His face contorts. "Don't go there, Tris. You can't actually believe that."

"I'm not doing this again. I'm not going to be played the fool like I was with Peter." It's an unfair comparison, I know. But maybe if I'd paid more attention to things in the beginning like this, I never would have ended up where I was with Peter down the road.

Tobias is speechless, so I take the moment to continue. "I'm never going to look like those perfect blonde women in there you were chatting up. I'm sure I won't be as sexually enticing as Dana. I'm a safe bet during a rocky period in your life and I deserve better."

"That's what this is about?" he asks, shocked. "I was playing wingman to a friend and you think I was the one trying to pick someone up?"

"Oh really, did you tell them you had a girlfriend, then?" I put my hands on my hips, not backing down.

"Actually, yes," he says fiercely. "As soon as I started talking to the girl he was interested in, I told her I was here with my girlfriend and a group of friends, one of which was interested in talking to her."

"Then why did you stand here flirting?!" The sentence comes out as a half yell, frustration and blinding me between the relief that's trying to break free.

"He was nervous," he says with a shrug. "I didn't want to just abandon him." He pauses before taking a step closer. "But you're right. I shouldn't have stayed there, I shouldn't have kept talking."

I'm softened a little, until I remember the Dana incident, and anger flares up in me again. "You're apologizing because I'm here, because I saw it all. I don't know what goes on when I'm not around." I spin around, walking quickly down the street with no intended destination except away from Tobias.

"Nothing goes on when you aren't around!" he yells from behind me. "There is more to this conversation that just this incident. You've been bothered by something for weeks. Don't pretend this isn't deeper."

I huff, angry that he's pushing for this deep conversation now, when I know I'm too drunk to hide how intensely insecure I am.

"If you really wanted to be with me, it wouldn't have been a secret!" I throw my head over my shoulder as I yell it at him.

"What the fuck? It's not a secret!"

He tries to step in front of me, but I dodge it and keep walking around me.

"And where the _fuck_ are you going?!" he throws his hands up, but this time he grabs my arm and physically pulls me to him, stopping me from walking further.

"Let go!" I yell, trying to get away, but Tobias won't.

"You might be driving me nuts right now, but I'm not letting you walk there," he says as he points half a block ahead to an area under the L tracks, common for people to participate in various questionable activities. He spins me in the opposite direction and we walk another block down, this time while Tobias taps on his phone screen with his opposite hand. "I'm getting an Uber," he says, leaving no room for arguing.

"Oh, so we can go home and argue in private, right?"

"Where is this shit with secrecy coming from?" he asks, genuine confusion on his face.

"You're the one that's not sharing our relationship with anyone." I cross my arms and turn away from him, unable to look at him. I don't want his expressions to soften me or affect my tough girl attitude.

"Like who?"

"Dana."

His brow furrows and he takes a minute to respond. "That day we went to watch the game?"

"Yeah," I reply, the hurt showing through my voice now. "She sauntered right up to you…hugged you…and you didn't even bother saying, 'hey, this is my girlfriend' or 'have you my girlfriend, Tris?' or anything. She spent the rest of the night with her eyes glued on you. I can't compete with her!"

"You aren't competing with anyone! There is no one, literally no one, that is going to hold a fucking candle to you."

"Then why aren't you telling them that?!" I yell, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes just as the Uber arrives.

Tobias runs a hand through his hair and opens the door for me, following me into the back seat. I don't want to have this conversation in front of a stranger, but I also don't think I can wait to hear his response.

"I haven't told everyone because we haven't talked about all of it. We should have had this conversation a long time ago, but it's not a fun one to have."

"What are you talking about?"

"Tris, I respect you more than anyone else in my life. You have to know that. And however you decide you want to handle things like this, I'll follow your lead. My reputation doesn't bother me. Rumors won't affect me. But once people who cross our social circles find out about us, they're going to assume things."

"Assume what?"

"The timing…"

"You think… people will think we had an affair?"

He rubs his face again. "Yeah. Maybe that we had been all along. Maybe that we were at the end. Plus, who knows what Lauren is saying to people."

The Uber driver, Gabe, suddenly interjects. "Did you?"

"What?" I ask, shocked by his interjection.

"Have an affair?"

"No!" I exclaim, at the same time Tobias replies.

"It's none of your business!"

Gabe puts his head back down, but it's obvious he's intently listening to our argument.

"Look," Tobias continues with a glance up front. "I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me, what they will assume about me. But what I'm concerned about is what _you_ think you're ready for. Are you prepared for all the possibilities?"

"This is why you didn't tell Dana?" I circle back to the initial source of anger.

"It's why I haven't told everyone," he admits, shrugging. "At first, I think it would have been pretty bad, especially if we'd run into Lauren or her friends. And calling off a wedding is surely already bringing a lot of gossip."

I look down at my hands. Sure, I'd thought about what Lauren would think – she'd already accused me of it anyway – but I hadn't thought about all the places this could reach, or how it could affect me.

"But you still couldn't tell the girl who was eye fucking you from across the bar? Just to let her know she didn't stand a chance?"

"I thought my very uninterested body language let her know that I wasn't interested," he says pointedly.

We pull up to Tobias's apartment building, and he thanks Gabe for the ride. Gabe nods, and then nods at me as I scoot across he seat. "Good luck," he adds.

"We need to talk about the rest of it," Tobias says as soon as he shuts the door to his apartment.

I don't reply, but I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and begin chugging, waiting for him to continue.

"What you said about the way you look."

I feel my face turn red and suddenly I regret spilling all of that out on the sidewalk. "I was just rambling."

"No you weren't." He walks towards me, stopping a few feet away. "I know you well enough to that you were being honest. And that you're insecure about your body."

I walk around him, heading towards the bathroom, but he stops me in the hallway and pins me against the wall.

"I don't know how many times I can say it, but there is no one else for me. I love everything about you, and no matter how many women I've been with, there has never been anyone who's been able to do to me what you have."

I sigh, closing my eyes as his hands rest on my hips lightly, making soft circles with his thumbs.

"Every single curve-," his hands run over my hips and around my ass, up to my back – "every single dip of your skin….they fit with mine. And I've had them memorized for _years_ , baby." His hands come up to cup my neck, his thumbs urging my chin up so our eyes meet. "Every time you weren't in my arms, I wished you were. That may not sound like much now, but I have never ached for someone the way I've ached for you…for a very long time."

"But you were with Lauren…"

"Tris, I have never not had my eyes on you when I've been around you. Never. I have always noticed you, and it's because we belong like this. Together."

I sigh, breaking down enough to admit a fear I never thought I would. "When we're together…I worry that you're wishing you were with someone else… someone sexier. Someone better."

"I have never been with you and wished I was with someone else…but I have been with other women, wishing they were you. Because there is no one better, no one sexier, than you, Tris."

He places a soft kiss on my forehead. "We know so much of each other's pasts," he says, like he can read my mind. "It bothers me too sometimes," he admits softly. "I remind myself that you didn't choose to keep any of those men in your life, just like I didn't choose to keep any of those women in my life. And I know that no matter what happened before…I want you to be the only woman I'm with… for the rest of my life."

I suck in a breath, his words hitting me in a way I wasn't ready for. Tobias has hinted that he's ready for more with me, but he's never outright said he's ready for forever.

"I would have already asked you to marry me if I thought those words carried more weight from me right now." A nervous chuckle slips out, and I can tell how much courage both of those statements took for him to say. "But seeing as how we have more insecurities to work through, when I do ask you, I want you to be damn confident in my love for you."

My breath is shallow, like I can't quite catch it, and my head is spinning with his words. "I love you," I finally choke out.

"I love you, too. And if you want me to tell every fucking person in Chicago that I love you, I'll do it, if that's what you're ready for."

"You don't care if people think you cheated on your fiancé?"

"Ex-fiancé, and no."

"Why not?

"Because you know the truth. And your opinion of me is the only one that matters. If you still love me…I'm good." He shrugs, like it's the simplest thought in the word for his thoughts to be boil down to me.

"Do you really want to marry me?"

A smile spreads across his face at this question. "Yeah, I do."

My stomach flutters, but I can't stop probing. "How do you know?"

"I always knew I could never live without you in my life, and when I did I was fucking miserable. But having you like this…it sets my soul on fire. I'm _alive_ in a new way."

I don't have words to respond to him, and my mind can't wrap my head around anything except how incredible it feels to hear this, to have full trust in the words he confesses to me. I pull his head down, crashing my lips against his. Tobias reaches down to grab my thighs, picking me up and pressing my body against his – and his erection – and he turns, walking to his bedroom so I can make good on all my dirty promises.


	14. Bonus

**Hey guys! So I recently read a few books and at the end they had a 'bonus scene' that was told in another character's POV and was kind of an outside peek at the situation. I thought it would be fun to do and this was the first scene to pop into my head. I loved writing in Uriah's POV and getting to use an entirely different voice. Hope you like it!**

 **P.S. This does NOT mean it's the end of Ten Years yet, I just really enjoyed writing it and thought you guys would enjoy reading it!**

BONUS SCENE

URIAH – 8 YEARS AGO

I plop down on a chair at my brother's house – the one he shares with Tobias – like I live here. And I almost do, with how often I'm here. If I'm not the life of a raging party, which I am most nights, I'm usually here. Tonight we're watching the Bulls game, even though they're nothing like the dynasty they were in the 90's, when we were kids. But whatever, it's still basketball, so I'm game.

"So where's Will tonight?" I ask my brother, Zeke, even though I'm sure he's with his nutty girlfriend, Christina. She's gorgeous and a pretty cool person, but I don't know how the hell Will deals with her ass sometimes. She can be full of energy and seems a little high maintenance, but I bet she's wild in bed and that's what keeps him hanging on. Probably the best fuck of his life.

"Guess," Zeke says with a laugh, knowing that we all expect he's with Christina.

"Damn," I say with a shake of my head, taking a swig of my beer. "Sucks to be whipped like that."

"Oh come on," Tobias counters. "He's no more whipped than he wants to be."

I scoff. "You think he enjoys being with her that much?"

He shrugs. "Is it so unbelievable he does? I mean, it's not like she's ever had to force him or beg him. He willingly walks out the door to go wherever the fuck they go all the time."

Getting a far off look in his eye, Zeke sighs. "Maybe you shouldn't pick on him too much, Uri. That could be all our sorry asses one day."

"Yeah, right," I laugh. I can't imagine any woman tying me down to commitment like Will and Christina have. They're just so…needy. And right now, I'm focused on things that matter – like being the life of the party without having to worry if a woman is happy. Plus, I'm pretty sexually satisfied without having a commitment.

I look over at Tobias, and he's got his phone out, texting someone. Man, I'd pick up a lot more women if I had skills like that guy. Women flock to him like glitter on a stripper. He's probably securing a lay for tonight. Fuck.

He pushes up off the couch. "I'll be right back," he says as he puts down his beer and heads to the front door.

Damn, I think. Who could be here, ready to fuck him already? The dude's in old jeans and a crappy t-shirt and he's still a woman willing to sit on his dick with a simple text message he sent less than two minutes ago.

He's outside for only a couple minutes, and when he returns, Tris is with him. Shit, I guess I was overestimating the dude's game. Tris lives just down the street and those two have been best friends since Tris showed up at school, same year as I did.

I've always thought Tris is smokin' hot, a thought I only voiced once after Zeke promptly told me to shut the fuck and never utter those words in front of Tobias. She's dated a bit, but I've never heard about her sleeping around, which means she's smokin' hot and way classier than most of the girls that party at our fraternity house. She's totally off limits to all of our fraternity brothers and pretty much anyone that has an ounce of respect for Tobias. He doesn't even have to say it – everyone just knows.

Tris takes a seat on the couch and Zeke reaches over to hand her a beer. I can't help but be nosy, so I ask her where her boyfriend, Al is.

I don't know Al very well, but I've had a couple classes with him this semester and the dude seems like a total douche. We had to work on a couple group projects together and I stupidly got stuck next to him in the seating chart after I arrived late one hungover morning. The dude loves to party – and even though Tris is a party girl herself, Al parties in a totally different way. Tris is more of a high energy, have fun type of girl, but Al is usually getting drunk and simultaneously getting stoned, perfectly happy to sit on the couch and be a lazy fuck while his girl is socializing and enjoying herself. Opposite ends of the party spectrum, for real.

And after having a few interactions with Al, it was very clear to me that he didn't deserve someone as fucking awesome as Tris in the first place. What she ever saw in that guy to be attracted to him was fucking lost on me, because I couldn't stand to be around him even for a couple stupid group assignments. The shit that came out of his mouth made him sound like a huge asshole, with his cocky attitude and lazy ass work ethic. I mean, I'm not the best student, but I wasn't trying to fail and I for sure wasn't going to let my group members fail on my account.

Tris has a little smile on her face as she shares with us that she broke up with Al. Surprise catches me, because Al never seemed to have any doubt that Tris was totally devoted to him. I've never spent a lot of time around them, but I've heard about their relationship from mutual friends, and then some from Al when he brags about her in our group.

She must sense my approval of the break up when she asks if their relationship was really 'that bad'. I shrug and turn away, not wanting to exclaim that Al was really a dick – and that he totally didn't deserve someone as bad ass as Tris.

I glance back to see Tris and Tobias having some quiet exchange like they usually do. She's probably telling him some intimate details of the break up because according to Zeke, they tell each other fucking everything, even shit Tobias doesn't tell us.

"How'd he take it?" Zeke probes. "I bet he wasn't too happy. That dude's crazy about you."

"That was the problem," Tris explains. "I'm not crazy about him. He was smothering me, and he wasn't happy when I told him that."

I look over at Tobias, who seems satisfied with that answer. I could tell that he wasn't too crazy about Tris and Al, and I'd for sure told him how I thought Al was a total douche. He hadn't really replied with his own thoughts, but told me that Tris could handle herself and she'd figure things out soon enough.

"Well, now that you've got some extra free time, you're always welcome to walk down and have a beer with the guys," Zeke says, with a raise of his glass. I know he's being sincere – hanging with Tris is like hanging with one of the guys; she's so chill and easy going.

I hold a hand to my chest. "We promise not to smother you."

She glances over to Tobias and he nods at her, confirming that all three of us would enjoy her company. She's so much easier to be around than most women. Whenever any of the guys bring a girl to nights like this, I usually look for something else to do so I don't have to try to behave all night. But Tris is never offended if she hears me comment on a chick's nice ass or say something about a bad ass blow job I got last week. She just gives a deep laugh like the rest of us. Damn, any guy who lands Tris is lucky as hell.

Turning our attention back to the game, we each throw back a few more beers until the time winds down and the buzzer goes off, signaling the end.

"Fuck," I comment. "That last foul was bullshit."

"Yeah," Zeke nods in acknowledgement. "Totally fucked up the last two minutes."

"Should have never been called. The Bulls could have come back."

"Eh," Zeke argues as Tobias stands, tossing his empty beer cans into the box. "I don't know – "

"We're turning in," Tobias cuts in as he heads to his room, Tris following him.

"Night," Zeke replies, without a reaction.

My mouth drops open as Tris calls back. "Night," she says with a slight wave of her hand, but she doesn't bother to turn around. She walks into Tobias's room and he follows her, shutting the door behind them.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I whisper desperately to Zeke. "TOBIAS IS FUCKING TRIS?!"

"Shut the fuck up," Zeke warns. "And no, I don't think they fuck."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, they fucking cuddle all night."

"No, I mean… they're certainly doing something. Trust me, you'll probably hear it later. But he says they don't have sex."

Shocked, I run a hand over my face. Tobias gets her naked, but they aren't banging? What kind of weird ass arrangement is this?

"Look," he says as he locks eyes with me, his face totally serious. "No one fucking knows about this – so you better keep it to yourself."

"What the fuck is 'this'? Is this an ongoing thing?!"

He sighs, clearly frustrated with my need for details. "It's not the first time, that's for sure."

"Why's it have to be a secret?!"

"Why wouldn't it be? Have you ever heard Tobias talk about his sex life like you do? No. And he certainly wouldn't talk about his sex like with Tris. It's different." Zeke's words make sense. Tobias won't shy away from letting us know who he was with certain nights, if it was worth it or not, but he doesn't throw out details like Zeke and I do, ever.

"I thought they were best friends?!"

" _They are_." Zeke runs a hand through his hair. "Look, he's fucking in love with her. He doesn't know it yet, but I do. And she's fucking nuts about him. Didn't you see all their little smiley romantic exchanges they had when they thought we were watching the game?"

"I thought they were just…I don't know…talking about the break up. Privately."

He laughs. "He was probably telling her what they were gonna do now that they're broken up."

"So they just…fuck around when they want?"

Zeke puts up a hand. "Little brother, if Tobias heard you saying that he's 'fucking around' with Tris, he'd cut your balls off. He's protective of her like she's the Princess fucking Bride, ok? They've had sexual tension since the first day they saw each other, and I've never seen him act the way he does with her with anyone else. Didn't you notice the huge change in his demeanor once she got here?"

Thinking back on the way he acted, I shrug. "I'm not as observant as you are. I don't notice shit."

"Ok, well if you were around him as much as I am, you'd see it. Will and I talk about it all the time. He's fucking nuts about her, seriously." He pauses before he adds, "And they aren't having wild-headboard-banging sex, that's for sure. I've heard them multiple times, and I'm pretty sure it's that slow, sensual shit you see in romance movies. You don't just do that with a random chick."

"Then why aren't they together?" I ask, thinking about Tris just wasted a ton of time on some piece of shit who even I know doesn't deserve her awesome ass.

Zeke sighs again. "He says there's a lot of reasons, and she'll say the same to Christina and Shauna, but none of us know what the fuck they are. Look, it is what it is. Hopefully one day, it'll all work out."

I exhale, leaning back in the chair, shocked as fuck. But when I think about it, I can't help but agree with Zeke that Tobias is probably in love with her. He's not open about his sex life, but he's never been secretive about who he's fucking around with – except her.

And I just got done thinking about how awesome it is hanging out with Tris because she's like one of the guys, and how much fun she is to have around. Why wouldn't he be in love with her? She's sexy as hell, even though I'm not allowed to say that.

"I'm serious, Uri. Don't tell anyone about this. Tobias will know it's you, and he'll fucking kill you."


	15. Chapter 14

**Hi, friends! I'm so sorry that I left this story alone for so long! I have received your messages and reviews asking for updates, I just was really struggling with some writers block! This chapter is really short, but I wanted to break it at the right point and still give you all something to read until I can post the next one. Thanks for hanging around :)**

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

Meeting for brunch Sunday morning isn't high on my list of priorities, but we'd already made the plans as our last get together before Amar and the guys leave to head back to their respective homes. The rest of the weekend had turned out great, and I think that Chad, Peyton and Matt are really excited about the possibility of relocating to the city. I'd spent the rest of Friday night showing Tris how much I love her, taking more time to adore her body than I think I have ever before, if that's even possible. Saturday I'd had to work, but that evening we'd all voted to stay in and enjoy pizza and beer at my place, Tris and the rest of our group included.

We're still in bed Sunday morning, even though we've only got about an hour and a half to get ready for brunch. Tris and I are both usually pretty early risers on our own, but the weekend has been pretty exhausting, and Tris has been running herself ragged all week with work.

I'd much preferred her to be naked when we slept last night, but she'd insisted she wear a tank top and shorts since I had a company. In the end I'd appreciated that idea, but right now I definitely do not. She's stretched out on her stomach, her arms above her head, and I can't get enough of her insane body with just my eyes. My hand reaches down to palm her ass, giving it a tight grab as I hear her sigh.

Reaching up, I pull the hem of her shorts down so I can get a look at her bare ass. "Goddamn," I mutter. "I can never get enough of this ass."

Tris isn't naturally vocal in bed, and it's something I've been trying to bring out in her for years. Even if it's just a yes or no, a confirmation that what I'm doing is enjoyable and driving her wild, her words are always treasured. I know it takes a lot for her to say them, showing that she really means them. Since we've been together, she's become more vocal bit by bit, and every single word drives me fucking wild.

"It's all yours," she mumbles sleepily.

Just like that I go from slight morning wood to instantly hard, and I can't help but scoot closer to her so she can feel the huge erection she just caused.

"Mmmmm…" I hear escape from her lips.

I keep palming her ass for a minute, and then move up to rub her back, putting pressure on different muscles. Just having my hands on her makes me want her so fucking bad, even though I know there's a handful of guys sleeping on the couches in the living room.

Leaning forward, my lips drag across her skin slowly, tasting parts of her that are indirectly arousing. The curve of her back and the dip of her spine…everything about Tris drives me fucking nuts. My fingers ghost down her back until I slip them under her shorts, over her ass, and dip them in between her legs.

Her hips buck slightly allowing me to have better access. I slowly trace over the different parts of her until I slip my fingers inside, instantly clenching up myself at the way she feels around my hand.

"God your pussy feels good," I mutter, mostly to myself.

I feel her hips raise a bit more, and I push my fingers in further, reaching for that stop that will make her erupt all over. I can feel exactly when I've reached it, but even if I didn't, I'd know from Tris's long, deep, satisfied sigh that I'm right where I should be.

She reaches her hand back to grab my dick, but I turn away. "Not yet," I whisper in her ear as I get behind her, pulling her hips up in the air. I move down the bed so my face is right behind her, and I can tell she's surprised when she feels my tongue stroking her instead of my dick inside of her. I love surprising Tris, determined to never fall into a routine with her in the bedroom.

A content sigh escapes her as my tongue travels all over her, and then I slip my fingers back inside of her and focus on the two parts I know will bring her to her climax in no time.

It's just a few minutes before I feel her pushing back against my face and my hand, a sign that she's losing control.

"I'm…." she mutters, then grabs a pillow and shoves her face into it, letting out a deep moan and a stifled scream just as she begins clenching and around me and liquid starts dripping out all over my hand and my face.

It's hard for me to maintain composure, but I stay locked to her as long as I can, determined to give her another orgasm. However, Tris catches me off guard when she collapses onto her stomach and quickly rolls over to her back, a sexy smile on her face, her chest red and flushed.

"Get in my mouth." She's dead serious as she eyes my dick, and I don't hesitate to move up to the top of the bed until I'm on my knees next to Tris's head.

She eyes me like she can't wait to devour me….and then that's exactly what she does. Propping herself up on her elbow, she leans over and takes my entire dick in her mouth, sucking hard and letting her tongue run up it lightly as she pulls back. She flicks her tip on the head and then goes back in again, taking me against the back of her throat and staying there while she swirls her tongue around me.

"Fuck," I mumble. "So fucking good." Although I'm not surprised, because every blow job I've gotten from Tris has been Earth-shattering.

"Mmm," she moans, the vibration driving me nuts.

I reach down to pull her up, because I want to get her off again before we're finished, but Tris swats my hand away. I give in, because I know that sometimes, Tris gets just as much pleasure as I do from a blowjob.

"You give the best fucking head," I say with a throaty voice, knowing she really does. I reach down and pinch her nipple, but then I get an idea. I urge her body up so she's on all fours, and I lean back off my knees and sit on my butt. I lean back a little onto the pillows and pull Tris's ass towards me, but next to me. Meanwhile, her mouth has never left me and the secure feeling of her around my cock is getting me and closer to blowing.

I plunge my fingers inside of her, immediately going deep and hard, determined to get her there so we can come at the same time. When I was younger, I used to think that you should always finish with sex, that that was the way it went as an adult. But fuck that. There's a million ways I could come with Tris – and get her to come with me – and I'll never get tired of any of them. Tris could give me a hand job and it'd still be a phenomenal orgasm.

I hold off my own impeding orgasm. "Come again for me," I tell her, running my free hand over her hair. "All over my hand again."

She releases me from her mouth, but only for a second as she licks the underside of my dick, takes a second to explore my balls, and then gets right back down to deep throating me.

"I'm going to come in your mouth, and when I do, you're going to come all over my hand again."

The way her body reacts tell me it's just a few more strokes inside of her, and I can't help it. I put my hand on the back of her head and push her down lightly – what's become our signal – and she immediately falls into her own release, never stopping to let me get mine simultaneously. She drips on my hand again, and there's never been a sexier sight. "You're so fucking sexy," I say as she lifts up her head, turning back to see my wet hand.

"Goddamnit, Tobias," she says with a joking smile. "We gotta wash the sheets _again!_ "

I know she's joking, because her insecurity on how wet she always is as well as our ability to make her squirt is something she's embraced, mostly because I find it so fucking sexy. For years, she'd listened to guys comment on the amount of her arousal that made her feel insecure and – at one point she'd even confessed – gross. Fuck that shit, because I can never get enough of it.

"I'll wash the sheets every day if I have to," I promise her, and she crawls towards me to kiss me on the cheek as she makes her way off the bed. I follow her, admiring her soaked panties as she moves towards my bathroom.

"We have to be fast," she says as she enters. "I'm sure the guys will wanna hop in here after us."

I sigh, remembering my friends sleeping – or probably now awake – in the other room.

TRIS – THREE MONTHS LATER

My weighted backpack digs into my shoulders in a satisfying, yet uncomfortable way as I follow Tobias's footsteps up the path. I don't miss the way his head swivels back to check on my every five minutes, along with his peppered questions asking if I'm ok.

We'd walked side by side for a while, but we had to keep adjusting for other hikers and our strides didn't match up, so eventually I'd told Tobias to take the lead and I would be right behind him. He, of course, would have preferred that I go first so that he could keep his eyes on my at all times, but I wouldn't let him win.

When my boss, Tori, had called me into her office a few weeks ago with a new destination to visit, I'd been somewhat nervous about seeing Colorado on the itinerary. I could do the touristy things on my own and still feel safe and confident, but the outdoorsy stuff wasn't exactly my area of expertise. Plus, I didn't really think going hiking or driving up a mountain was a safe activity to do on my own. When I'd shared the news with Tobias, I hadn't even had to express my concern. He'd immediately sensed my apprehension and offered to come with me. He's admitted before that he isn't completely fond of me traveling by myself, even though he has faith in me to be observant and aware. But at the mention of the outdoor factor, I knew from the look on his face he was coming along for sure, and I wasn't the least bit insulted at his desire to do so.

Three months ago Tobias admitted to me that he would have already asked me to marry him if it carried more weight, meaning that if he hadn't just been engaged to another woman. The words went straight to my heart, because I know Tobias doesn't just spew out garbage that he doesn't truly mean. And I also know that he wants me to fully believe he means it when he asks.

Not that I have a doubt in my mind, anyways, ever, about the things he tells me. After our argument that night, I've learned how to better myself and my own insecurities, and my man has been there every step of the way. And we've worked on building our relationship together, trying so hard to not let old friendship habits creep in. Tobias introduced me to everyone I've met since that night as his girlfriend, and while I'm sure some people have questioned him, he's handled everything with such class that I've never heard a word about it from the gossip mill.

Finally we reach a scenic point, and we stop and put down our backpacks to get our water out before we turn to the railing to look out at the side of the mountain. It's beautiful, way more impressive than I'd ever expected to see up here.

"Makes you feel small, huh?" Tobias says from beside me.

I look over at him and notice that instead of taking in the view, his eyes are fixated on me.

"Real small," I reply. "Like…insignificant in the grand scheme of things."

His fingers find mine, lightly intertwining. "At least we're insignificant together."

Suddenly I'm overcome with the same feeling I've felt quite often lately. An overwhelming amount of love and appreciation for the man that's chosen to by my side literally makes my heart beat faster, and I can't do anything but think about how I never want to be without him.

"Will you marry me?" I say softly as I admire his profile.

His head whips towards me, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped. "Did you just – " he starts to ask, but I cut him off.

"I did. I want to get married. To you."

Tobias smiles, his mouth stretching into a wide grin as he turns towards me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me close to him. "I love you," he whispers. "Of course I want to marry you."

I wrap my arms around him, pulling him down to kiss me, but then mumble against his mouth. "Let's do it here, before we leave."

He pulls back slightly, only enough to check and see if I'm serious, or just kidding. "Tris?"

"I love you," I tell him in explanation. "And you've completed my life in a way I didn't know anyone could. There's no point in waiting any longer when this is what we know we want."

"I would have married you a long time ago if you'd have asked," Tobias replies. "I know exactly what I want, and it's you."

"Forever?"

He nods. "Forever." He kisses me again, holding me against him in a way that I know he's doing to show how committed he is, how serious he takes this. It's not until we hear other footsteps on the trail that we pull away from each other. Tobias suggests we get our bags and keep going, so we're only a little away from the other hikers when he asks me where we should get married.

I shrug and look around, thinking our current setting isn't that bad. "Why not somewhere like this?" I ask him. It's beautiful up here, and it would be somewhere special, somewhere meaningful.

"On a mountain?"

"Why not?"

He chuckles. "Are you really going to hike up a mountain in a white dress to marry me?"

I roll my eyes. "No, silly. I'm going to hike up a mountain in hiking clothes to marry you. Do you really think I should wear white?"

"Nah, your ass will look better in leggings," he says with a thoughtful look on his face.

Laughing, I grab his hand even though it's not the ideal position for hiking, and he looks down at me. "I can't wait to do this with you, Tris."


	16. Chapter 15

TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY

Tris and I finished our hike, made our way back to the hotel, and after a few naked hours in bed, started planning our wedding. I'd lifted open the lid of her laptop while she showered, searching for officiants and different destination weddings that had been done in the area. By the time Tris was finished in the shower, I'd made a small list of phone numbers. Tris had expertly dialed number after number, requesting availability for the things we needed until we had everything locked into place.

That's how we ended up in our spot today, at a scenic stop on a mountain. We're both in our hiking clothes, Tris insisting we didn't need to buy anything new. The officiant we'd found, a younger guy, is just as excited as we are about our impromptu wedding, and as we hiked up the mountain we'd shared pieces of our story with him.

Standing on the side of the mountain, looking at Tris, I can't describe the feelings swimming through my body. We couldn't get a secluded or private area, but Tris and I didn't mind. It had crossed our minds briefly that we weren't going to have any friends here to celebrate, but I have to admit that the idea of a big wedding seems completely unappealing after the fiasco with Lauren. And Tris is such an intimate and private person, she thought that a small destination wedding would be her ideal plan anyways.

I watch Tris for a moment as she fans herself, pushing the small flyaway hairs off her forehead. Her leggings hug her ass perfectly, just like I said they would. Her tank top hangs loosely on her now that she's taken off her backpack, and I can't believe the way just looking at her makes me feel. I shake my head as I think about how I almost married the wrong woman; a woman I never, even in the slightest way, felt this strongly about.

"So, over here?" the officiant asks as he gestures to an area. It's part of the lookout, but also off to the side so we won't be the main attraction. After being unable to land a photographer on such short notice, and one willing to hike up a mountain, Tris insisted on buying a tripod for her camera so we could film the ceremony and get some pictures. I'll admit that this was the last thing from my mind at the time, but I'm glad it was on hers. I want pictures of this day so I'll never forget a single detail.

Tris nods in response. "That's what we were thinking."

He glances around. "It's great. Why don't we set up the camera to start?"

Together, they get the camera on the tripod and take some tests shots with the lighting, and then the officiant instructs us to stand together where we'll be doing the ceremony so he can line it up. Even though I've been aching with anticipation all day, standing here with Tris makes me feel even more excited than I thought I could.

She looks over at me and smiles, raising her chin. "You ok over there?"

"Fuck, no, I'm not ok. I'm dying to marry you," I mumble as I look back down at her.

"Just a few more minutes," she says as she laughs off my uneasiness. "And then we've got the rest of our lives."

I lean in to kiss her then, and the officiant laughs. "I can tell you're ready!" he says as he looks through the camera one last time. "Let's get this going!"

TRIS – PRESENT DAY

Our ceremony was short and sweet and to the point. We didn't write our own vows, mostly because neither of us felt we could come up with something great on such short notice. And really, I don't need to hear anything special from Tobias on our wedding day, because I hear it all from him every day when he proclaims his feelings to me.

There are a few other hikers that stumble up us, and thankfully they're all respectful and quietly watch from afar. It still feels intimate, but ironically it's also oddly freeing to be marrying Tobias on a mountain, wide out in the open for everyone to see. I find it somewhat symbolic that after all of the time we spent together privately and secretively, this is like our freeing moment to finally just be…us.

Our officiant is willing to continue the hike or head down, but we decide we've done enough hiking today. I can tell Tobias is anxious to be alone with me, and I won't lie and say I'm not feeling the same about him.

"So…we have two apartments," Tobias says awkwardly as we descend the mountain.

"We do," I say with a slow nod.

"Uh…are we going to keep living in two apartments?"

I sigh, not because I don't want to live with Tobias, but just because he had finally acquired all of his own stuff and his own place…just to have to turn around and us figure out what to do with it.

"Your place is nicer," he says in comfort. "And we know there's room for both of us."

I laugh, thinking about how all of this started with Tobias crashing on my couch. "It is closer for both of us."

He shrugs. "I'll move there." He winks at me before adding, "If you want me to."

Unable to help it, I laugh. "Shut up. Of course I do! But…what about your stuff?"

"I can just put it in storage or sell some of it," he says casually. "It's not a big deal."

I nod slowly and look over at him. "When's the next time you're free and can get a truck?"

TRIS – 2 YEARS LATER

"If this wasn't already my favorite week of the year, it's locked in now," Tobias says as he slips an arm around my shoulders.

Nodding, I can't but help sigh and lean into him. It's been a long day. "Mine too."

"Are you tired?" he asks as he notices my sagging posture. "We can leave."

I wave him off. "No, take your time. It's your day."

He hugs me a little tighter to him. "I couldn't have done it without you. It's our day."

Turning away from the window that's open to the busy city street, I look around the building and take in the changes we'd made. Tobias had been the one who envisioned this, picking everything out from sinks to counters to chairs. He'd taken the time to drive to countless shops and different businesses to find exactly what he wanted. When possible, we'd come in and taken care of the work ourselves, becoming some serious DIY experts in the process. A few failures had ended up with lots of great success, as had been relayed to us by the many guests we had tonight for the soft opening of Four's. Tobias's barbershop had been a dream for so long that we were both determined to make it a reality, and there was no way I didn't want to help him make it come true.

The party had been great, from the food we'd made to the music that played, to the countless haircuts Four did to his loyal customers he'd had over the years. All of our friends had come, not surprisingly, and even Tobias's family.

"I never thought I'd have someone who'd believe in this like I did," Tobias says softly from behind me. "I didn't think I'd ever experience love like the kind we have."

I turn back, blushing and smiling at his comments. He always knows exactly what to say, and it's always straight rom his heart. The way his eyes are so intently staring at me, I can't resist the urge to move towards him and wind my arms around his next.

"I could never have this love for anyone else. I'm so glad we hiked up that mountain two years ago, and I'm so proud of you for getting to this point today." I pull him down to kiss me, and I can almost feel the ideas brewing in his head.

"You know…" he says as his eyes dart around the room. "We should probably christen this place before it opens for real and starts getting busy…"

"I think I can talk to the boss into giving me a quickie anytime I come by," I say, pressing myself against him.

He chuckles. "Until the boss has appointments like crazy." His mouth dips down to mine, and pretty soon he's consuming me with a fiery kiss. I break away from him only to pull him back to his office after drawing the front blinds and checking the front door lock.

"Then we better make the most of it," I say seductively as we head to the back.

 **Thanks for sticking around to the end :) I hope to have more to put up soon!**


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